flew to Vegas (that's the view from the plane),
was insane enough to try out the insanity ride at stratosphere,
had marshmellows dipped in white chocolate (yummy!), and
saw the famous fountain at the Bellagio.
It has almost been one week! Unbelievable how fast time flies, isn't it? Can't believe that Thanksgiving break is over just like that. I guess I'm suffering from post-Thanksgiving withdrawal symptoms and I'm really missing Vegas! I must say the trip to Vegas was one of the best ever and I only have fond memories of it. Perhaps the only thing I wish I had done there is to watch the sunset at Bellagio..that would have been nice. Then again, as someone said, we can always go there another time. Ah well.
Life post-Thanksgiving break sucks big time. I'm really really so stressed out now with so many things to do over the final weeks of school! Many many homeworks to be done (I'm 1/4 way through my 4 homeworks due Friday), 1 last midterm (discrete-time finance), internship applications (I hate writing essays and cover letters and what not!), games for EOS dinner to prepare for. All in the space of 2 weeks! And after that, it is finals week and I have 5 papers to sit for in 3 days.
Sigh..thinking about all this stuff just gives me a big headache and makes me feel very overwhelmed and helpless. It doesn't help that I feel rather sian doing all those stuff, but more importantly, I have no idea how to prioritize and how to manage my time! It's like everything that I have to do are all important and I have to do them at one point in time, but I can't decide which ones to start doing first and which ones to do later. Like homeworks and internship essay. Should I do my homework first and push the essay to do it at a later time, even though I know that it's better to submit my application as early as possible? Or should I do my essay first and homework later, and risk not having enough time to do my homework? And it sucks that I don't know how long I will take to do either.
Okay I guess I should stop complaining. But gosh, I really don't know what to do!
Anyway, check out the article on CMU's website on BSCF program (click here). The article labels graduates from the bachelor's program "mathematicians with business acumen", or business-minded mathematicians. I'm still rather uncomfortable at being referred to as a mathematician though. Sounds so..cheem and erm...geeky??
Something that caught my eye was the last paragraph.
Because graduates are well prepared, they are in high demand for full-time employment and internships. In 2006, the program achieved 100 percent placement of graduating students, with several students receiving multiple offers well before graduation. The program also achieved 100 percent placement of rising seniors seeking internships. Graduates of the precursor program to the BSCF now work at Deutsche Bank, Goldman Sachs, Citigroup, UBS, Bank of America, Citadel, American Express and similar institutions.
It is encouraging to see that the seniors have performed well, but there is also the pressure that comes with the high expectations of comp finance people. Oh well. I guess I am still trying to get used to the fact that I have just been upgraded to junior standing, or in other words, I am now a rising senior.
Sigh. Better start getting some work done. 4 homework due Friday and I don't want to do everything so last-minute.
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless, aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, it's only seed
It's the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember, in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love
In the spring, becomes the rose
Argh! I hope I made the right decision.
Is telling a white lie okay? I feel bad that I had to tell a white lie.
Day 1:
Took the early morning flight to LV and landed at around 10am (3 hour time difference). After checking in to the hotel and lunch, we took the monorail to the Stratosphere, which is so insanely tall at 100+ storeys high, but the view from high up was really nice. I have a fear of heights, but I was still quite adventurous enough to try out one of the rides, called Insanity, where you are basically dangling 109 storeys high up in the air being spinned around. I thought it was a good ride, though I did have headache towards the end, and surprisingly, I was not scared at all. In the evening, we visited places along the Strip, such as Bellagio, New York, Paris, and took lots of pictures! I was quite amazed by the number of theme-hotels there..they all look rather touristry, but I still like the places that we went to. Had a fabulous buffet dinner with fantastic desserts! Imagine marshmellow dipped in white chocolate..yummy! (There is a white chocolate fountain). And delicious cheesecake! So sinful...
the stratosphere from a distance/the insanity ride/view from the stratosphere (obviously, my camera doesn't do justice to it..).
another view from the stratosphere (check out the golf courses!)/coconut trees along the road (reminds me of LA)
Paris/Bellagio/Excalibur (looks like something taken from Disneyland, don't you think so?)
