I DON'T WANT TO BE (Gavin DeGraw)
I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anyone other than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from
I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me
I’m surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I’m surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I’m surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one to notice
I can’t be the only one who’s learned
I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me
Can I have everyone’s attention please
If you're not like this and that
You’re gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain, the crust of creation
My whole situation made from clay to stone
And now I’m telling everybody
I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me
Went to watch Millions yesterday with Huiling, Wendy and Jessie (whom I havent seen in like don't know how long). Frankly, I was confused and didn't understand it haha. I think we aren't supposed to take all the things in the movie literally, or else how can you explain the last part? The directing was good though, and I can understand why the movie was rated 5 stars. The boy acting as Damien is so cute and innocent. He actually believed that the money bag fell from heaven! Haha. And I thought the Newcastle part was quite corny. I was just telling pea that from the way the robber dressed, he looked like a Newcastle fan. Haha who knows that was what he actually wanted to look like.
This week on American Idol, everyone was shocked that Constantine was the one leaving. I was shocked too. I was quite sure that once it was down to Anthony and Constantine, Anthony would be gone. But it turned out to be Constantine. Thought he has a huge fanbase. But I simply can't understand why Scott wasn't even in the bottom group! Who actually votes for him? I really don't understand his appeal! Apparently, there's this website, votefortheworst, which encourages people to vote for the worst constenstant (Scott). It's quite mean. I mean, it'd be cruel if Scott wins just because people think he's the worst, so they vote for him. Oh well. Actually, I feel like a hypocrite. I'm rooting for Scott to get booted cos I really think he's the worst. Yet last year, I was voting for Sly even though I knew he's worse than Oli and Taufik. Haha I think too much.
I called my mum last night and she managed to make me feel insecure again. Please don't talk to me about my decision. I have made it and there's nothing I can do to change it. It was hard to make that decision, but in the end, I'm happy with what I've decided on. So there's no point to look back and wonder, "what if?".
What I intended as a short entry is much longer than I expected. I need to sleep now, or else I won't be able to survive tuition later.
I've been spending lots of time on Friendster recently. That's cos a few of my primary school friends have added me to their Friendster. Gosh haha didn't really expect them to add me cos I thought they'd forgotten me. That's why when I saw their Friendster accounts earlier, I didn't dare to add them cos I was scared they'd forgotten me. It's silly I know haha. If I still remember them, then it's quite likely that they still remember me too right? It seems that my primary school friends are also everywhere, all over the place, and I didn't know that 2 of them actually came to Singapore to study. Oops.. and one of them was like here for 8 years and I did not know anything about it! No wonder I saw Zena that time on the plane when I was going back haha.
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know, I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives
Anyway, went for a haircut yesterday. I think I look quite ok with my new hairstyle, but the fringe was cut rather short, so now it keeps falling off. Irritating.
Reading about MU's defeat in the papers is painful. Arsenal, please do us a favour and just drop 6 points at least so that MU can finish second!
Hmm.. Scott was spared from elimination, again. Can't believe it. I don't know why people still continue to vote for him. I know he didn't have the worst performance on Wednesday, but his attitude just turns me off. At least Anthony and Carrie are safe. Actually, I don't mind all of the Final 6, except for Scott.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe it was better for me to have found out about it last night instead of Monday night. And I shouldn't second-guess my decision.
Anyway, went back to Bukit Ho Swee on Monday and Wednesday to help teach the kids. Thought I'd just go back for fun and help out, but I think I'll probably still go back after lessons start. I miss the kids and one of them actually remembered me! And he asked about Sin Hui and Wen Hooi too! I got to teach him on both days. It was quite tough to teach him; took a long time to explain before he finally understood. He went to KK Hospital on Thursday for his heart surgery. Hope he's all right.
Yesterday was my first time tutoring someone. As in tutoring for real, with pay. Was quite nervous at first cos I'd probably forgotten all my J2 stuff by now. But it went ok, even though I didn't know how to do 1 question haha. Asked her to ask her teacher, which happened to be Miss Lim :)
Had lunch with Shuping on Friday at Holland V. Haven't been there since like last year. We ate at Crystal Jade, but the food was quite salty. And we were tricked by this giant poster on the door showing fruits and ice creams (looked really delicious), but they only had it at the Scotts Road branch haha. I found the place quite small, but next to the place we ate, there was another Crystal Jade, Crystal Jade Seafood Kitchen or something like that. And they also have that poster. I tell you, people are going to get tricked. Anyway, I think Crystal Jade is like everywhere and yet it's still so successful. After that, we went to walk around. We went to this building, and the shops there reminded me of Bali. I don't know why. Maybe it's cos they're selling all this tourist-y stuff, but it just really reminded me of Bali. Speaking of Bali, I wouldn't mind going there again. To shop and do all that exciting stuff, like rafting, jet-skiing and riding on the banana boat. If I go next time, I'll definitely go parasailing and there'll be no snorkeling for me.
USP interview on Thursday. It was quite terrible. I was expecting them to ask current affairs stuff, but instead, they asked me questions about myself, most of which I didn't really prepare. Like "how have you tried to overcome your weakest subject area?" and "why do you like to play tennis?". I could see that they didn't look convinced. Oh well, I was probably nervous. It's my first interview and I just went to see how I'd fare. I'm almost certain I won't get in, but it doesn't really matter I guess. Ooh but I felt so under-dressed looking at the people (all girls) in the waiting room. Most of them were like wearing long-sleeve blouse and shoes. I just wore short-sleeve and I didn't wear proper shoes. At least I wore something that I was quite comfortable in.
