I guess on top of it all, I've been losing motivation to get my work done. There is no sense of urgency anymore and whenever I sit down at my table, I would do all sorts of random stuff before actually getting down to do work. Which partly explains my all-nighter last night. Maybe it is a case of seniorities setting in already? Oh well.
You know, these days, whenever people ask me how I am doing, I would obligingly reply that I am doing good. Truth is, I know that that cannot be further from the truth. I am struggling right now to cope with everything that is going my way and it is just so hard to get settled down to college life again, to a life that I had been accustomed to in my first two years here. I'm not sure if it's entirely due to my lack of time management, but I guess I have underestimated how tough classes are going to be and the amount of workload I have. I told myself that I will take it slow in the first half of the semester at least, but that has obviously not happened. Grad classes and group meetings have really taken a toll on me; I didn't expect grad classes to be so intense. My mum also advised me against TA-ing this semester but I was adamant that I would do it. Even though I have quite liked it so far, TA-ing means more committment to school activities and keeping myself more busy.
Something that I badly miss from my internship is the daily lunches/dinner with the other interns and a few of my colleagues. We had a good time just talking and not thinking about work for once, and I guess that is something that is really lacking now. When I'm talking to people, it is mostly about schoolwork and job search, and I really do need a break from all those! I don't really like all this smalltalk and I really miss all the silly banter we used to have. I don't know..I just feel like I have been living in a glasshouse lately. And for some reason, I sense that I have become more bitter, defensive and spiteful as well, even when talking to my mum. I mean in the past few semesters, schoolwork has always kept me busy as well, but I don't remember being as miserable. Sigh.
Maybe it is the lack of sleep that is causing me to be in a rather foul mood today. But it has been difficult to find bright, positive things out of this semester so far. I guess my senior year in college has not been as fun as what I had expected or thought it would be.
For example, this past week, I have had 2 homework deadlines extended (my simulation homework and marketing case) and I really needed those extensions because I had to deal with BOC stuff and I would have had to sleep much later if I didn't get those extensions. And my ODI meeting, which was supposed to be on Friday, was postponed to this afternoon because a few of my group members had other commitments on Friday and again, that worked better for me because I at least had the time to look through the readings and the cases before the meeting.
With regards to the offer, I realize that I shouldn't be complaining too much about not really wanting to decide and not liking having to decide (I mean it is a big decision), but I do have an offer and it is definitely a nice feeling knowing that you have something in the bag, versus not having an offer at all. The terms of the contract are quite good too and I like the team there, which is a big bonus. So I guess I have no right to complain so much.
I have also tried to book a hotel for my parents to stay when they are here to visit me and I couldn't make reservations online, so I called the hotel up on Friday and managed to make reservations, even though the rates are very expensive. Today, I found out that my cousin could actually get corporate rates for the hotel, and the rates are quite cheap! It was a really pleasant surprise.
I guess more often than not, I often take a microscopic view of my life and fail to look at the big picture. I like to complain about lots of little things, but come to think of it, I really have no right to complain because He has done many more wonderful things in my life. I really have to change my perspective and be more grateful and contented.
May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow;
For every tear, a smile;
For every care, a promise;
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share;
For every sigh, a sweet song;
And an answer for each prayer.
This week is going to be another crazy week as well, starting with midterm for my ODI class tomorrow and a graded presentation on Tuesday, that will make up 20% of my grade. On top of that, I have 3 homeworks due (2 on Wednesday and 1 Friday), grading to be done by tomorrow and more group meetings for 2 of my classes. AHHH!!! And this is just the academic stuff. I feel that with so many things to be done, I just get into an autopilot mode after a while, not really pausing to think or consider the people around me and just wanting to get the work done, and I don't really like that.
Singapore Food Fest is going to be held this Friday. It feels rather weird not to be involved so much in this year's event, considering that this is most likely going to be my last food fest as well, and the fact that I was involved large-scale in last year's event, having to settle the finances and logistics, and setting up a stall too. Ah well. Still excited about it though cos there are more stalls this year and the food looks good!
I must admit I have been very addicted to caffeine. I have been going to Starbucks (or places that sell coffee) to buy coffee/cappuccino/latte/mocha etc. It is a habit that I picked up during my internship and I am trying to get rid of it without much success. Even when I have enough sleep and don't really feel sleepy, I keep telling myself that I have to get one because I can't function without a cup of hot drink in the morning. Ugh.
