Sunday, May 11, 2008

Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
I can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends

With the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you'll live in
Is the strength that now you show
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

posted by vivien at 1:36 AM
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Thank you all for the surprise dinner yesterday! Was really touched and I really appreciated it :) We had dinner at Nakama, which is supposed to be one of the most famous restaurants in Pittsburgh. Food was not too bad (ooh..the scallops!!), though I had expected more, but I guess we had a good time in general, and the atmosphere was fantastic too! Will really miss all of you. Oh well. Leaving is part and parcel of life, and I suppose it's time for me to move on to the next phase of my life.

Called my youngest brother yesterday and had a good talk with him. It's been ages since I last caught up with him (since he is never on msn haha). And again, I'm really impressed by his maturity. I really miss my family.

Had my first final yesterday too. I think it went all right. One more paper to sit for on Tuesday and I am determined to do well and get an A for the class!

1 week to graduation. 3 weeks to leaving the US. So fast so fast! I think I have come a long way from the innocent, fresh-faced 19-year-old who came here not knowing how college would be like and whether she would be able to survive life here by herself, far away from home and family, haven't I?

posted by vivien at 12:12 AM
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Wednesday, May 07, 2008

I can't believe how absent-minded I am today! First, I left my purse behind when I went out and only realized it during lunch when I was about to pay and discovered I had left it behind. Then I rushed home to get it, took the elevator up, quickly got out, ran to our side of the apartment and saw that the door was open! Got a scare cos I thought I had locked the door when I left, only to realize I had gotten off the wrong floor! So I took the stairs up, grabbed my purse and ran to the lift, before I realized I had forgotten to bring my ipod too (wanted to bring my ipod so that I could listen to music on the long walk home from school). So I had to go back to get it. And that's not all. The best part was just now, after my meeting and while I was waiting for Jessica to finish up, I suddenly looked at my bag and realized that I had left my laptop charger behind! Got quite panicky because I needed someone to let me into the meeting place. Called Liz, who had access to the place, but she was not at home; luckily, there were people in the lounge so I could get my charger. What a day.

I think there are probably too many things on my mind right now. Packing and moving have been driving me insane. It's not the actual packing, but rather, it's how I'm going to ship my stuff back. I finally gave them a call yesterday and hopefully, it will be settled by the end of the week. And I guess something else has been occupying my mind that I probably shouldn't think about too much. I would like to think that I'm the sort of person who is able to let some things slide by. But I guess what hurts is knowing that the trust that has been developed is potentially damaged, and how this whole situation turns out can basically affect my friendships with other people and influence how my friends think of me (my honesty/integrity is at stake here). I know I shouldn't let this affect me too much and what has been done is done. Hopefully, I will be able to look past this, leave it as it is and forgive and forget.

Anyway, the past two weeks (since I last wrote) have been such a blur, especially last week. I was so busy with my presentations, meetings, tests and schoolwork that the fact it was my last week of classes was basically the last thing on my mind. And I was sick too. But it's all over now and I guess the fact that there are no more (college) classes, that I am a senior and about to graduate, have all finally started to sink in for me. For once, I'm actually excited about graduation, instead of not wanting to graduate and dreading it. It was also a bittersweet end to the week. We had our SSA end-of-sem dinner, my last SSA event here. And then a final "group meeting" with my two project mates, whom I've become quite close to after taking the same classes for the past few semesters. They are such funny people and they never fail to amuse me, which really made meetings more interesting and less dull, even if there were a lot of work to be done. Got a graduation present from them, in the form of a Class of 2008 shot glass! (Nice work guys haha). And then my cell group made a farewell lunch and whipped a fantastic chocolate dessert for my cell leader and I, who are both graduating. I've become a lot closer with and gotten to know my cell group people better over the past year. I'm quite blessed and thankful to have committed to cell group because I feel I have learned a lot from both bible study and sharing, especially this semester.

