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Friday, May 30, 2003

Basketball Final
Watched the guyz and girls basketball final yesterday. It was so exciting. Was practically cheering and screaming and jumping up and down. Haha. Especially the guys' match. A come-from-behind win. How cool. And I thought nothing else could ever beat that water polo final, where HC also came from behind to win and that goalkeeper scored that fabulous goal. Haha. Oh well. Felt so happy for the basketball pple. Haha. Until today, I'm still on a high. Dunno why. Haha.

posted by vivien at 9:04 AM
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Wednesday, May 28, 2003

Tennis Dinner
Had sort of a party-like dinner at Pam's house on Saturday, with the tennis team. First impression when we all got to Pam's house was WOW. I mean, her house is like the biggest in the entire First Avenue. There's a swimming pool too near the gate. The house was just HUGE. We went immediately to the dining room area cos her father was jamming with his friends upstairs. We saw all those photos with all those important pple, quite cool leh i think. Had to wait for the other pple to come, by the time we started dinner, it was around 7.30+. But the food was nice. And we had chips, ice cream, brownies, jelly, etc etc. Then the seniors gave us this tennis PE shirt, apparently we can wear it for PE even though it's white because there's a Hwa Chong logo on the shirt (even though that logo must have been scaled down dunno how many times), which was quite cool. The design was nice. Heh, shall wear it for PE or training nxt time or something. After dinner, we decided to play the Number game. Justina mixed this disgusting stuff consisting of veggy, sambal, lemon, and a Pokki (is that how do u spell it or something) strawberry stick, as forfeit. Haha..turns out it was really karma cos she got the forfeit. It was really amusing to watch the look on her face. Then, we decided to sabo Deryne, for the second round. Deryne was suspicious, but anyway, we managed to sabo her. Haha. Which was really funny. Gave up after playing 2 rounds. Then Grace for some reason, decided she wanted to jump to the swimming pool. She should have known better than to tempt Gillian, who immediately carried her, with the help of Justina and Joanna i think, and flung her into the swimming pool. First casualty. Haha. We were all laughing at her silliness. After taking some pictures, next up to be thrown into the pool is Deryne. Apparently, we decided that was not enough, because we threw Flea and Jesley into the pool after that. Poor Pam was really busy getting them towels and all that. Strangely, her parents didn't mind us making a mess of the pool and all. Haha. After throwing all the seniors into the pool, we juniors were really scared cos the seniors really stayed very long in the pool, and we feared they were planning something for us. Turned out they were actually counting the votes for the exco thing. Then, they decided to announce the new exco near the swimming pool. We were a bit apprehensive at first, scared that they'd throw us into the pool or something, so we decided to get our bag and put on our shoes as well (it was quite late by then anyway). Captain is Pam, vice capt is Gillian. Haha..and the two of them are cousins, so the captain and vice capt are cousins for the second year running (deryne and flea are apparently related as cousins somehow). I managed to get the post of treasurer. To be honest, I was quite surprised. Secretary is Eliza. After that we kind of like cheered for the new exco and all. Then everyone went home. Haha. I must say, that was really fun.

posted by vivien at 8:43 AM
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Saturday, May 24, 2003

Tennis Season
Thought I'd give a low-down on my first ever tennis season.
NYJC 0 HCJC 5. Our first match was against Nanyang JC, and I played my first ever match. I played doubles and we won 9-1. We had a relatively easy match against NYJC.
HCJC 3 AJC 2. Anderson was one of the schools that were on par with us, and the match was really really close. The turning point of the match was definitely the first doubles. We were down 1-4, 2-5 before winning 6 straight games to lead 8-5 and eventually winning it 9-7.
HCJC 0 RJC 5. We were expecting to get trashed by RJ anyway. RJ, the defending champs, had quite a number of seeded players in their team, and they had the No.1 player. We were really trashed.
YJC 0 HCJC 5. Quite an easy match.
HCJC 1 VJC 4. This loss hurts the most. We needed to win VJ to get to the semis, after this loss, we couldn't. What hurts more is the fact that we were actually had quite a huge lead in two matches and just lost them in the end. And the home court advantage wasn't a factor as the VJ guys team came down to support the girls and we totally lost out to them in terms of cheering, at home ground.
JI 2 HCJC 3. OK. To be honest, we were expecting to trash them to make up for the loss to VJ. We totally had underestimated JI. We found out just before the match that AJC actually only beat them 3-2. We lost the first two singles and were down 0-2, but we managed to win the last 3 matches. The JI girls were quite difficult to handle, had trouble umpiring a match. And the weather was bad.

