My appetite has been very unrestrained this week. Which makes me feel very very guilty. I've just been eating A LOT in general. Just keep on eating and eating, snacking on various stuff, even though I don't feel hungry.
I haven't decided whether I should go to NY yet, but my parents have postponed me going back by one day anyway. Which makes me feel rather obligated to go to NY, but oh well. Air fares look rather cheap, but I hate the idea of going there by myself. And going there for an interview. It's gonna be very tiring with all the traveling. I'm supposed to go back to Jakarta on Christamas eve and I'll be heading to Bali after that for family reunion! Before going back to Singapore again.
I dreamt last night that I was on the plane ride back to Singapore and I was just so happy to be going back. Then I woke up, looked around me and the realization that I was somewhere far away from home hit me and suddenly, I just found this place so foreign. What a way to start the day! Sigh. The thought of going back and December holidays has been playing in my mind a lot lately. I hope I'm not homesick or burned out or anything. This sem is probably the slackest in that I only have a 3-day week now (though the work is still more or less the same), but you know, I really do wonder, with all the amount of time I have, how come I'm still so last-minute? Rushing off everything right before the deadline? What have I been spending (read: wasting) my time on?
Perhaps love is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort, it is there to keep you warm
And in those times of troble when you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home
Perhaps love is like a window, perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer, it wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself and don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through
Love to some is like a cloud to some as strong as steel
For some a way of living, for some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on and some say letting go
And some say love is everything, and some say they don't know
Perhaps love is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside, or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
And some say love is holding on and some say letting go
And some say love is everything, and some say they don't know
Perhaps love is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of change
Like a fire when it's cold outside, or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
Another song with sweet lyrics. I realize I've been posting quite a number of songs up lately. Oops!
Back to my probability homework. Sigh.
Weather has been very weird this week. Apparently, there was hailstorm yesterday. I missed it because I was indoors at that time and did not hear the rain outside. But really, hailstorm (and for that matter, snow) and it's only October?? And today, it was very very windy. We played tennis (in below-10 temperature..shows how much I've grown accustomed to the cold here) and it was really really hard to play with the crazy wind out there.
MU is doing so well now! They just beat Bolton 4-0 and Rooney scored a hat-trick! But the Steelers are doing so poorly. They just lost another game today and are now down to 2-5 for the season. Come on Steelers! Speaking of which, I have told myself that I must watch a Steeler game when I'm here, and also a music concert. Justin Timberlake is coming here in March!! I'm half thinking of going for it, but I'm waiting to see if there are any others coming here.
I'm very amused by the people who are doing all sort of things to tempt me and make me eat/drink all the stuff that I consider sinful. Haha. On Friday, on the way from booth meeting, Desmond and Aaron were trying their hardest to make me buy the cookies&cream drink from Entropy. The way they were describing and mimicking how nice the drink was was just hilarious. When that failed, they purposely walked to Craig Street instead of taking the shortcut so that we could walk past Starbucks and that somehow, I'll be tempted to buy hot chocolate. Hahaha. And then yesterday, Aaron and Mingwei tried to make me eat lots of Ruffles when we were watching movie. Ruffles is my favorite brand for chips, but I was very full yesterday, so didn't really eat a lot. But it was still funny. Mingwei poured out chips for himself, then he poured for me too, and decided that he must pour more for me. In the end, the two guys ended up eating more chips than me. Haha. And now, 2 friends have put food as their msn nicks! Ugh. That being said though, I know I can resist the temptation when I want to.
Anyway, I've been rather amused easily by random stuff (and probably amusing others along the way) I have no idea why. Haha.
Spring schedule is out and it's time to register for classes soon. I've more or less decided that I will probably only take 5, and have settled on 3 of them. I still haven't made up my mind on the other 2. One will be a psych course (and I have 2 or 3 choices), and the other will be a stats or econs course for my depth. This is what happens when you have so many possible combinations. Sigh.
I still have to decide whether I want to go to New York for Futures in Finance, which is basically interview for summer internships in New York. The thing is, the interview is on the day I'm supposed to go back. Argh. I think I should go for the interview, but I wanna go back (asap) too!