Day 2:
Went to Grand Canyon. The drive down there and back took up the entire day, but it was worth it. We stopped at Hoover Dam along the way and had buffet lunch. The view from Grand Canyon was simply breathtaking (it is, after all, one of the seven wonders of the world). We were lucky that we were able to stay there till the sunset. The sunset there was so so so beautiful (and I think that's an understatement). As time went by, the sunset got even prettier and the whole view just left me speechless.
hoover dam/grand canyon
me and jessica..yay!!/gazing into the distance hehe
sunset
Day 3:
Black Friday = Thanksgiving sale! Went shopping at Prima outlet in the morning and this time, I splurged a lot, considering that we only shopped for 3 hours. Oops. After lunch, we headed down to the Strip again. This time, we went to Venetian, Treasure Island, Mirage and Bellagio again. Had another delicious buffet dinner, this time it was Japanese. And the desserts were also amazing! Green tea + mango ice-cream and so many types of cheesecakes! After dinner, we went to Caesar's Palace before heading back to the hotel. Mingwei tried his hand at roulette and after that, we were off to the airport to catch the midnight flight back to Pittsburgh.
venetian/gondolas!
Bellagio and the fountain
My favorite place is Bellagio. I love love love the fountain show and I think I can just stand there for hours, watching the waters dancing to the rhtyhm of the music. A close second would of course be Grand Canyon.
Can't believe that Thanksgiving break, something which I've been looking forward to, is almost over just like that and it's now back to reality, back to cold Pittsburgh (though the weather has been slightly warmer today). And back to school..and 4 homeworks due Friday! Ugh. But all in all, Vegas was a truly memorable experience.
-getting done with discrete-time finance homework
-my code actually worked! well okay, i didn't really come up with the code, but i managed to fix it and debug it myself
-inclining up mount washington and watching the magnificent pittsburgh skyline being lit up at night by fireworks. such a breathtaking view, and great company too!
-ktv. although i didn't sing much, at least i had the chance to sing a few english songs. ahh..something i really really miss from singapore
-eating char kway teow, another piece of home
-talking to my mum and my brother on the phone and discussing winter break plans back home
-playing the keyboard. i've printed quite a few scores and i've managed to play "right here waiting for you", "all or nothing", "here i am to worship" and "yesterday" on the keyboard! learning to play more songs now
-warm/hot drinks on cold days (latte, mocha, hot chocolate, tea, hot milo, etc.)
-the sun! at least the sun made the cold days seem less dreary
-getting selected for interview by Jane Street Capital for assistant trader summer internship position
-getting done with TA test. i think it didn't go that badly!
-joking around with friends
-watching past episodes of survivor
-watching casino royale at waterfront
-thanksgiving break and las vegas!
And the list goes on. Well, I won't deny that I have had a pretty stressful weekend, with many things going on and being really hard pressed for time. But I'm glad I managed to find a few things to be thankful and be glad about and it made me feel much better. Life ain't that bad after all, is it?
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
I guess I have had a really rough weekend. And I don't think I'm helping myself this way. Sigh..
LEAVE IT TO GOD
When you're down and troubled,
When you're sad and blue,
Just leave it to God
For God holds our tomorrow
And He holds our hands
My mum gave this to me when I was back in Singapore for summer break. The card has been sitting on my table ever since I came back here and I have not really paid much attention it until recently. But yeah, that's what mum always tells me and I'm glad for the constant reminder to just leave it to Him.
I have felt an inner sense of peace all day today, which I have not felt in a long time. I can't really describe it..it's just the feeling of assurance and comfort, but it feels good :)
Sharing lives and sharing days
My love it had so many empty spaces
I'm sharing a memory now
I hope that's how it stays
The first verse of Gary Barlow's Forever Love. The song has been stuck in my head ever since I heard it for the first time two weeks ago. I think I'm actually even looping the song..well, okay, at most 3 times haha. I don't really wanna play it too many times in case I get sick of it. But I don't know, for some strange reason, the song still touches my heart.
Course registration today and it didn't really go that smoothly for me, but ah well. I've just discovered that I can actually graduate with both business and econs minors! But I'm not sure if graduating with 2 minors is weird.