Overall, we won 4 and lost 2. I only played 1 match. The coach decided to change the line-up several times. Obviously, since I am quite lousy and I played very badly during training, I didn't get much chance to play. My doubles partner also fell sick during the last few games. We were very disappointed with the loss to VJ, but we the J1s have vowed to come back next year.

posted by vivien at 4:28 AM
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Mood
These past few days, over the past week, I've to admit, I've been quite moody. Stressed. Sad. Angry. Pissed. Frustrated. Exhausted and tired. All at the same time. There were not many happy moments for me. Let's just face it. Nothing seemed to be right for me. Clay's loss. Loss to VJ tennis. Pissed off by the incessant teasing from the class (I think sometimes, they've really gone overboard. A little bit of it is OK, but too much of it can really drive me nuts). Disagreements with mum. Lots of homework and tutorials yet to be completed. Reminder of Block Test. Hearing my brothers quarrel with my mum about playing computer games and chatting online. Even the weather hasn't been kind either. It just hasn't been a great week for me. To tell the truth, i don't think anyone has been able to fully understand what's going through. I don't feel like talking to anyone about it right now. Somehow, I prefer keeping all these things to myself. I've tried several times to forget all the stress, pressure, sadness, anger and instead, just try to be happy and enjoy life, but everytime i do that, i'll end up getting overwhelmed by all those stuff. I just feel like giving up on life. Sometimes, I just wonder what it'd be like to start a whole new life all over again. Sigh. Whatever. Sorry to all those who may have been pissed off by my continuous laments of Clay's loss. I know there are bigger things in life than american idol. And to those who may have been pissed off by the things i said or did. Sorry to those whom i've hit and punched and whatever i did because i felt like hitting something out of frustration at that moment. You can say i've been really stressed. Sigh. Whatever lah. To Bernice, thanks for the email. It certainly has kind of lifted up my spirits a little. Thanks for the concern, and you're right. One verse comes to mind. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Phil 4:13. Our favourite verse, remember? Hopefully, everything will turn out for the better in the coming weeks. And yes, I'll always believe in myself, believing that I can do everything, anything, through Christ. Real thanks once again, for that email.

posted by vivien at 3:48 AM
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Clay Lost
Sigh, I was so sad when I found out Clay lost to Ruben. I was actually hoping to watch the final episode without knowing who won beforehand, but a few of my classmates went to find out through the Internet and tell me. My initial reaction was "So what?" Yes, I was disappointed that Clay lost, but I thought maybe clay had lost cos he had performed badly or something. I mean, ruben was just as deserving as well. However, sadness set in when i watched the show. clay actually performed better than ruben. much better. i mean, that last song, bridge over troubled water, has got to be the performance of the entire season. even simon says clay could win with that performance. i felt more sad. so what happened? by right, clay should have won because he supposedly has a larger fanbase than ruben. but then, i found out that the producers had wanted ruben to win. even simon was biased towards ruben. it was quite unfair to clay i think. sigh. it took me quite long to get over clay's loss. until now, his loss still kinds of pains me, because to me, he is a winner. whatever lah. but i've kind of gotten over it. been trying to console myself with the fact that clay lost by the smallest of margins, and that both have a recording contract and will be releasing their first singles in june. still, what counts is the title, the coveted title of the american idol, and that belongs to ruben, not clay. no matter what happens though, clay will always be a winner to me.