I just hate making decisions. I'm the sort who is really scared that I will make the wrong decision and that I will regret my decision. I know it's not a good way to look at it. I mean we can't be right all the time..we'll probably make a few mistakes along the way. But I just can't seem to let go if something goes wrong. Sometimes I wish I don't have to make that many decisions and that my life path has been decided for me. Then again, I don't think I'll be very happy if I have no freedom to choose, will I? Ah well.
I realize I am very fussy when it comes to the movies that I watch. Horror shows are a no-no for me because I don't see the point in making myself scared when I know that I'm the type of person who gets scared rather easily. My favorite genre is romantic comedies. I can't really explain why I like romantic comedies so much. I guess I just like the happy, sweet, fairytale, sometimes unrealistic endings such movies usually have. But recently, I have grown to also like movies that have bittersweet endings and movies that really tug at my heartstrings and make me cry. It seems that I've been on the verge of tears, if not cried, when watching movies lately. I wonder why.
Something that I read from a friend's blog:
The funny thing about human relationships is that we all react in different ways to different people, because we are essentially individuals with different thoughts, values, feelings and experiences. That streak of similarity you share with this friend may not be found on another, yet with the other, you share something else parallel.
That's kind of true, isn't it? Like how you can be close friends with two people, but you relate to each one differently. Or I guess to put it differently, the foundation of the friendship that you have with each one is different. It's like how you do certain stuff with one friend, and you do other stuff with another friend; say certain stuff to one and another to the other; and how you feel comfortable sharing something with one friend, and may not be totally comfortable sharing the same thing with the other. And I guess it's the same if you look at it from the other person's point of view.
Just finished my macro homework, so yay!! Now, only probability homework left, which I haven't started. It looks *quite* simple, and I hope it *will* be easier than the other homeworks.
I'm right now eating ice-cream! Yes, I have succumbed to temptation again. Isn't it weird to be eating ice-cream when the weather is so cold? And no, i'm not trying to be ONE with the environment, as someone may say haha, but strangely, eating ice-cream (like chocolate) has made me feel better.
I've really consumed a lot of sinful stuff recently. Ice-cream. LOTS of hot chocolate. Hot milo. Nachos with cheese (while watching the NBA pre-season game last night). Fries. And not forgetting peanut butter with honey! Arghh. Haha.
The NBA pre-season game last night was nice. There were 6 of us who went and we got quite good seats, corner seats but they were in front, so we had a pretty good view. Well, it was only a pre-season game, so I guess the excitement among the crowd wasn't really there. Cleveland Cavaliers vs Dallas Mavericks. It was supposed to be a home game for the Cavaliers, but the crowd was very muted, and only grew more vocal towards the end, when the Cavaliers were trailing. Final score: Cleveland 81 Dallas 83. Yay for the Mavericks! I actually wanted them to win cos well, they have been one of the NBA teams that I support over the past few years. Got to see the star players from each team, LeBron James (Cavaliers) and Dirk Nowitzki (Mavs), though I wish they could have played more. And we saw Ben Rothlisberger!! (Did I spell his name correctly??) He's like the most prominent Steeler. He actually walked past in front of us, but we realized it quite late, so didn't have time to take a picture of him. All in all, I had a good time. And now I feel like watching an NBA game live during the regular season. Haha.
And Las Vegas for Thanksgiving!
Gonna try to start doing my homework now before going for cell later.
Why must life be so complicated? It seems that we are always faced with our own problems, we complain, we hurt others with our words and actions, others hurt us the same way, and we can't really please everyone all the time. Or is it just me?
A friend told me just now how he felt very guilty that he tends to pick out flaws in others, yet he sees those same flaws in himself. I feel the same way too. I get irritated because other people are like this and that and all those negative stuff, but at the end of the day, I sometimes realize that I'm doing the very same things that they are doing. Isn't that called hypocrisy then?
I want to know why
I want to know why...
