Then today, my group used the Bloomberg terminal for our project and I was only supposed to quit Bloomberg, but somehow I did that and I logged off the computer as well! Which means that the other group who wanted to use the terminal couldn't log on because we didn't know the username and password for the terminal. I had no idea why I did that and I felt so bad doing it.
I know these are only little things. Maybe I was just having an "off" day. But it surely feels like I'm losing my mind!
I think I can be too much of a perfectionist sometimes. I get too caught up with making every single little thing perfect and I am aware that my attitude may irritate other people sometimes. Of course it may be good to be detail-oriented, but I shouldn't go overboard. Hopefully, I will be able to change my attitude, chill a little and not be so picky over every single little detail.
Another thing I have realized is that it is very easy for me to judge other people and then criticize them, but I think sometimes I get too carried away and I forget the fact that everyone is not flawless and that I make mistakes too. My point is, I think I need to learn to be more forgiving and accepting of other people. I don't want to leave this place with things left hanging/unresolved or with negative impressions of other people; I hope to be able to remember the positive ones more than the negative ones.
Oh well. Graduation is slowly drawing closer, and it is officially 53 days to graduation. I know I know..I shouldn't keep dwelling on it and be so emo about it, as a friend has put it haha. But with graduation looming, I realize I need to prepare myself to actually leave this place that has been my home for the past 2-3 years. I mean, not that I haven't started doing that already, but it's just that it's becoming more important for me to do so. And with that, there are so many non-school related things that I have to settle. Finish up my tax forms (which are a hassle cos I need to decide whether to keep my bank account), book hotel in NYC, confirm traveling plans for my parents, find people to sell my stuff to, find out about relocation companies here and packing!! (Which I foresee is going to give me a big headache). Haha. I can go on and on but it's not going to make things better. Just trying to take things one at a time, as they come, and not make myself so stressed out about them. As they say, don't sweat the small stuff =)
The weather is so warm today! It puts me in a much brighter mood and I hope this is the first sign that spring is finally here. I just hope it won't suddenly snow or become cold again after today. You would think that after being here for so long, I would have grown accustomed to the unpredictable weather and fluctuating temperatures, but I still complain very much about the weather and think it is crazy. Haha. I guess some things in life never fail to amaze me.
I swear to you
I will always be there for you
There's nothing I won't do
I promise you
All my life I will live for you
We will make it through
Forever we will be
Together you and me
Oh and when I hold you nothing can compare
With all of my heart you know I'll always be right there
I believe in us
Nothing else could ever mean so much
You're the one I trust
Our time has come
We're not two people now we are one
You're second to none
Forever we will be
Together a family
The more I get to know you nothing can compare
With all of my heart you know I'll always be right there
Forever we will be
Together just you and me
The more I get to know you the more I really care
With all of my heart you know I'll always be
You know I really love you nothing can compare
For all of my life you know I'll always be right there
On a personal note, this trip was probably the last trip with my friends before graduation and I had a really good time. It ranks up there as one of the best and I am really grateful for all the fun and laughter, as well as for the time spent with this crazy bunch of people :)
This was the second time I visited San Fran. I liked it a lot the first time I came and that has not changed yet. San Fran and New York are probably my favorite places in the US, for different reasons. We did quite a lot of things in the five days there, so I thought I'd write about the places we went to and the things we did, in case my memory fails me =p
Day 1:
We went to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom! It was a roller-coaster day and my head was literally spinning after riding three roller-coasters one after another, including Medusa (which happens to be the tallest, longest and fastest roller-coaster in Northern California and my favorite ride of all). We took it slightly easy after that, partly because the rides were not as exciting and quite a few of the remaining rides had technical problems. We watched the dolphin show and Shouka (aka Suaku) the whale, and took lots of pictures too, especially with the tree with pretty pink leaves. Dinner at Pier Market at Fisherman's Wharf where we had our first taste of delicious clam chowder.
Day 2:
Woke up before 6 to catch sunrise. Went to Golden Gate Bridge after that, followed by a tour of Alcatraz Island, my second visit there having gone there before. Had lunch at Alioto's, an Italian restaurant at Fisherman's Wharf where we had a terrific view of the wharf and surrounding areas. We took the Golden Gate Bay Cruise after lunch, which took us around the bay area, past the Bay Bridge, Golden Gate Bridge (just realised that we never got down to playing bridge under the bridge haha), Alcatraz and many more and we had a very good view of the surrounding areas. Even though it was very windy, the cruise was really worth taking. We went to a place with old arcade machines after that and played with really silly machines, including one 1-cent super random machine hahaha. Headed down to Ghirardelli Square after that and all of us practically went nuts over the chocolates there. Went to catch sunset at a place near the beach (forgot the name, but I remember it being very cold and windy) before having a spread at Koi's Palace (one of my favorite restaurants there). Xiao long bao, roast duck, fish maw soup, steamed sea bass! Mmmmm....
