Hope you enjoyed the birthday surprise we gave you last night. Sorry for making you feel sad earlier cos we pretended that we were too busy to celebrate your birthday. Haha.
So the guys came to our place to celebrate jess' birthday. But after that, they disturbed me again! (Well..actually only mingwei and especially xinghao). Argh..why am I always getting disturbed and suaned?!?! Someone erased my whiteboard and now, I have an *ahem* reminder for philo. And someone else 'helped' me learn Chinese.."itchy anchink". Sigh...
Kitchen mishaps are becoming commonplace nowadays. It happened again last night. Totally my fault. Sigh..when will I learn to stop doing silly things in the kitchen??
It's kind of weird that there's no soccer matches at all today. I've been watching World Cup almost everyday for the past 2.5 weeks. Oh well. Anyway, it turns out that I'm not going to miss the first semifinal at all! I should already be in Singapore by then, so I guess the only match that I'm going to miss from now onwards is the Germany-Argentina quarterfinal.
Work work work! Sigh..so unmotivated, and it's already the last week! Philo take-home final..5 questions..7 pages in total. Sigh.. Okay I should really stop sighing and get on with work.
I'm suddenly feeling scared about going home. Having cold feet and all. I have no idea why. Perhaps the whole idea of going home is just overwhelming. I'm actually really scared and apprehensive about staying alone for one night in DC. Argh..I should have never agreed to it in the first place! I know I should be fine, but the thought of it just scares me.
It has been a bad morning today and I'm just feeling really down and all. That feeling of wanting to run away and escape from everything is back again. I should really stop thinking too much and worrying about stuff. And tell myself to just stay calm and be strong.
So after all that has died down, Portugal came out a 1-0 winner against Netherlands, and are going to face England next in the quarters. Deja vu eh? Euro 2004 quarters and now, World Cup too! And Eriksson is going to face Scolari in the quarters for the third straight time in a major tournament. Should make for an interesting match (another between two of my supported teams..sigh!!), but I think Portugal has the edge. England has been disappointing so far I guess.
Speaking of which, I just realized all my supported teams are stuck together in the bottom half of the draw! Argh..how sucky! Haha. I guess the good thing is that, barring no upset, one of the teams in the final will be one of the teams that I support. Ah..this is what happens when you support so many teams haha.
Anyway, about that match, I really pity van Nistelrooy. Out of favor in club, and now in country? And he's only reaching his prime, if not at his prime age. What a pity!
Soccer aside, I find it quite interesting to observe the managers, the players on the bench and the fans watching the match. Can be quite amusing actually. Haha.
Anyway, speaking of food, we sort of had another cookout last night. Jiaqi cooked pork and mushrooms which tasted like what I used to eat back home. Ah..familiar food! I really need to learn to cook all the dishes when I go back. And also play piano. I left behind most of my piano scores, so can't really play much here (i'm the sort who needs scores to play haha).
Am I extroverted or introverted? That thought just randomly crossed my mind last week. I've always thought myself as more of introverted cos I'm usually quiet around people. But I guess people who know me well would disagree and say that I'm more extroverted cos I really can talk non-stop! Haha. Actually, I think I've become much more talkative this year. Don't know why. Oh well..maybe it's the trait of Gemini, being adaptable. So maybe Geminis can be both extroverted and introverted? Then again, I don't read too much into zodiac sign. Ah well.
Watched The Notebook last night and I actually teared/cried towards the end of the movie. I find the movie very touching and the ending is so bittersweet. But yeah... I guess love can be both beautiful and painful, and there were many scenes in the movie which underline how bittersweet and complicated love can be. Forbidden love and making sacrifices for the one that you love. Personally, I found it very sweet that it was the first love for the main characters and despite the obstacles they had to go through, they managed to stay together till the very end. I know I'm such a hopeless romantic, but how often can you find people who stay together with their first loves for the rest of their lives? I'm inspired to read the novel now. I actually like reading Nicholas Sparks novels, even though they normally have very sad endings. Quite a few of his novels have actually been adapted into movies (check out Message In A Bottle and A Walk To Remember). There's just something about the way he portrays love that tugs at my heart.