I never minded calling You a King
If that meant that I could count on You
To give me everything
I never thought to ask You
I always thought You knew
It was never my intention to question You
You never minded calling me a child
Well, I guess that's how I acted all the while
But You live through every tantrum
You see through every lie
Though they seem to be more common
I just wanted You to know why oh why
Unforgetful You, unforgetful
Unforgetful You, so unforgetful
You never minded giving us the stars
Then showing us how blind and unaware of You we are
You painted me a picture and showed me how to see
Though I just won't behold it
Unless it pertains to me
Unforgetful You, unforgetful
Unforgetful You, so unforgetful
I've been listening to quite a few Christian songs lately. I guess they give me a sense of peace and just listening to them makes me feel much better.
I've been feeling very -bah- these past few days, you know, very indifferent, unmotivated, tired. All that sort of stuff. The midsem break was good, but it wasn't really a good rest for me. Went down to Madison for mwg and the traveling itself was exhausting - 12 hours car ride there and back - though I slept through almost the entire journey. I fell sick, but recovered towards the end. Had a fantastic dim sum in Chicago. Besides mwg, didn't do anything much. Failed in my attempt to do homework, played bridge and had a good talk till sunrise. I think I'm still feeling the effects of sleeping at 6am twice, on the morning of leaving there and coming back. Ah well. Now, it's on to the second half of the semester...
The road trip somehow reminded me so much of last year. This time of the year last year, driving down to fallingwater and ohiopyle, the beautiful scenery that greeted us as fall set in, and not forgetting the cold weather coupled with the chilling wind. Chicago too reminded me so much of Thanksgiving as we drove past the landmarks that we had visited last year, and of course, dim sum at Chinatown, where I also saw the Penang restaurant. And then I realized that this time of the year signals the start of winter, as darkness seems to set in earlier (daylight savings ending soon), and it's going to be my second winter! October is almost ending and really, it feels too fast, too fast for my liking. A friend reminded me that I've been here for 1.5 years and I was frankly taken aback at how long I've been here, how long I've been in uni, and how fast everything has gone by.
It seems that each semester here has presented its own challenges to me. Last fall, it was the novelty of a university life, living in dorms with Americans, getting used to hearing - and speaking - the American accent, getting used to seeing all sorts of people, getting used to the cold weather, academics, homeworks coming thick and fast, struggling with homesickness. It was mostly about adapting and settling down.
The spring semester was mostly a test of perseverance for me. It was a classic case of too many things to do and too little time - 6 courses (including the dreaded programming), booth and exco stuff. Last sem really left me drained and I was really looking forward to everything being over so that I could finally go back home.
This sem, I think the big struggle I'm going through is, strangely, schoolwork. Or rather my inability to make up my mind on whether I should drop a course. Schoolwork is also tough as I face another difficult course in probability (the kind where you stare at a problem, think about it for a long long time and still cannot come up with something) and a course where I feel totally lost (accounting). I think schoolwork is made more stressful by the fact that this sem, I seem to be telling myself more that I must do very well, that I seem to be putting much more pressure on myself than the previous year.
It has also been a test of character, not so much in terms of perseverance I feel, but more so in terms of patience and forgiveness, in dealing with the people and things around you, grappling with words and actions that were said and done. I have discovered an ugly side of myself in the sense that I seem to get jealous and very irritated of others rather easily. Or maybe I was just too stressed. Either way, I think I've gotten into a bad mood and snap more easily more often than the previous year.
I have also struggled with my Christian walk. Discipline in doing my quiet time, discipline in going for cell group and church. And I'm still searching for a right balance. Like knowing what to do when you know you shouldn't be doing certain things, but the people around you are doing them; knowing where to draw the line between being nice/not hurting others, and not being a pushover. It's easy for me to say that it's harder to stick to my Christian values when I'm surrounded by pretty much non-Christians around me. But you know, I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I had more close Christian friends here.
Through it all, I have met and gotten to know many people here, formed lasting friendships and acquaintances. I am really very thankful for the friends that I have here, for simply being there when I need them, for giving me a much-needed listening ear to hear out all I have to say/complain (I think I really do complain quite a bit), for supporting me and giving me advice, for making me laugh, for cheering me up when I am down and for many other countless things. I really feel very blessed to have such people around me.