Clay's loss also kind of reminded me of last year, when the twins were eliminated from the amazing race. Clay's loss took me about two days to get over. It took me 3 days to get over the twins' elimination last year. Haha. I think I'm really too obsessed with all these reality shows. Speaking of which, Amazing Race 4 is starting next Friday! Yeah! Amazing Race will always be my favourite reality show, and i guess it can compensate for American Idol and Survivor. Hopefully.

Just now, I was hoping to watch the final episode that I taped on thursday. I was certain I set the VCR to record at 10, but somehow, the thing just didn't record at all. I was quite angry lah. Obviously. So I could only watch the 8-9 part, which I had watched on thursday, and which, somehow, miraculously, i had managed to record. Whatever. Tomorrow, if i'm not wrong, channel 5 is going to show the repeat telecast. I'll tape it then. Hopefully, it'll turn out OK and i can watch it properly. And watch it over and over again.

posted by vivien at 3:22 AM
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Sunday, May 18, 2003

Back Home
My father came here this week. Sigh..I realise I'm not close to my father at all. Seldom see him. Even though my mum kind of like forces us to call back home every weekend, I don't really talk to my father at all. Our conversations will only be like him asking me whether everything here is all right, if I need anything from back home, about school and whether I can cope,and asking me not to sleep late and to take care of myself. Standard. And when my father comes here, the only thing that we'll do together as a family is probably to go out and have lunch. Although I'm happy he takes us out for lunch (cos the food is usually very nice, today, we went to Swensen's for lunch), I feel quite awkward. Apart from lunch and those phone calls and the occasional visits, I have zero contact with my father. Quite sad actually. This is different from my mother. My mum comes here like once a month, so I see her quite often. I'm definitely much closer to my mum than my father. However, it's a different story for my brothers. They are closer to my father than my mother, I think, even though they don't see him that often either. I think it's because my mum always scolds them for always playing computer games. Haha. But I really think it's sad that our family has become like this.

My father also brought me letters from a few friends back home, 2 to be exact, my primary schoolmates. One of them used to be my best friend back home. I've kept in touch with her till now, and my mum sees her at church back home. Sad to say, I've forgotten the other one. His name sounded familiar, and I vaguely remembered that he was plump, but other than that, I totally forgot how he looks like. I totally didn't expect his letter because i've never kept contact with him ever since I left. Haha..it's quite strange, but I shall try to reply his letter without knowing how he looks like. Again, another sad realisation struck me. Ever since I left for Singapore, I've only kept in touch with one primary school friend, she's the one I was talking about earlier. I've lost touch with the rest. I think some of them actually came here to study, but I'm not very sure. Sigh.. it's really sad. I must learn how to treasure my friends more. I guess at that time, I left quite abruptly. Noone knew about it, except for one friend. I left during the holidays. The rest were apparently quite shocked to find out I've left when school reopens. Still, there's no excuse for not keeping in touch with my old friends.

I really have to treasure the family and friends that I have more...

posted by vivien at 7:22 AM
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Saturday, May 17, 2003

Clay vs Ruben Showdown
In American Idol this week, Kimberley was eliminated, leaving Clay and Ruben as the final two. It was really hard deciding who should go out of the final 3, as everyone was equally good. Haha..Simon even suggested Ryan to go instead so that they can keep all the 3 contestants. But of course, that'll never happen in real life. I'm happy though, that Clay managed to get into the final 2, even though I must say his performance wasn't that good compared to previous week. He even forgot some of the lyrics to Vincent (which really reminds me of our own Vincent, especially since that song is about van gough). Anyway, earlier on, I had been predicting a Clay vs Ruben final, way before Kimberley made an impression in the finals. But even after Kimberley stepped up her performances, I still had this feeling that it's going to be Clay vs Ruben in final 2. I guess Kimberley wasn't as consistent as the rest and maybe her fan base is smaller than the other two's. Next week's final is really going to be exciting! It's even harder to predict who's going to win. I really hope Clay wins, but I actually would not mind who wins. Both can really sing, and that's what matters in the end.