After that, they decided to watch a bit of Hollow Man. And I was scared to bits. Haha. Yes..I screamed again and I was just acting really silly and all, closing my eyes and ears. Haha. I think I'm probably more scared watching horror movies now than ever. And I don't think Hollow Man is even a horror movie, is it?
Played badminton yesterday and it was good! Haven't played badminton in such a long time (people here also don't really play badminton that often). It's a nice change from tennis I guess. I like playing racket games, like tennis, badminton, table tennis and squash (though I think I play table tennis and squash like I play tennis haha). Hmm..shouldn't restrict myself to playing racket games all the time.
Just found out that ESPN will be showing Wimbledon from 8am to 5pm! Woo hoo! That's like 9 hours of tennis! Okay okay need to exercise control here, especially since there is still World Cup. It's the last week of summer school, so there'll be lots more work to do. Haha.
I realized that I'll miss the first semifinal of World Cup cos I'll be on the plane. And I'll be watching the second semifinal a few hours after I touch down. That will be 3am in Singapore I think! Such an unearthly hour and it's weird to be watching soccer at such an early time after watching all the matches here in the afternoons. But I guess, like Jiaqi said, the jetlag will be good this time. I think my aunt once told me that the jetlag coming here is not so bad, but the jetlag when going back home is worse. I still don't know whether that is really true, but it happened to me when I went back last December. Took a few days, if not a week, to recover properly from jet-lag. Anyway, my brother will be watching soccer with me haha..so at least will not be so lonely. Plus Wimbledon too! (and yes..it's gonna be early in the morning too). There goes the possibility of me sleeping at normal hours haha.
Argentina is drawing with Mexico now. Who knows it will go on to penalty shootouts! That will be quite interesting.
You were someone else
You were meant to be
The way you are exactly
Don't you ever say
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
You're better off by far
And I hope you always stay the same
'Cause there's nothing 'bout you I would change
I think that you could be
Whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize
All the dreams you have inside
Don't be afraid
If you've got something to say
Just open up your heart
And let it show you the way
Don't you ever wish
You were someone else
You were meant to be
The way you are exactly
Don't you ever say
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
You're better off by far
And I hope you always stay the same
'Cause there's nothing 'bout you I would change
Believe in yourself
Reach down inside
The love you find will set you free
Believe in yourself
You will come alive
Have faith in what you do
You'll make it through
Don't you ever wish
You were someone else
You were meant to be
The way you are exactly
Don't you ever say
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
You're better off by far
And I hope you always stay the same
'Cause there's nothing 'bout you I would change
No, there's nothing 'bout you I would change
Don't change...
Talked to Huiling on msn again last night. Been talking to her almost every night lately and she's another who is also really crazy about soccer! I really miss us complaining and lamenting about how England played so badly (during Euro 2004), and discussing(??) about which players are cute and what not haha. Even though we still do it on msn now, but it's just not the same. I remember us going really crazy and laughing till our stomachs hurt, all the while trying to study for block test in orchard library haha. Anyway, I thought she made an interesting comment last night. She said she doesn't read people's blogs cos she's afraid she'll get nostalgic. It's true, you know, because I know I sometimes can get quite affected by what others write. But that being said, I still cannot stop myself from reading blogs.
I somehow like to read my old entries again and reading what I wrote last time can really bring out a range of reactions. Sometimes, I would just think that what I wrote last time was so silly that I cannot help smiling haha. Sometimes, I would find what I wrote last time to be also true now and it's really interesting that I would feel the same emotions, carry out the same actions last time as I do now. I would also come across those more pensive entries which would just make me think now as I did last time. And then there would be those entries that I would look at and just wish that how I could turn back time and relive those moments again.
Today, I randomly clicked on my entries for January 2006. I really posted quite a lot of entries in that month! And it was during the time when I was still back home and about to come back here for school. I was complaining then about how unwilling I was to return and how it would be a long six months ahead. Yet before I know it, here I am, 6 months after, about to go home soon! It really feels like I have come a full circle.