It's kind of scary to realize that I have gotten very much used to the life here, know everything inside out. Like not finding the weather as cold as last year. And more significantly, not getting homesick so far at all. It's kind of weird how I can treat a place so far away from home, home. But I think I'm starting to miss my family a little. My parents are traveling so much this week, visiting my uncle and my two brothers. How I wish they can visit me here too.
I guess sometimes, we just have to give and take, don't we? Life is all about trade-offs and no matter how much you want everything to go your way, you really have to make sacrifices sometimes.
And I shall end with another Jars of Clay song that I like (been really listening to Jars of Clay lately!).
LOVE SONG FOR A SAVIOR (Jars of Clay)
In open fields of wild flowers
She breathes the air and flies away
(She thanks her Jesus for) the daisies and the roses
In no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
And fall in His arms, and the tears will fall down and she'll pray
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
Sitting silent, wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
(A great salvation through) it calls to the people
Who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls
It seems too easy to call You Savior
Not close enough to call You God
(So as I sit and think of) words I can mention
To show my devotion
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
And fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
[3x]
Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel
Jesus, take the wheel. Take it from my hands. How often have I told myself that I'll be able to make it through on my own, forgetting that Jesus is always there to carry me if I fall, and time and again, I have always been reminded of His presence and of His guiding hand. Tears welled up in my eyes as I started thinking about how weak I am without Him and how much He has helped me, but that time and again, I have always disappointed Him and neglected Him. Like making up excuses not to do quiet time. Yet He is always there, waiting for the time I will finally be able to talk to Him. But if I don't spend time with Him, what use is there? Will it be too late before I finally talk to Him? And to just let go and trust everything in Him. Is it so hard to do?
I have had a pretty rough week. I realize that I have been putting up a strong facade all this while, pretending that I will get through things just fine, but inside I'm crumbling so badly. I have lost (a little) the will to fight and not give up, to perseve, to not be defeated (by temptation). I dare say that I have become more weary of life and I'm probably not as happy-go-lucky or carefree as I used to be.
I think I really need to sit down and reflect on what has been happening the past few weeks. There are so many thoughts running through my head which are just very overwhelming.
Jesus, take the wheel, take it from my hands, cos I can't do this on my own..
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
--Psalm 139:9-12
Speaking of religion, I find it interesting that other people tend to think of Christians as religious people, yet as a Christian, I don't really consider myself as religious. Maybe, like a friend said, to us Christians, we consider Christianity as a way of life and not just a religion.
I'm feeling much better than last week. I guess it's because I'm not feeling so stressed about schoolwork now that the workload is lighter. But sigh..I think I may not be doing so well in terms of grades and all. But..I shall not think too much about it now.
Anyway, went to grove city yesterday and I think retail therapy worked wonders for me, though I'm really feeling very guilty about what I bought yesterday. I bought 2 more jackets, so as of last count, I have like 13 jackets now!! And that's excluding down jackets and sweaters. Oh dear oh dear. There's still thanksgiving and black friday to come. Ugh..I better control my spending.
I'm really addicted to the cookies and cream drink from entropy! Don't know why. I've not been eating proper dinners on a few days and I've been eating quite sinful stuff. Which is so bad.
21370 midterm tomorrow! I think I better start studying for it soon. Or maybe now..
Anyway, finally watched Click last night, and I must say, it is one of the most meaningful movies I have ever watched. The movie really touched me and made me think about how I would want to live my life. Like focusing too much on one aspect of your life and neglecting the others. In the movie, the main character devoted so much time on his career that he neglected his family. Juggling between career and family is something that I may have to deal with later on, but right now, I guess I have to find the right balance between studies and everything else. I mean as a student, studies take the main priority, but I don't have to make my life revolve around it that I neglect spending time with God, family and friends.