Day 3:
We headed down to Napa and Sonoma for a wine country tour. We visited 3 different wineries and the visitors' center as well. Tasted 3 different wines at each of the winery. After a while, I couldn't really differentiate between the tastes, but I think my favorite is the Orange Merlot. We had a lunch break at Swiss Hotel (Italian restaurant) in Sonoma. Besides the wines, we were also treated to spectacular views at each of the winery. I really love the countryside views, the green landscape with colorful flowers, mountains and valleys in the distance. We even spotted quite a number of cows and sheep grazing on the fields. After the wine tour, we walked around Fisherman's Wharf and Pier 39 again before meeting Siyang, Priscilla and Winston for a ramen dinner. Headed back to the hotel after that and ate red bean ice-cream and drank more wine (bought earlier during the day).
Day 4:
Woke up early again to catch sunrise, this time at Twin Peaks. A different view of the downtown skyline, but still breath-taking nonetheless. We headed down to Golden Gate Park after that and went to the Japanese Tea Garden, which was really beautiful. Had a lot of fun taking random pictures (and how can I forget the Amazing Race video? Hahaha). We went to Chinatown next, driving up and down the steep slopes of San Fran streets (it really felt like riding on a roller-coaster!) and driving down the world's crookedest street at Lombard Street. Had a dim sum lunch at Chinatown. The dim sum was so-so, but it was enough to satisfy my dim sum cravings :) We walked around the area after lunch before driving down to Berkeley in late afternoon. I was looking forward to visiting Berkeley because it's one of the schools I'm considering to apply to later on. I had a very different impression after visiting the school this time. For some reason, I found the school much more vibrant and I really like the independent feeling I get from walking around the campus. It is such a huge school, much much bigger compared to CMU but I had a much better impression of the school compared to the first time I went there. We drove back to San Fran after that and visited the Coit Tower, hoping to catch the sunset, but we didn't manage to get a good view. Dinner at McCormick's at Fisherman's Wharf, my other favorite restaurant, where we had our most expensive dinner (but it was our last proper dinner in San Fran anyway).
Day 5:
We decided to take it easy and slow on the last day. Had brunch at IHOP at Fisherman's Wharf, followed by yummy ice-cream at Ghirardelli Square :) Stopped by Chinatown to buy egg tarts before going to Civic Center after that and we walked around Union Square and the surrounding areas, taking pictures along the way. Drove to Stanford after that and we met up with Alan, who gave us a campus tour. The Stanford campus is so so beautiful! Stanford has always been, and is still, my dream school. Hopefully I can go there for my grad school next time! I also met up with Edwin at Stanford, whom I haven't seen ever since we left JC! Had a very shiok dinner at Shiok!, a Singapore restaurant near there. Hokkien mee, oyster omelet and teh tarik!! We rushed to the airport and caught the red-eye flight back to Pittsburgh (boo).
That pretty much sums up our itirenary there and now, I am back in Pittsburgh, trying to find motivation to catch up with a bit of schoolwork and study for midterms (I have 2 next week). But at least it's still spring break and I want to make the most of spring break that's left to just unwind and chill a little before starting what is going to be a very very fast second-half of the semester.
Someone asked me yesterday whether I have done half of the things that I want to do before graduation since we are almost halfway through the semester. And it struck me that I don't know exactly what I want to do. I mean I keep saying that there are certain things that I want to do and all that and to have no regrets, but all of that sounds so vague. I guess I'm not the type of person who keeps a list of what to do, but somehow I was left feeling clueless. I think you can never say enough is enough, in the sense that there is probably an endless list of things to do, and what is important is to prioritize and to know which ones you value more, but I don't even know! And it gives me the impression that my life has no purpose at all.
In the end, I answered my friend and told him that I hope to be able to spend as much time as possible with people I'm close to here, which would make me happy enough. But am I really doing that? Can I really quantify how much is enough? And honestly, suddenly, I feel like I don't even know who I'm close to anymore. I feel that I am no longer close to the people I thought I was close to. Sure, there are certain people I talk to and hang out more frequently than others, but deep down, is the friendship real? Is it genuine?
Maybe all this just boils down to my fear of losing my friends again, with only memories of the past left. It is most likely that I'm the only one, out of our circle of friends, who won't be in Pittsburgh anymore come next semester. People move on and they would slowly learn to adapt to life without you being a part of it anymore. And it takes effort, on both parts, to continue to maintain what you have formed; otherwise, it is easily lost.
It is really amazing how one's moods can change so drastically in a day. All of a sudden, I feel lost. I feel insecure. I feel lonely. I think this post doesn't make sense anymore. Maybe I am just in one of my mood swings. Maybe I should stop over-analyzing and thinking too much about things.