posted by vivien at 9:39 AM
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Matrix Reloaded
Finally, I got to watch Matrix Reloaded. I mean, it just opened yesterday, but I have been waiting for like goodness how long to watch this movie. The movie is much better than the first one in terms of action and fights and stunts and all those. We were treated to a very exciting action scene at the freeway and also when Neo is fighting the Agent Smith-es. Haha. It was really cool. The first movie was just the introduction, so maybe I was still a little bit confused. This time, I was more familiar with the matrix stuff, but I was still left feeling confused and clueless after watching the second movie. I mean the dialogues are really confusing, like the words used just keep on repeating itself, so we really don't know what they're trying to say in the end. Then, there's quite a few new things. Sigh.. this is a really complex movie. But for all the action and entertainment, the ending really disappoints. I mean, I've read somewhere before that this is like a movie cut into half, so I was kind of prepared for sort of a cliffhanger ending. But really, when you get to the ending, you like sort of want to know what happens in the end, and it really ended quite abruptly. Then, we all decided to stick around for the credits just to catch the trailer at the end. Majority of the people at the cinema did anyway. But I didn't expect the credits to be that long, and the trailer was really short compared to the credits. Sigh..

posted by vivien at 9:30 AM
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Another Week
Huishan had an accident on Thursday during cheerleading. Her teeth had to be reattached back again. Ouch! I was totally freaked out by the accident. But that's not the only one. Apparently, someone from badminton club also got injured when the shuttlecock hit his eye. Really, nowadays, where are there so many freaky injuries? It kind of scares me. Like on Wednesday, during one of the matches again YJ, someone hit the shot, but instead, the ball hit her eye. She dropped her racket and her eye was bleeding. It was gross. We had to stop the match, for like at least around 10 minutes. We were all kind of scared at that time. The teacher was like asking one of the girls to go get a plaster from somewhere. Then after everything is settled, the teacher asked us if she can rally and stroke a little bit before continuing with the match. Now, this kind of angered us a bit because according to the rules, you are supposed to continue with the match. If you can't, then it'll be a walkover. I know this is kind of mean, but that's the rules. Anyway, the teacher continued asking and pleading, and in the end, we let her stroke a little bit. It doesn't matter though, because in the end HC won the match (we trashed YJ 5-0 that day). Haha..I know this is kind of mean. Oh well..

On a brighter note, another week has passed, along with all the assignments and tests and stuff. Thankfully, I've managed to survive the week! I'm now enjoying my weekend...

posted by vivien at 9:19 AM
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Sometimes...
Sometimes I really get pissed off by the class. Like don't know where to watch movie, what time they want to watch it, what to do, etc. Like yesterday, we were supposed to watch Matrix Reloaded, then they cancelled it at the last minute. Today, we also couldn't really decide where and what time to watch, ended up some people couldn't make it and we had to travel from PS back to West Mall. I sometimes find our class very indecisive, decide everything at the last minute. Sigh..maybe I am easily irritated nowadays. But when I think of all the class outings we've had, we would like not know what to do, then we'd get very sianz. On top of that, the attendance is also very low. Everyone knows about it, but it's just that very few people turn up. Sigh..sometimes when I go for class outings, I can't help but think that there'll almost certainly be very few people turning up, and the outings won't really be very fun to me anymore. I mean, a class outing is supposed to be a whole class outing, not only just a few people turning up. That won't be a class outing.

posted by vivien at 9:04 AM
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Flea
Sigh..looking at all the test and diagnostic test results, I feel so inferior and stupid in class. Like everyone else got so high. And this is only my class. If we take into consideration the whole school, I'd be like a tiny flea, so inferior and small that you can't even see it. Sigh..what am I talking about?

posted by vivien at 8:46 AM
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Tuesday, May 13, 2003