Another message from the movie is that we should not rush with our lives too much, that we shouldn't "fast-forward" our lives too much, because if we rush, we are bound to miss little, but significant things in life. It's as if we don't get to experience our lives fully just because we're rushing around. Also, the main character only likes to fast-forward to the nice moments in his life, like getting promoted. He didn't want to experience the pain, tears, fights, arguments, irritation, frustration and all the negative aspects of life. I guess this is also another reason, from a Christian perspective, why we should let God take control of our lives. If we are always on autopilot mode and want to be in control of our lives, it is likely that we are going to lose control of our lives or abuse the control that we have. God lets us experience both joys and sorrows, laughter and tears, gains and losses, rewards and punishments to shape us and make us become better people in the process. We learn so much from the experiences that we get and I really can't imagine experiencing only happiness and joys without experiencing hurt, pain and other negative emotions.
Ultimately, Click is about a guy who wants to take control of his life so that he will only be able to experience the positives from his life. That's kindda predictable isn't it? That your life is only about good things. But I think the unpredictability of life, the fact that you can never be quite sure what you are going to get or what is going to happen next, is what makes life exciting and interesting.
A comedy with so many deep implications. Now I know why a few people have told me that Click is one of the best movies they have ever watched.
I guess my indecisiveness has been my main weakness. I can't believe I took so long to reach my decision and having made up my mind, I still wavered on it. I must learn to be more decisive and more confident in myself.
Anyway, during cell today, we sang this song:
God is so good
God is so good
God is so good
He's so good to me
Such a simple, yet meaningful song. Reinforces the fact that He is always there for me no matter what happens. Even if I fail badly, do something wrong, neglect Him or displease Him, He will never forsake me and He will still love me and forgive me. The song also somehow makes me think about all the complaining I have done recently. I guess if I take a step back and look at the big picture, I should actually be thankful rather than be dissatisfied and complain.
Well, I guess I'm more feeling peaceful now that I have dropped the course and don't have to fret whether I should drop the course. It has been a rollercoaster week and I really have no mood to study for accounting test tomorrow. Ah well.
Why do I always have to compare myself to other people when what is more important is just to give my best and trust in the Lord? Why do I bother so much about what other people are thinking of me and getting judged by other people when ultimately, I am going to be judged by God's standards and not by the world's standards?
Anyhow, the email has reminded me to always give thanks no matter what the circumstance is. Thank you =)
Anyway, speaking of courses, I have already made up my mind. Now, it is just a matter of having confidence in myself and not thinking too much about it. Cos the more I think about it, the more I'll just doubt whether I have made the right decision.
I have been eating lots of junk food recently! Oh dear. Watch the weight gain. Seriously. For dinner tonight, I had 1 slice of pizza, 1 packet of Ruffles chips (heh..Ruffles will not be ruffled..), 1 scoop of the oh-so-delicious-and-addictive ice cream, 1 cup of hot chocolate and 1 small apple. Heh. I think I have not been eating proper dinners on some days. And eating a lot more frequently throughout the day, but eating less each time. Hmm..I don't know if that's good or not. But I think eating more ice-cream and anything to do with chocolate recently has something to do with me getting more stressed. Ah well. Time to learn to resist the temptation!!
Nice and encouraging words never fail to brighten up my day, especially if I'm feeling really down. So thank you to those who have talked to me and given me words of encouragement and told me not to be so stressed out. I really appreciate all of that =)
I seem to have been eating a lot more recently. We bought ice-cream and I simply cannot resist the temptation to eat ice-cream. Plus Reese's peanut butter cookies too! Oh dear oh dear. And the weather is starting to get colder, which most likely means I'm goona be eating more. I think my face is getting rounder too. Argh. Stop eating so much!
Oh well. I realize my past few entries have been complaining about schooolwork, which is well, just depressing. So I'm gonna try to write about other stuff now, which is hopefully less depressing.
My brother scored an amazing 91 for his combined humans prelim! I'm really very proud of him. He is right now still deciding on which JC to go to and which subject combination to take. I remember going through all that 4 years ago. That seems like light years away. Well, you know how people always say it is better to plan early and have an idea of what you would want to do later on in life? I remember I had already thought of what I would want to do. But at such an age, who whould be able to know for sure? I have changed my mind a few times since then and even now, I'm still uncertain. Well, much more decided than last time in the sense that I know that I would want a career in finance, but if the going gets tough, if I don't understand what's going on in class, I still question myself whether I have made the right choice. Ah well. I guess you just have to have some confidence in yourself to a certain extent.