I've made my decision and I told my mum that I don't think I would transfer. I sense that she was disappointed with my decision. I hope I was wrong. I don't want my mum to be disappointed, but at the same time, I just have to go with what's best for me and what I'll be happy with right?
And I think my mum is quite unhappy that I've been going out every single day. Can't be helped; there's nothing much to do at home! Actually there are stuff to do, like packing. I still haven't finished packing yet, only left with GP stuff, which looks really intimidating. But I'll be so bored at home! And I don't think next week will be much different. There's lunch with Huiling, going to Bukit Ho Swee, bible study, going out with Jessie Huiling Wendy, etc. Just hope I don't spend so much money. Nowadays, I'm really tempted to buy CDs. I'm trying to cut down on dl-ing and burning songs, but still not very successful.
Oh ya, the song that Anthony sang during American Idol on Wednesday is stuck in my head!
Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer, somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
It's all right, I survived, I'm alive again
Cos of you, made it through every storm
What is life, what's the use if you're killed inside
I'm so glad I found an angel, someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly looking in your eyes
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live
Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has everything I need to survive
Because you live, I live, I live
My brother came back this morning! Gosh..I just find him so..different now. He bought clothes that previously I couldn't imagine him to wear. And lots of clothes. Branded too.. from all those Australian surfer brands I suppose. Caps and shoes also. Must be his friend's influence. And when I was listening to Green Day's CD just now, he just had to gleefully rub in the fact that he had heard the song performed live.
I caught the Liverpool-Juve replay just now. Luis Garcia's goal is really stunning! I think he's quite an inconsistent player, but he definitely has a knack for scoring spectacular goals. Speaking of soccer, I still cannot believe that Bowyer and Dyer each other last Saturday. I have never seen teammates fought each other before on the pitch!
Listening to "Emotionless" by Good Charlotte
I love this song! It was played in Closer, and apparently it's also found in one of The OC soundtracks, but I couldn't find it when I checked the website just now. Speaking of OC, I bought The OC Mix 1 when I went out with Huiling and Wendy on Saturday. I've heard it once, and I must say I don't really like all the songs in it. Only like a few songs (most of which I've heard before); CD is very alternative. Huiling says I must listen to it a few times before I really like it haha. I think I should have bought Mix 2 instead. Was listening to it on the website (they feature all the songs on Mix 2, Mix 3 and Mix 4) and I think I prefer the songs there.
I feel very bored now, but in truth, I have lots of things to do. Of most importance: To pack my stuff. But I just don't feel like doing anything. I just feel like slacking and stoning and well, wasting time. Yesterday and today, I woke up at 11.30 and I had to meet Huiling for lunch (both days too) at Balmoral Plaza at 12.30. So obviously, I had to have a light breakfast and then lunch an hour later. My sense of timing is very very bad. Sigh it's been an unfruitful two days.
I'm getting rambly now, and sleepy too. I think I'll go to sleep soon. I've promised myself to go to gym tomorrow morning. But I'm tempted to watch part of the Liverpool-Juve match. How?
Had Shineforth ushering lunch-cum-meeting today. I didn't realise that there are many points to take note of for ushering. And Mark is really funny. "If you hear a few minutes of silence, it means that you didn't hear the 'amen'". Haha that was so so funny.
Anyway, this past week, I've sort of had exams for my Chinese course. Exams were ok; the teachers all think we should be ok. It's the last week for the first term. Gonna have a three-week break until the next term starts. I still don't know what I'm going to do yet. Most likely I'll take a break or give a little bit of tuition. I still have to pack my JC stuff. Gosh, I'm just sick of seeing all those files under my table. And obviously, I'll have to settle those uni stuff. Good thing is, my bro will be coming back from Perth this month, so I'll have company should I decide to stay at home the whole day haha.
I've had lunch with my Chinese class people these 2 days. Had lunch with 4 others at Singapore Cricket Club yesterday (someone's a member there). Gosh..the lunch was fabulous! The food's just so nice (they had Indo, Chinese, Western food) and the price is quite reasonable too! Today, it was lunch with all the people in my class with a few of the teachers at a Korean restaurant. I went to the place with 2 other Indonesians, and we had a comical time trying to get to the place. I think we must have looked like tourists haha. We got lost along the way, so we were late and had to sit at right at the corner of the table. Of course, with this arrangement, we couldn't really talk with the others, so we just had our own little conversation in Indonesian, which was quite fun :). I think my Indonesian (which was getting awkward) is actually improving haha. Food is good too, but I think I prefer yesterday's one. Most of us are going to continue with next term. But I'm really going to miss those that have to go back to their own countries. They are such nice people!
I've been watching American Idol at the earlier time slots this week. I think it's cool to watch the show without all those commercials! You'd then realise that the show actually moves at a fast pace. Especially the result show, in which normally you'd have to wait for all those commercials before hearing a bit of the results, and then going back to commercials again. Found it irritating really. And the performance show was only like 40 minutes! And OC finally came back yesterday. I think Seth's more cute than ever haha. But I don't like Ryan's new look.
I've been sleeping really late these past 2 days, and setting personal records along the way. Wednesday night, I was trying to do some last-minute studying and ended up sleeping at 3.30. And yesterday was worse; slept at 5am! I don't know what I was doing really. I think I was trying to edit my USP essay, but ended up staring blankly at the computer screen most of the time. I finished it up and managed to submit it this morning though, so that's good news. Sigh, really feel like a zombie now. Sleep early viv!