NAPFA Test
I had to retake my NAPFA test today. First time round, my standing broad jump got E. So, I must get a D to get silver, so as not to go for that extra lesson, or whatever it is. Well, mission accomplished, had a D, a rather pathetic 164cm, considering that I took 10 tries to jump a D. The thing is, I missed gold by 5 cm. I should have maybe tried for gold, but jumping 169cm will really kill me I think, don't know how many more times I have to jump to get that distance. Anyway, here is the rest of the results:
Sit-ups: 31, A. The first time, I only did 29, which was a B, so yeah..I'm happy with this..
Sit and Reach: 48cm, B. First time, I had 50cm which was A, but then my sit and reach has never been good..
Inclined Pull-up: 12, which was a B. First time, I did 9. This is my best so far (quite bad lah actually haha)
Shuttle Run: 11.5s, B, v slow. First time, I think I did 11.3. This time, i had to run in the hall, without my shoes. i seriously think that the distance in the basketball court is slightly shorter than the one in the hall. But oh well..
2.4km Run: 16.00min, a C. I'm really disappointed with this one the most, considering I started walking in the 3rd last round and practically walked almost half the last round. *sigh* Should have gotten at least a B, if not A.
Overall, this year is my best so far. Silver for me. But I should have gone for gold. Sigh. Quite disappointed, but also quite lazy to take again. Shall go for gold nxt year and make sure I get it. My record so far is 3 bronzes (all thanks to standing broad jump) and 2 silvers. So it'd be nice if nxt year, i have 1 gold. Haha.

posted by vivien at 11:09 AM
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Saturday, May 10, 2003

Feeling Better
I'm feeling much better now, after a nap in the afternoon. Wanted to mug, but ended up sleeping. Seriously, I'm turning into a pig these days. Eat a lot, sleep so much after eating. Haha. And I just realise that I've ended most of my recent entries with 'dot dot dot'. Haha. Oh well..

posted by vivien at 12:54 PM
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But I think the link to the guestbook is ugly, ah..but heck lah. At least I have the guestbook up. Haha.

posted by vivien at 4:02 AM
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Heh, what a piece of crap I just wrote. Seriously... anyway, yay! The guestbook is finally up! Thanks Shiping...

posted by vivien at 4:02 AM
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I really don't know why...
I know these last few entries have been mainly on soccer and tv. It's not that there's nothing much happening in my life. In fact, there's aplenty, but I don't know, whenever I go to the site, I don't really feel like writing anymore. I only oblige to writing soccer and tv. Is it because I don't want to tell others how I've been feeling? Maybe, I don't know, been bottling up my feelings inside these past few weeks, and not letting it all out. I know, it's not good to bottle up your own feelings and keeping all inside, but somehow I don't have this urge to tell others. I think it's mainly because I'm stressed. So much homework, tests, assignments, projects coming my way, that I don't even have time to really enjoy myself. And now, with tennis nationals and all, I'll have to spend more time on studies. I'm really stressed. I think I've been stressed since a few weeks' back. But somehow, I've just managed to exist during these past few weeks. I'm not living my life anymore, I'm merely existing. Thoughts of suicide have, more often than not, crossed my mind during these times. I know it's not good, I mean, to everyone, suicide is not a good thing to do. As a Christian, that is more so. We've been taught not to commit suicide, to just leave everything in His hands. But I've been unable to do that. I really don't know why.. I don't feel like telling anyone, I've just been keeping all these to myself, not even to my family or close friends. Why must life be like this? It's like a chore to complete, a routine that you don't have a choice but to carry out, day in day out it's just school, completing tutorials, studying for tests. I am exhausted and tired, sleep-deprived. Been sleeping late, and waking up earlier than usual, just to complete my homework. It's really killing me. Although I try to put on a happy self in school, inside I'm really kind of sinking, being pulled and weighed down by all the work and stress. I really feel inferior and stupid, a failure, when I see the others have done their tutorials, and they also have more sleep. And have time to watch TV, go online, etc. And they also don't really need to study to do so well in tests. Me? I'm such a failure. I really don't feel like carrying out this routine anymore, why must life be so rigid? Even watching American Idol on Thursdays has kind of become a routine, to keep me sane. I guess it's a question of priorities... I want to have equal work and play, but I guess, in JC, you can never achieve that, but I think I still can't accept that. I force myself to have equal work and play, to watch TV knowing that I still have a lot to do. What a mess. Maybe it's better to escape from this mess, leave everything behind, go overseas and start a whole new life there. But would I really want to do that? If I go to States, I would be leaving my friends behind, and I would be further from my family, totally alone there. *sigh* I really don't know...