I know I have been thinking a lot about home lately and I know I'm not the only one. But it's not only that. I mean I have just basically been thinking about stuff. Random stuff, some of which I have no idea why I'm thinking about. I really don't know why I am feeling this way. Perhaps I should just stop thinking about life too much and just leave everything to Him.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me
I guess though, despite really looking forward to going back, deep down I'm slightly scared and apprehensive. Of the change. Of how much people and everything has changed in the 6 months I've not been back. It's not surprising that people would probably have moved on to life without you. Everything will look so familiar, yet it will also be unfamiliar. I'll be home, yet perhaps I won't feel like I'm home, simply because I've regarded this place as my new home, the place I'll be spending at least the next 2 years in, and also because the place I'll be going back to will not be the same as the one I had left 6 months ago. Change is really inevitable, isn't it? Perhaps the only constant in the never-ending curveballs that life can throw at you. I guess what matters more is how you cope and deal with such changes. But I must admit it's not easy.
As I look back on my life so far, I realize that it has almost been entirely about change. I've lived and studied in 3 different places, made friends in all 3 places, learned the ways of life in these 3 places. It's good in that I've gotten to experience different things. To me, living in a different place is a different and refreshing experience altogether. Different people, ways of life, challenges, languages, weather, cultures, etc. So even though I've technically studied and lived abroad for almost half of my life, coming here was still something different and something new.
However, because of such changes, my life has really been divided into bits and pieces, characterized by the different places I've lived in. My life somehow feels disjointed. It's like I can never do something permanently, only temporarily. I won't deny that sometimes I'm really sick of having to face something different yet again, and start afresh. I feel that I'm also sacrificing my relationships and friendships because of such changes. I thought that I'd never see my primary school friends again because I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to them when I left. It's really a miracle that now, somehow, I've managed to keep in touch with quite a few of them. Yet despite this, they're totally leading different lives from me, 8 years worth of different experiences from me, and there's a part of me that feels left out whenever they start talking about something they have all experienced and I have not. I guess the same thing goes for friends in Singapore. They have probably moved on to life without you and led a different life altogether, and when I come back, I'll just have to make the effort to contact everyone (and make myself a part of their lives again, albeit for a short time only). And what about my family? It's so hard just to spend time together as a whole family, and it's only going to get harder now. Right now, we're in 4 different places - my parents are in jakarta, i'm in pittsburgh, my youngest brother is in singapore and my other brother is in perth. I think the next time all 5 of us are together will be Christmas, which is a distant 6 months away (not over summer at least). I'll miss the big family reunion at my cousin's wedding this Saturday. Sometimes, I'd just wonder what it's like to have a proper family. Even when I was in Singapore with my 2 brothers, only my mum would mostly visit. My dad seldom visited us. And the only time that both parents would be in Singapore at the same time would be during CNY. I'm close to my mum, but not my dad, cos I barely see him. And sometimes I just wish that I hadn't left at all, so that I can be close to both my mum and my dad. Or perhaps, it's all just a lack of effort on my part, to keep in touch with everyone.
How different would life have been had I not left in the first place? Such a thought has crossed my mind time and again. But what's the point of thinking about that and continuing to ask yourself what-if. I can never turn back time (realistically at least), so there is just no use regretting over what is past. Life has turned out this way for me and I just have to deal with it and move on. I'm still learning and trying my best, and I will continue to do so, even though I know it won't be easy.
I will never know what life has to offer me in future. Where will I be? Will I be in a different place again? I guess there's no use worrying over such uncertainties.
What is certain, though, is that I will be going back in 2 weeks' time. And I will make the most of my 6 weeks back home to meet up with everyone. See you guys back home in 2 weeks' time then!
Watched the England-Sweden game this afternoon. Got very very nervous watching it (especially when sweden had set pieces..england's defending of set-pieces in the second half was just terrible), and was really really relieved when it was all over and England just did the bare minimum to top the group. Haha. I'm sorry to those people who've been watching the matches with me..I must admit I can get overly excited haha.
Yay..can watch Portugal's tomorrow! My TA cancelled the philo class for tomorrow cos it's his birthday! Haha. This is like the 3rd or 4th time he's cancelling class, and it's summer! Wonder how much we're missing just cos he's cancelling class like almost every week.