I read on WSJ today that there is a new range of credit cards with coffee smell!! I can't imagine having a credit card which smells of caffeine!! Haha.
I keep on forgetting that the new season of OC has started. Ugh ugh. I think it's now 3 episodes into the new season, so it's not too late to catch up. Still reeling from the shocker from last season's finale, in which Marissa (one of the main characters) died, so she's no longer going to be in the show. It sucks that OC clashes with Survivor (I think). Bleah. And I haven't watched Desperate Housewives for a few weeks now too.
It's gonna be a busy busy busy next few days ahead for me. 2 IM ping pong matches tomorrow, accounting midterm on friday (which I'm quite worried about), math finance assignment due on monday (and it's still bugging me! i hate the feeling of being near, yet so far..) and ktv on saturday (yay! but english songs please..). Oh well.
Anyway, over the past few days, I have realized that I'm indeed really blessed and there are many things I should actually be thankful for. It's easy to complain, get frustrated and depressed, blame everyone around you but yourself, when things aren't going so well. And then you start questioning why He has done this to me, why everything must be going from bad to worse, why something cannot go right for once, that sort of stuff. But I guess I have the tendency to magnify the horrible little things that happen to me and yet when the good things happen, I just look at them fleetingly, as if expecting that good things should be happening to me all the time. My point is, for every one "bad" thing, there is also a "good" thing, if not more, that has happened to me. I'm certain that there are millions of things that I should be thankful for, but instead, I'm actually complaining for more and not really appreciating the rich blessings that have been provided to me. I know I have said this many times before, but I haven't really changed my attitude yet, and I really should.
The first time I watched the Father's Love Letter in church, I was on the verge of tears. Today, when I watched it the second time, it was the same, and I could not hold back my tears. The Father's Love Letter is basically just a collection of scriptures that have been paraphrased to serve as encouragement and as a reminder that God loves us and desires to be our Father. I really find the message very powerful and when I watched it each time, it felt as if the Lord was speaking directly to me, prompting me not to wait any longer to seek Him. I have always been Father, and will always be Father. My question is..will you be my child? I am waiting for you. It reminds me of what Esther said during cell once, that Jesus is always waiting by the fireplace for us and everytime we walk out from our doors, He would call out to us, but most of us would just ignore Him and continue with our busy lives. Yet Jesus will always be sitting by the fireplace, waiting for the time when we finally have the time to acknowledge Him and to respond to His call. It really makes me feel bad because I have been guilty of this countless times. The thing is, we don't know how much longer we have before it is too late for us to change.
It seems that my mum wants me to go to NY for interviews more than I want to, and it makes me feel a little guilty, if not ashamed of myself. She doesn't care whether I have to pay more to change my flight or whether I have to go back much later, while all this while, I was just so tempted to just take the easy way out and not go.
It hasn't been a smooth week so far, with a horrible midterm yesterday, plenty of work to do, such as programming in math finance which is really really bugging me, accounting midterm on friday and i've no idea what's going on in accounting class. Arghhh...I can go on and on complaining. But I'm trying to think positive.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
On a brighter note, this week has been a relatively good week for me. Of course, there are the usual homeworks and midterms to go through, but it's good that I'm taking them by stride and not letting them bother me too much. This week will be slightly busier in terms of work - 2 midterms which I have to do well in because I bombed the previous ones and more difficult homework (read: coding in math finance!! and I've forgotten most of the programming stuff I have learned). Ah well.
My advisor succintly summed up what computational finance is about: math, statistics, programming and finance. I haven't done much of the finance stuff yet and the BSCF program doesn't require much programming either (which is good in a sense), but you know, as much as I'm struggling with programming or griping about a few of the courses being too math sometimes, I guess I really enjoy doing comp finance after all. That aside, course registration is this week and I haven't quite made up my mind over which psych course to take!
I saw Dennis Quaid on Friday after class while they were filming! Too bad I didn't have a camera with me. I tried taking pictures with my phone, but they came out very small and blur ( I couldn't zoom!). Talking about films, I watched a silly comedy, John Tucker Must Die, which was so stupidly funny it made me laugh a lot, and LA Confidential, which was probably one of the darkest films I have ever seen. There was nothing scary in the horror shows kind of way, but the music playing in the background was pretty scary and suspenseful. And watching the movie gave me a nightmare last night about violence! Ugh.