posted by vivien at 4:01 AM
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American Idol Final 3
I was OK with Josh being voted off. I mean, he should have probably gone last week. Instead, last week, he was not even in the bottom 2, but Ruben was. I think last week's results definitely had an impact on this week's results. Because, if this week's results are based on the performances this week, Kimberley should probably have gone instead of Josh. But instead, it was Josh. I think it's because Josh's fans knew that he should have gone last week, so they did not really vote for him this week. Ah..but heck. At least Clay made it into the final 3. Haha. His performances in recent weeks have been excellent, he even did some hip-shakes in Grease. Haha. I was totally laughing during that performance, I think it's totally funny. But back to Josh again. I think I'll really miss him on the show. He has a certain personality, I dunno lah. Partly is because he's a marine. But you can tell that he's a really loving, caring person. I nearly cried when he sang for the last time. His wife, who was also crying, gave his baby girl to Josh when he was singing. I dunno..it was so touching. I really had tears in my eyes..

posted by vivien at 3:40 AM
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Winner
Haha..I noe this is like so outdated, but I gotta keep to my promise about updating soccer news here. MU has won the title. All thanks to Arsenal's 2-3 loss to Leeds. Yeah, man!!! I've always felt that MU deserves to win at least something this season, based on their performances. MU has definitely earned their EPL title. No matter what THAT Arsene Wenger said. MU has beaten all the top sides this season, their losses are to mediocre or bottom sides, including one to their neighbour. Haha. But yeah, I am happy that MU has at least won a title this season, although I was hoping that they'd win the Champions League too. Oh well.. you can't have everything in life. But what really irritates me is Wenger's insistent claims that Arsenal is still the best side in England. C'mon..MU has beaten Arsenal in the EPL, gone further in Champions League and even in the League Cup, whereas Arsenal has only performed better in the FA Cup, which is lesser in comparison to the Champions League and the EPL. Haha... real sore loser..

posted by vivien at 3:32 AM
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Saturday, May 03, 2003

YEAH!!!
Man U 4 Charlton 1. Wat more can I say? MU seems to be getting better and better every time. Chances of them winning the title are getting higher and higher. And Ruud is definitely on form now. Haha..go Ruud!!! He's one of my favourite United players. I just hope MU doesnt sell Ryan Giggs and Beckham. That'd be bad..

posted by vivien at 11:11 AM
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Friday, May 02, 2003

I have NO idea how to link my guestbook to my blog. Can someone please help? I know practically nought about HTML language...

posted by vivien at 11:33 AM
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Fear
Today was one of those 'sian' days. Dunno why I've got this feeling inside me I can't really describe. Like this feeling of emptiness, feeling that something bad may happen, I don't know. My mum was supposed to go back to Indonesia. Usually, I'd feel slightly happy. After all, she goes back equates more freedom for me. But this time, I felt quite strange, I actually didn't want her to go back, like something inside fearing something might happen to her. Dunno why. I'm like scared I'm going to miss her or something. Sounds real weird. Haha. Then, afterwards, during tennis training, we had to do a survey on like all the team members, their attitude etc, to decide who gets into the team. There're currently 13 pple, but only 11 can go into the nationals, so the 2 pple who get the lowest for the survey will most likely not play in the nationals. I had a real bad feeling about this. Turns out I got 3rd lowest score. The person that got the lowest in the whole thing confirmed will not play. But the captain was still deciding on the other person to sort of leave the team. Apparently, the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th lowest (tie for 5th lowest) scores were quite close. So, I'm quite scared. Hopefully, I get into the team, cos I really want to play. Argh!!! Trying my best to be cheerful now. Thought I'd watch last night episode of American Idol that I recorded, but in the end ended up watching Survivor. Why is dat Rob still on the show? The person I like best, Christy, got voted off tonight all cos of dat Rob. Argh!!! Must be happy...

posted by vivien at 11:32 AM
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