Went bowling yesterday and bowled 2 games. I haven't bowled for quite a while, so it took me some time to get used to bowling again. Something I discovered yesterday, which probably would not have been so surprising: I bowl and release the ball like I hit a forehand in tennis. I guess I have really been playing tennis a lot huh. My first game was pathetic, but my second game was much better..I almost doubled my score. And I had 2 strikes, which was a nice surprise.
MAF was last Friday and SSA bought mooncakes. I only ate like 1/8 slice of a mooncake though. Hwa Chong also had MAF and from what I have heard, it was good. Ah..how I wish I could be back and gone for MAF..
After that, we had a KTV session. Sort of. And we sang Chinese songs all the way. Of course, I didn't know most of the songs, so I didn't sing a lot. When I tried to "sing" the few Chinese songs that I know, I practically butchered the songs haha. Well, I guess it will take some time for me to learn all the words to a song. I really do miss ktv-ing. Singing with the crazy bunch of people haha. Oh well. I hope we can find a proper ktv place here and sing, for once, English songs!!
You know what I said a few weeks back about child psych being my favorite course? I take that back now. Discrete-time finance is now my favorite! Ok this may sound very geeky, but whatever. Haha. I love Hrusa and the way he teaches, which makes everything so much easier to understand. We are learning American options now and the reason why it is interesting is that the stuff we are learning now is quite practical. I told Hrusa last week that I'm interested in TA-ing 21270 next sem. And apparently I'm the 6th person to tell him so! And they only need 3 TAs for the course. Let's just see what happens.
Still thinking about whether I should drop child psych or not. The main reason is that I don't seem to have enough time and I seem to always be rushing around doing all the work. Not to mention that the workload (the midterms, homework deadlines) are insane insane insane! Oh well, I shall not dwell on that. I'm just gonna wait and pray and ask other people for advice.
Now that my mood seems to have improved slightly, I do hope that this week will be a much better, and less stressful, week.
So many emotions and thoughts bottled up inside of me. But there seems to be no way of letting it all out. Sometimes, I really do feel lonely..does anyone really understand how I feel deep inside?
I think I probably have hurt myself a lot this past week, just thinking too much about stuff and getting myself lost in my thoughts. My mind is just too distracted. Even during econs review just now, the only thing I was thinking about was whether I should drop child psych. Well, let's just say I'm barely coping with 6 courses. It has been a downward spiral ever since the thought of dropping the course entered my mind. On one hand, why bother taking the course if you are so unhappy and so stressed out by it? But I don't seem to have the guts to drop the course. I can't bring myself to just say "okay, I give up" and let it go. I feel uncomfortable backing out of something once I have started on it. This sucks and I think I'm really going insane and crazy because of this.
Words can't probably express how I feel right now. I feel really sorry for myself that I have gotten myself into such a depressing state. I'm really sorry to all those who have had to put up with my complaining and b**ching about this past week, with all the mood swings and becoming fiercer. I guess I really am stressed. And what I said this morning when I woke up was not very comforting. Just shows that I really am definitely almost out of my mind.
Sigh. I wish I can just say everything that is inside of me to someone. Anyone. Because keeping it all inside is just hurting me.
I hope this is just a temporary phase.
Ah well..maybe it's cos I'm just so drained after a long day today, which started at 8.30am and only ended at 7.30pm. Well..sort of. A midterm that went bad/okay (I dunno..), but just disappointed that the question I didn't manage to do is actually from the homework due this week, which I actually managed to do. And I did something stupid with the cheat sheet. Like forgetting that I actually had the cheat sheet with me and wasting time trying to recall formula! Ugh.
I think I must learn to sacrifice. There are just so many things to be done that I can't possibly do all of them. Of course, there is a difference between doing things that I need to do and doing things that I want to do.
I'm now left with 5 midterms, 1 paper and at least 3 homework before midsem break. Enough said..I don't want to think too much about it.
Sigh..I think I'm pretty stressed out right now. Thanks to all those who have talked and encouraged me..it has definitely made me feel better. But obviously, I won't feel much better unless I stop all this negative attitude. Ah well.