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' til you find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anyting, more than anything
My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there getting' where you're getting' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish
I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you
And the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything
My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there getting' where you're getting' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish
My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there getting' where you're getting' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish
This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big
I've been listening to country songs all day. I guess I like country music too. And I love Rascal Flatts! I like the sincerity in the lyrics of their songs.
Anyway, this New York stuff is driving me crazy. I called the airline again today and it seems that each time, something new crops up. Changing my flight back is so difficult and the troublesome-ness of it all is making me feel very lazy to go to NY. I know I shouldn't have that kind of attitude, but really. I hope this will get resolved soon.
I had a very sinful lunch of waffles with ice-cream and maple syrup. Sigh. I hate how I'm becoming so much more self-conscious these days, almost to the point of feeling sorry for myself.
Should I take personality or cognitive psych? Should I take something which interests me more (personality) or something which gives me a better schedule (cog psych)? Hmm.
It is so warm and sunny outside today and why am I at home?? Haha. The weather has been very unpredictable lately, but I guess I shouldn't be suprised, knowing that it's Pittsburgh.
Dennis Quaid and Sarah Jessica Parker are on campus! They're gonna be here filming for their new movie, Smart People, until next week I suppose. I hope I'll be able to catch them one of these days.
My youngest brother is having his O levels now and we were talking the other day about how his papers so far have been. I realized that I took my Os 4 years ago and talking about it with my brother makes me feel so old! Time really flies huh. And I'm now in my second last year of undergrad here!
Time...something which is a gift from God, but something which I've never really appreciated and I've always taken for granted. I guess I should do something about it because somewhere down the road, I don't want to look back and say I wish I had the time to do this and that. I know I tend to think that I have all the time in the world, but time is finite. And as they say, time waits for no man.
I love Sharapova's new dress! Doesn't she look pretty in purple?
On a brighter note, vegas in 2 weeks' baby! :) Haha.
Anyway, the lyrics to this song makes me just wanna go awwwww.
Yesterday Once More (The Carpenters)
When I was young
I'd listen to the radio
Waiting for my favorite songs
When they played I'd sing along
It made me smile
Those were such happy times
And not so long ago
How I wondered where they'd gone
But they're back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well
Every sha-la-la-la
Every wo-wo-wo
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they started to sing
So fine
When they get to the part
Where he's breakin' her heart
It can really make me cry
Just like before
It's yesterday once more
Looking back on how it was
In years gone by
And the good times that I had
Makes today seem rather sad
So much has changed
It was songs of love that
I would sing to then
And I'd memorize each word
Those old melodies
Still sound so good to me
As they melt the years away
Every sha-la-la-la
Every wo-wo-wo
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they started to sing
So fine
All my best memories
Come back clearly to me
Some can even make me cry
Just like before
It's yesterday once more
Every sha-la-la-la
Every wo-wo-wo
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they started to sing
So fine
Anyway, I screwed up my phone interview today. My mind just went blank and I totally didn't know what to say at all! Maybe I was too nervous. I was asked questions about investment banking and specifically, what corporate finance is about because that's the program area I'm applying for, and I was like I know this, but NOTHING CAME TO MIND. Arghh!! And then I was asked what newspaper headline/financial news I have read recently. Again, I was like I'm sure I know a few headlines because I've been reading WSJ quite a bit, but I COULD NOT REMEMBER ANYTHING. Bummer! In the end I said something about UBS execs being involved in a scandal. Oops. I couldn't even answer the personal questions properly and I had the impression that the interviewer wasn't very impressed. Sigh. I hope it's not that bad.
I just found a site that has piano chords of many many many English songs. So yay! That brightened up my day considerably.
Off to eat another scoop of ice-cream. Darn darn darn. I've about an hour left before I go to school to meet my advisor, so I better get some work done.
By the way, the idea of doing an MBA straight after my undergrad just crossed my mind yesterday. I was looking at Tepper's 3-2 program and it looked tempting in the sense that I can save some time and I just finish all my education before I work, and not have to go back to school after I have worked. But, masters in CMU?? Hmm. What should I do?