Anyway my brother is so so crappy!
viv says: did u watch spain's match
home as it was says: hello
home as it was says: no lah
home as it was says: its 3am here
home as it was says: i wz fast asleep
home as it was says: haha why man
home as it was says: torres is cute 2 u huh
viv says: hahaha..how u know?
home as it was says: of course i noe
home as it was says: u r my sis
home as it was says: can read your thoughts
home as it was says: haha getting crappier by e sec now
Okay I must admit fernando torres is really cute. He's probably like one of the cutest soccer players to me haha. Even the guys (including my brother) think he's cute too! But that isn't enough to make me support Spain. Can you imagine..if I support Spain, then I'll be like supporting 5 teams for the World Cup? So many!!
Later on, I was asking him about his weight, height and whether he was still as skinny as last time. Before I left, he was about erm.. 1.63 and like 50kg? Apparently, now he's about 1.72 and 55 kg! Still quite skinny!
home as it was says: yeah
home as it was says: not tt now is very much different
home as it was says: maybe just 10cm more
home as it was says: looks quite skinny still
home as it was says: maybe more muscle n chiselled abs now
home as it was says: hahaha
erm..to which i could only react "..." Haha.
Anyway, I've been listening to bsb songs lately. I have no idea why. But one of the songs from their millenium album is very very sweet.
THE PERFECT FAN
It takes a lot to know what is love
It's not the big things, but the little things
That can mean enough
A lot of prayers to get me through
And there is never a day that passes by
I don't think of you
You were always there for me
Pushing me and guiding me
Always to succeed
You showed me
When I was young just how to grow
You showed me
Everything that I should know
You showed me
Just how to walk without your hands
Cos mom you always were
The perfect fan
God has been so good
Blessing me with a family
Who did all they could
And I've had many years of grace
And it flatters me when I see a smile on your face
I wanna thank you for what you've done
In hopes I can give back to you
And be the perfect son
You showed me
When I was young just how to grow
You showed me
Everything that I should know
You showed me
Just how to walk without your hands
'Cause mom you always were
The perfect fan
You showed me how to love
You showed me how to care
And you showed me that you would
Always be there
I wanna thank you for that time
And I'm proud to say you're mine
You showed me
When I was young just how to grow
You showed me
Everything that I should know
You showed me
Just how to walk without your hands
'Cause mom you always were
The perfect fan
'Cause mom you always were,
Mom you always were
Mom you always were
You know you always were
'Cause mom you always were...the perfect fan
I love you mom
Awww...a song written for their moms! It's just so touching. I'm quite sure that when someone grows up and achieves something good, the person that would be the proudest of him/her is his/her mum. In the same vein, when someone does something wrong or says hurtful things, the person that would experience the greatest pain and heartache is also his/her mum. I know that my mum has sacrificed a lot for me, and no matter how good a daughter I can be, I guess I'll never be able to fully repay what she has done for me. Thank you mum and I love you.
Watched a whole lot of google videos today haha. Videos on amazing football tricks and stuff (really quite amazing!). Saw beckham's from-halfway-line goal again and a goalkeeper saving by scorpion kick! The other google videos I watched were all quite stupid and hilarious haha. One on how to enjoy sushi and also back dorm boys' spoofs on BSB's I Want It That Way and Tong Hua. Oh my gosh..could not stop laughing haha. Also watched the nike+ ad..the nike and nano running kit (very cool!! so tempted to buy!!) and the macs/pc videos. Really wasted a lot of time watching videos today la. By the way, I love love love the adidas jose soccer videos for the world cup.
The weather for the past 2 days has been hot hot hot. 30+ degrees!! Now I believe it when they say that summer here can be really really hot. Went out for a run just now, since the weather was pretty okay. Realized haven't run in a long long while, but I felt really refreshed after that.
Going home in 2 weeks' time! Can't wait can't wait. I think I really need a proper break (though I must say summer here has been quite fun..much better than expected). As much as I'm looking forward to go back, there's also a part of me that wonders whether a lot has changed in the past 6 months. Or whether I'll be ready to face a different environment. If you know what I mean. But still, nothing beats being home I guess.