This week has been an insanely crazily busy week for me. And it has not ended yet. I have work to complete from every single class, group meetings, grading and on top of that, deciding on what to do after graduation. There is just simply not enough time to do everything and I hope I'm not getting burned out so early in the semester. As it is, I have so many things to do over the weekend already - group meeting, ODI midterm and marketing report due Monday and a presentation to make on Tuesday, among other things. Ah!!!
Oh well. Enough rambling/complaining for me. I just need to vent out a little bit. I feel like I'm going crazy and my head is all over the place with the amount of things I have to do, but hopefully, I will be able to focus on one thing at a time and just leave it up to Him.
I'm not really happy with the way things are going right now. It seems as if I'm using excuses (read: being very busy now and not having time off after work) to justify why I don't seem to have enough time to complete my assignments. It is really overwhelming to always think about the things I have to do. Time to really prioritise so that I can at least check a few things off my to-do list! That way, I won't feel so stressed.
I read Sumiko Tan's article on Sunday Times, "A Woman Needs A Man". Haha. Thought it was a pretty interesting article, coming from her. But yeah, I do think it's nice to have someone to share your life with, to spend your time with and to love.
I was looking through the (very few) pictures I took during my internship, both in Singapore and Hong Kong, just now and it made me miss my internship even more. I really miss the people there and the interns as well, and I suppose the team that we have is probably the biggest reason why I would want to go back there to work next year. But I am still not sure and in my mind, there are so many things to consider, and I am not comfortable accepting the offer just like that. I really need to figure out what I want to do and what I want to get out of my life, and I need to do that fast.
I tried making begedel (fried potato fritters with minced meat) for dinner just now. Not too bad considering it was my first try, but there is definitely room for improvement (i.e. not making it so burnt). Haha.
Shall go back to work. I am so..inundated..with work it's really crazy. I still have not thought of a suitable topic to present and I have to present the draft of the slides on Tuesday!! Argh. It is really driving me crazy!!
Tomorrow is the deadline to add courses and I still have not made up my mind on which class to take! I have been deciding between marketing, venture capital investing and piano (classical piano lessons which can be taken for credits) and after going for the second venture cap class, I have decided to drop it. So now, I am left to decide between marketing and piano and I really don't know what to do! I thought taking piano would be a good idea since I have been wanting to pick up playing piano again, but the fees are not cheap (though reasonable) and I need time to practise. Marketing is not a bad course to take either because it will help to develop my soft skills, but I am not really interested in it and there is a group project (and I have a few projects for other courses as well). Argh!! I guess the more choices I have, the more indecisive I am (not that I am not in the first place).
Besides that, I have more or less adjusted back to life here, but still have to get into the mood of doing work again! It is going so fast that I barely have time to do anything else but homeworks. Maybe it is because I am taking 2 grad classes this semester and they are really intense because they are mini courses. I bombed my first homework for Numerical Methods mostly cos I started it the day before and underestimated the difficulty of the homework. Oh well. I have to start writing a first draft for my presentation class as well, although I have only finally decided on the topic yesterday. Still have to update resume, apply for jobs and TA as well! So many many things to do. I guess I really *have* to learn to manage my time better.
A friend told me online that she met the person I had worked most closely with during my internship at an alumni dinner held by the university. Haha. I was really surprised when she told me that, but yeah, it is such a coincidence! And well, it made me miss my internship experience a little bit.
It has been two weeks since the last day of my internship, and today is also supposed to be the original deadline to make our decision. To be honest, I have not had time to think about it and decide. I guess I am leaning towards taking it up, but each time, I seem to keep changing my mind and I really have a hard time deciding! Oh well. I know I cannot let this drag for too long, even though I have a Nov 1 deadline.
Anyway, one of the projects I was working on during the internship has been declared a success and is closing! I am really happy about it because we did a lot of work and put in quite a bit of effort on it, so it is nice that our work has paid off :)
I'm quite looking forward to the long weekend that we have and some much-needed rest. But what I think I really need is to get away from everything, everyone, and go to somewhere quiet where I can just spend some time by myself. Ah well.
A huge pile of work is waiting to be cleared and it is only the first weekend. Deciding on a last class to take is giving me such a headache. I guess that is the price to pay for wanting to finish (or rush off) in three years. And I am down with sore throat already and I don't know why!!