Anyway, it has been a good weekend and I'm really glad for the (short) break from school. The opportunity to unwind a little, spend some time with my friends and get away from work for a while, though I still did a bit of work (well, life of a CMU student..).
Watched The Usual Suspects on Friday night and it is a brilliant film. I usually don't cry when listening to songs, but Gary Barlow's Forever Love made me want to tear. And Bon Jovi's Bed of Roses is stuck in my head now! I'm also back into my "koping songs" mode haha. Many many more Bon Jovi songs in my collection now! I know that I like pop-rock songs best, but I realize the songs that have the piano playing in the background are the ones that leave the most impression on me. Listening to music played on the piano has always managed to calm me down and given me a sense of peace and yeah, I really do miss playing the piano.
Going back plans to Singapore in december are still not confirmed yet. It's really very very messy right now. But somehow, I have this sense of inner peace that everything will be sorted out in the end. And I'm glad for that.
I was telling a few friends yesterday that whenever people ask me how I am doing, I'd always reply, "Good. But I'm feeling very tired". I realized that I usually tell people I am feeling very tired and stressed, and that just sounds so miserable! I don't really want to make myself sound so depressed and get others feeling rather depressed too. So well, I guess I really should learn to take things just as they come and not worry so much. Don't frown and smile more instead haha (besides, frowning will give me wrinkles!!). I have told myself this many times before, but I have not really succeeded yet, but I promise I'll try. Thank you to people who have given me words of encouragement over the past week. Talking to you guys have made me feel much better and I really appreciate that :)
Next week: homework due tomorrow(!!) and midterm on friday. And phone interview on Tuesday. The weekend is going to end soon, but I'm feeling much more refreshed now.
All the best to my two brothers for their exams! Can't wait to see you guys soon!
I am feeling very sian right now and I have no idea why. I'm not sure whether sian is the right word to describe it. But it's the feeling that everything sucks and everything is going against me kind of feeling. It is so easy to be sucked into this whole "why is everything going so badly" thing and it just makes me feel worse. The more I think about things, the more I become miserable. I can't take this anymore and it's so hard to just control my emotions. And I realize I have become depressed rather easily lately. What is wrong with me? Please think positive think positive.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Last-minute change in plans to go back is seriously driving me crazy. So is internship application. Yesterday, I decided that I'm not going to apply by the first-round deadline. So I just gave up doing the essay questions. And then I read that I'll have a better chance if I apply by the first-round deadline, but it was too late already. So well, whatever.
I should just calm down.
Anyhow, looking at the grin next to your msn nick somehow makes me smile. And it reminds me that I probably should smile more, be more cheerful, to not think too much about things and to just take things easy. So thank you for that.
I believe in a hope that carries on
I believe in these things and more
Most of all, most of all
I believe in love
Taken from a song by a band I've been listening to a lot this week - Third Day. Reminds me of a verse in the Bible. "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love" (1 Corinthians 13:13).
Anyway, probability midterm today was..hmm..okay I guess. Don't really know how to make out of it. At least I didn't forget that I had the cheat sheets with me like I did last time. Haha. Well, let's just say I did all the questions I could and I think I did them well, but I didn't finish the paper. Oh well whatever.
Rushing off to finish my SEO application by the first round deadline tonight. Not sure if I should submit it tonight or leave it till the second round deadline, which will be during the first week of my finals. But I'm just left with 2 essay questions. "Give an example of a time when you had to operate outside of your comfort zone. Briefly describe the situation and your actions". The other is about how the program will help me in my professional goals. Ugh..so hard to start writing (and crapping)! Sigh.
Should I or should I not go to NY? Turns out that my parents couldn't change my booking from back home so I'll have to do it myself. But I'm trying to justify me going to NY cos well, there're only around 2 (or 3) companies I'm really interested in that will be there interviewing. In any case, because of a crazy final schedule - all 5 papers in the first week, back-to-back papers on two days!! - which means that I finish early, I have about 5 days before I go back on Thursday. I think I will be quite bored if I stay here haha.