I've been emailing with an old friend lately too. It's kindda nice to be able to still keep in touch with her and well, to hear what's going on over there :) Found out from her that my brother was the camp commandant at a recent sec3/sec4 church camp. And yet, I remember 6 months back, he still didn't really want to go to sunday school/cell, preferring to go the main service instead. It's really so different! I'm pleasantly surprised and proud of him. (By the way..don't know if you will read this or not..the pig you gave me last year is sitting on my table hahaha).
Okay..philo reading.
Watched the last 30min of England-TnT match at UC black chairs just now. Couldn't watch the first part cos of class =(. Quite a number of people were watching the game surprisingly (you'd think that Americans are generally apathetic about soccer, but I guess the world cup is just too good to miss..). It was a really interesting experience, more so cos I think I was like the only girl watching there among a group of guys. Luckily, xh came later on, so at least had someone to talk to during the match. I think the people there just wanted to see goals goals goals..they were like ooh-ing and ah-ing at England's misses, and were like cheering when TnT 'scored' haha. Still, it was another unconvincing performance.
Haha I must admit that the world cup has also been a time to look at the cute guys. What's new? Haha..sounds a bit bimbotic though. So far, I think Holland and Spain have the best-looking teams. Went to arsenal and chelsea's websites last night to look at their players. What the heck. It sounds quite silly now haha.
Okay..chinese test and philo paper due tomorrow. And I don't feel like doing work. Great. The sun is out and the weather is so so inviting! I'm itching to play tennis, but there's no one to play with :( Need to exercise badly.
Have you ever woken up from a dream crying? It has happened 3-4 times to me, and it happened again last night. Most of the times, the dreams have involved friends back home. Am I really that homesick?
me and jessica
mingwei, xinghao, jiaqi
the 5 of us at chaya (mingwei..who are you pointing to??)
Also watched the French Open final showdown between Federer and Nadal (haha..this is what happens when you have tv..ended up watching a lot of stuff). Nadal won the match! The match was exciting I guess, but Federer was so erratic. So many unforced errors and his backhand was just horrendous. But if he did not make errors, the points were very very very good.
Watched Da Vinci Code yesterday, and silly me both fell asleep and screamed during the movie. Yes..I actually screamed for like 10 seconds, and looking back, the part I was screaming is not even scary. Haha. Unbelievable. Was not really comfortable watching the movie though..
Back to work again. Only started work today again, nothing new here. So as usual, it's gonna be last-minute again for me.
The scar on my right hand looks disgustingly gross. I can't help not looking at it. It's too big to miss and it is really paaainful.
It's amazing how I can get so irritated by little things. Shouldn't let them affect me too much. Guess I was just having a really bad day today and was just fed up with every single thing. But thanks to you, though, who attempted to talk to me and stuff before msn really drove me crazy and basically ended all hopes of further conversation.. definitely made me feel a lot better.
World Cup in 2 days' time. Woo hoo!!
Anyway, was just looking through shiping's blog just now and came across photos taken during the jc days. Felt very nostalgic looking through the photos. Everything looked so familiar yet it was such a long time ago. Miss everyone..wonder how you guys are doing now.
The class girls (minus wen hooi and shuyun) during CNY celebrations in j2. Still remember us getting excited cos we could wear our sec sch uniform again haha. Those were the days..
Anyways, I should probably sleep now. Almost 4am already!
Our furnitures came on wednesday. Moving the heavy furnitures was definitely very trying, but I'm glad the place is furnished, so now it looks like we're living more properly, if you know what I mean.. Now, just waiting for internet/phone/cable line to be installed, so there'll be no more 'koping' of other people's bandwidth using wireless haha. I actually like our place; it looks so cosy :) Haven't finished unpacking my stuff though. Feel lazy to do it haha.
Celebrated xinghao's birthday on the stroke of midnight. We wanted to just go into his room with the cake, but he locked his room door haha. Quite anticlimax actually. Happy birthday, mr pan! :) Can't believe you're 22 already haha.
Me and jess went to waterfront on friday. Did a bit of shopping and bought quite a lot of stuff. Think we spent around 5 hours in total! (including traveling time la, but still quite long..). Had a nice time talking with her and stuff. Think we should do this more often, just 2 of us alone. Maybe every friday eh? Haha.