This week has been relatively quiet in comparison. Honestly, it's been a case of finding things to do to occupy my time with. Of course, I knew I had to start packing and sorting my stuff out, but it was very difficult to get going. But anyway, I have done as much packing as I can possibly do and I'm not going to bother with it again until after my finals are over. It was really interesting though to discover the stuff I have accumulated over the past few years. My stack of handwritten notes from various classes, old papers from classes I took in freshman year like I&A, random souvenirs that I keep (Christina Aguilera concert ticket, Washington Monument brochure, Magic Kingdom entry ticket, etc). I have also kept every single card/note received in college, and even the farewell cards and notes I had gotten while coming here for the first time, and also photo albums of the past few semesters here. I also realized I still have my admission letters to CMU! And a copy of last year's Tartan that I appeared in. Haha. The sentimental side of me couldn't bear to throw them away, but of course, I had to throw away quite a few stuff.

Been really feeling quite unmotivated and slack. I think this is probably the most relaxed I've felt during finals week. Only have 2 finals to sit for, and my first one is on Friday! I guess I should probably start studying soon though. The finals take up quite a big percentage of my grade and I really want to do my best just because it is my last finals and I want to end my last semester on a high note!

posted by vivien at 10:25 PM
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Monday, April 21, 2008

Like the sun that rises everyday,
You are so faithful. Lord, You are faithful.
Like the rain that You send,
And every breath that I breathe,
You are so faithful, Lord

Like the rose that comes alive every spring,
You are so faithful. Lord, You are faithful.
Like the life that You give,
to every beat of my heart,
You are so faithful, Lord.

I see the cross and the price You had to pay,
I see the blood that washed my sins away.

In the midst of the storm
through the wind and the waves,
You'll still be faithful, You'll still be faithful,
When the stars refuse to shine and time is no more,
You'll still be faithful,
You'll still be faithful, Lord.

Sang this song in church yesterday. I guess the song came at an appropriate time considering how much stress I have put on myself. Serves as a reminder and an encouragement that the Lord is always faithful to me and that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

Spring Carnival came and went, and now we are left with the last two weeks of classes, which are going to be my busiest ever for the entire semester. In a way, a part of me wants these two weeks to be over quickly, yet another part of me doesn't really want school and classes to be over just yet.

I should really stop complaining about how many things I have to do. Just thinking and complaining about them isn't going to change things. I should just get down to doing them one by one, starting with studying for corporate finance midterm tomorrow.

I think achieving a balance in life is one of the most difficult things. And I'm not just talking about learning to manage your time so that you can have time to do things that matter to you. How do you deal with wanting to be nice and helpful, and not being a pushover at the same time? How do you go about saying and doing what you really want to without hurting others around you? How do you know when you should speak out and when you should just hold your tongue? Sometimes I feel trapped really wanting to do something but knowing that it would hurt someone close to me, and my selfish perspective would often times take over, sadly. There is a very thin line between all these things. I guess learning how to tread this line takes experience and you learn from what you have been through. I just wish that there are some clear cut answers out there so that I would know what to do for sure. Oh well.

posted by vivien at 10:39 AM
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Saturday, April 19, 2008

Today is just one of those days I'm feeling irritated at almost everyone and at every single thing. Sigh.

I guess Spring Carnival was, more than anything else, a very good break from school. And great weather too. Didn't feel as excited as I was in previous years about the booths. Oh well.

Last two weeks of school. Projects and deadlines piling up. More meetings. Not forgetting tests as well. I'm really really worried about my corporate finance midterm this coming Tuesday. No use worrying about it, but I can't help it. I know I can do it; it's just a matter of having the drive and motivation to do work and manage my time properly.