Had another crazy friday night. Think it's become a part of our lives to do something fun/crazy/entertaining/interesting on friday nights. Only this time, it went all the way till saturday morning! It all started with us playing poker (texas hold'em..with chips only) at around midnight. Don't know how long we played for. Just know that I was the first one to be out haha. But I got to play again later on, cos there was 1 blue chip that was left over and that was enough to get me playing again. More people gave me chips to play again haha, but not long after, I was out again, along with xinghao and jiaqi. Seriously, there's nothing much you can do when you have so few chips! Mingwei once again won the game..the amount of chips he has at the end is just insane! Then, the people who got out early (me, xinghao, jiaqi and moss..all the hc people that were there haha) decided to entertain ourselves and play bridge. A very intellectual game, and I realized I was playing with 3 cs people, who were like thinking and thinking and keeping track of every card. Seriously, when I play, I just play, not really thinking that much haha. Then, after that, we decided to play mahjong. That was around 4am I think. I'm not great at mahjong, but think I've improved quite a bit. And we played and played till 7.30am in the morning! Could see the sun that the sun has risen and it was so bright outside. Haha. By the time I went back, it was around 8am. Slept at around 8.30am and woke up at around 2pm. The whole day yesterday, I was so tired and sleepy. Hehe. But it was fun. Still can't believe I stayed up overnight la, playing mahjong. Haha.
Grocery shopping on Saturday at strip district, this stretch of road that sells all the chinese foodstuffs. I'm still not really sure of what to buy and how much we need actually. But it's getting better..at least now we're eating more variety of food, I hope :)
Was looking through the photos taken over the spring semester last night. Thanks to jiaqi for uploading the photos. Realized that a lot of things happened during the sem.. so many things going on! (no wonder they say spring sem here is really crazy). Going through the pictures, and looking at all the smiles and laughters really brought back a lot of memories for me. They say a picture speaks a thousand words, and it's so true. Just looking at them really brought me back to what happened at that point in time, and all the memories just came rushing back. But you know, as good and nice as the pictures are, they only capture the best and nicest moments, and they don't tell the entire story of last sem. I'm sure that for every smile, there was also a tear; for every moment that I felt happy, there was also a moment of sadness as well; for each time that I felt happy to be here and spending time with the friends I have here, there were also times when I felt really homesick, when all I wanted to do was to just go home, and to escape, run away from everything that was going on here, the stress, schoolwork, etc etc. It's really such an emotional rollercoaster huh. Perhaps that's why you only see laughter and smiles in pictures? These good times are the memories that you would want to remember most, to see most frequently, and to tell people about. The negative side..obviously you'd still remember them, but you probably won't want to remember them that often, if it can be helped, and you only keep such stuff to yourself, not really wanting to share them with other people.
Went for church this morning, and I thought that the sermon was fantastic! There were some things the pastor said that struck me. He was asking us students if sometimes, we would just think about getting home as soon as possible from church, cos we are rushed for time. It's like you are forced to go to church, and not really going there to worship Him, hungry for His word. And I realize I have felt that way the past semester unfortunately, more often than not. I can't help feeling distracted in church and all I could think about was work work work. Think it got quite bad. I remember even when I was in Singapore, having so much work, I usually didn't get distracted in church. Is it really cos of the schoolwork (and bad time management) that I became so distracted? Or is it because I've drifted away from Him, grown distant from Him, that I no longer feel the meaning in worship and no longer feel hungry for His word?
The other thing that struck me was something he said about perfection. He commented about how perfection to us and God means different things. To us, perfection means performing your best, and everthing it's about outer appearance, or how the world perceives us. But God wants perfection in our heart. I know that I can be quite a perfectionist, but wanting to be perfect in what?
Just wrote quite a long entry. Need to really unpack my stuff now, and maybe start doing my homework, if not another late night tonight. Sigh..philo reading..descartes. It's driving me crazy. Gonna have a cookout later. It'll definitely be a lot of fun. But our limited cooking skills will be severely tested haha.