My head is not in the right mind today. I keep feeling bad about certain things. Getting very very stressed over a lot of stuff. It has not been a very good weekend, has it?

posted by vivien at 11:54 PM
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Thursday, April 17, 2008

You Are Everything (Matthew West)

I'm the one with two left feet
Standing on a lonely street
I can't even walk a straight line
And every time You look at me
I'm spinning like an autumn leaf
Bound to hit bottom sometime
Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won't let me fall

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can't help but breathe You in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart

I'm the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I ever care to confess
Oh but, You're the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess
Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won't let me fall

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can't help but breathe You in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart

You're everything good in my life
Everything honest and true
And all of those stars hanging up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can't help but breathe You in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart

You are
You are
Jesus, You are
You are everything

posted by vivien at 12:12 PM
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Sunday, April 13, 2008

For some reason, I've been feeling happy this past week. I just feel blessed and at peace with things in general. Not that it's a bad thing. I guess it helped that it was a rather slack week and the weather was heavenly =)

I really like going for cell groups this semester. I feel that I'm learning a lot from the book of James and I feel much closer to the rest of the girls too. I was just suddenly thinking yesterday that I do need to find a cell group when I go back to Singapore. Ahh..things will really be so different.

This week will be a much busier week for least until before Carnival. We have to come up with the slides for our project class by next week, so we don't have much time left. It seems that the professor is happy with what we have done so far (which is not that much), so hopefully the final weeks of the project won't be so bad. I still feel that I'm not contributing enough to the project, even though I've tried to take the initiative in doing certain things, and I really feel bad about it. Sigh.

The other class that is getting me quite worried is corporate finance. I feel like I don't really know much of the stuff that is covered in class, that I have not learned much, and the midterm is coming up soon. Argh. And to think that I will be going into corporate finance. Really really crossing my fingers for this class.

I'm quite looking forward to Spring Carnival this week (partly because there are no classes!). First time since I came that SSA is not doing a booth. I guess it will be a different experience to just visit the booths and not be involved in building a booth. Quite curious to see what the frats have managed to come up with this time.

On another note, quite a number of things seem to be happening on campus lately. Michelle Obama came to speak 2 weeks ago; Chelsea Clinton will be speaking here tomorrow, and John McCain will be speaking on Tuesday. Election fever is certainly heating up, especially because voting in Pennsylvania takes place a week from now. Also, Smart People just opened on Friday and there was a special screening in school the day before. Too bad we didn't get to watch the pre-screening, but I'm still hoping to watch it, mainly to see shots of CMU in the film. Haha.

Little things that have made me happy these past few days (I kindda like to remember this sort of things): Meeting up with friends and just being able to sit down and talk, be it over meals, drinks or whatever. Playing tennis. Dressing up for MCS Ball (even though we didn't know many people, it was still fun to dress up and the place was really beautiful too). Spontaneity on Fridays (shopping at H&M two Fridays ago, then shopping at rue21 and dinner at Union Grill last Friday). KTV. Cupcake from my friend. MU beating Arsenal.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not be in want.
I read Psalm 23 for one of my devotions this past week, and that is taken from the first verse. I really like this line. Serves as an encouragement to me and a reminder that with Him, I would not be lacking in anything.

posted by vivien at 10:04 PM
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Monday, April 07, 2008

Ordinary Miracle (Sarah McLachlan)

It’s not that unusual
When everything is beautiful
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

The sky knows when its time to snow
Don’t need to teach a seed to grow
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Life is like a gift they say
Wrapped up for you everyday
Open up and find a way
To give some of your own

Isn’t it remarkable
Like every time a rain drop falls
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Birds in winter have their fling
But always make it home by spring
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

When you wake up everyday
Please don’t throw your dreams away
Hold them close to your heart
Cause we’re all a part
Of the ordinary miracle
Ordinary miracle
Do you want to see a miracle?

It seems so exceptional
That things just work out after all
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Sun comes up and shines so bright
And disappears again at night
It’s just another ordinary miracle today
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Warm weather makes me smile =)
I feel very blessed and thankful. It's been a good start to the week and hopefully this blissful feeling will last.

posted by vivien at 5:28 PM
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yoong siang


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