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Thursday, March 30, 2006

Thursday night blues has returned..somehow I'm at my most depressed on Thursday nights. But strangely, I'm feeling much better now. Thanks Desmond for the encouragement! It really meant a lot to me :)
Okay back to work haha.

When things are going bad, just remember that there is always someone who is going through worse things than what you are going through.

posted by vivien at 11:34 PM
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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

My math finance prof mentioned orthonormal basis during class today. And I'm now doing oscillations and damping for DE. History lesson has recently become more like an econs lesson, with talk of capitalism, terms of trade, trade deficit, etc. I guess I'm just amazed at how everything is linked together haha. I don't know..this sem has passed by so quickly that it just occured to me..have I really learned anything? Sure, I actually like some of the stuff we're doing now, but this sem to me has been more about surviving, about doing just enough to get an A, and not really about trying to understand what I'm learning. Or has it always been like this?

Anyways, went for cell yesterday after a long while of not going to cell haha. And found out quite a few people are actually going to live on the same floor as me in Fairfax next sem. I enjoyed cell yesterday..I really miss having a cell! I need self-discipline to remind myself to go for cell every week. No more excuses haha. And once again, I'm just amazed at His timing. At how I seem to be reading words that I really need to read/hear at that point in time.

I am reaching for the highest goal
That I might receive the prize
Pressing onward, pushing every hindrance aside
Out of my way
Cos I want to know You more

I want to know You
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more
I want to touch You
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more

posted by vivien at 7:06 PM
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Sunday, March 26, 2006




The guys and girls on my floor. These photos were like taken on the first day of freshman orientation, which was like 7 months ago. That means I've been here for 7 months. So fast huh.

Anyway, I realize that the way I play ping pong is like the way I play tennis. As in same way of holding the racket/bat, same way of hitting the ball, and so on. mw pointed that out to me on friday when we played ping pong. They certainly had fun imitating "it's cool" :/ but I must admit it was really really hilarious haha. Couldn't help laughing a lot.

Why am I feeling so slack?? Like no motivation to do work at all. Sigh.

posted by vivien at 5:48 PM
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Just came back from church. My friend, Bonny, got baptised today, which sort of reminded me of the time I got baptised. To me, baptism is just a public declaration that you're dedicating your life to Christ. It's been 1.5 years since. The question is, have I been living my life the way I know I should, living my life for Him?

posted by vivien at 5:30 PM
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I did ZERO work today. Bleah..feeling guilty about it haha. Just couldn't get myself to do work la. Actually, I think I don't really have much work to do (compared to other weeks), but it's the psych research that's quite worrying. Oh well. Must catch up quite a bit. I've just survived 3 midterms this week..hopefully I did ok on all of them. No more midterms for 2 weeks, which is good. I've just had 5 midterms over the last 2 weeks of school, but hmm.. no midterms = homework, cos they normally don't give homework during midterms. Oh well whatever.

I think I'm addicted to playing poker! Well maybe not exactly addicted, but I definitely like playing poker! Haha though I always get lousy hands bleah. And some people just get good hands haha.

Got back my history midterm yesterday. And the marking was ridiculously lenient. I'm not sure if that's how they mark humans papers here, but seriously. It was so so lenient I couldn't believe it, but I'm not complaining haha. And I think I just attempted to speak with a slight American accent during my history recitation yesterday. Ugh must have sounded terrible.

Had ARCC night market yesterday. SSA sold roti prata! But I didn't get to eat it. I miss eating roti prata! Haha I think the roti prata that we sold yesterday turned out quite nice. And the curry is just good! Made from Yeo's haha (I didn't know Yeo's sells curry).

I just found out that the cheapest US Open ticket is $75 per person! That's like so ex la! But I still want to watch. Maybe I'll just go and watch despite the price. I mean I won't really get the chance to watch tennis matches live, especially grand slam matches.

And the weather here sucks sucks sucks. I know I keep on complaining about the weather, but I really want sun! It's almost April and it's still snowing! Where is the sun?

I also found out that daylight savings is gonna begin next saturday. So fast huh. Which technically means that winter is supposed to be over and it's supposed to be spring (but it's not in pittsburgh..). And daylight savings starting again would mean that i'll have to get up 1 hr earlier for my classes. Hmm..not good considering that i've overslept quite a few times this sem haha.

This post is getting more random than ever. Shall go sleep now. zzz...

posted by vivien at 2:40 AM
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Thursday, March 23, 2006

I've decided to skip my DE recitation today, so no classes for today! But I've to do a lot of work on my own. Like studying for 2 midterms tomorrow, finishing my comp finance application and reading history book. Speaking of the application, I really hate selling myself! Putting all your achievements in your resume and writing an application essay. Bleah. How're you supposed to mention that you're interested in programming when you're actually struggling in it, and maybe, rather intimidated by programming assignments also? Sigh.

Hmm..my friends have told me that I don't look like I'm from mg and hc. Well, I admit I don't look hwa chong cos I think I look quite "english". But mg also? They think I look more like I'm from st. nicks and vj. Really meh??

Overslept again today haha. What's new? I didn't even hear my alarm clock rang! Feeling lazy to get started on work today bleah. This is bad haha.

"Garlic don't eat vampire". Hahaha. That line just crossed my mind again. Okay, better get going now.

posted by vivien at 11:00 AM
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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Jessica, my dear roomie, wrote this poem for me:

the papers are sky high
you heave a depressing sigh
but don't you fret my friend
i'll be there for you till the end

there is just so much to do!
everything seems to be against you!
but cheer up girl,
the pluses far outweigh the minuses in this world

and should life ever turn more stormy
don't you ever forget you do have a roomie
at times she may be a fool, at others a goon,
but she is after all ms jessica oon!

Hahaha. Thanks a lot girl! You've made my day.


posted by vivien at 9:26 PM
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Seriously..what's wrong with me? I think I'm really really stressed and going crazy. I should stop saying sorry and feeling guilty and all that and actually do something about it.

posted by vivien at 4:51 PM
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My brain is filled with real/complex/repeated eigenvalues, eigenvectors, node, saddle point, spiral source & sink, unstable, asymptotically stable and what not. Haha..overload of information cos you skipped a few lectures and didn't bother to catch up on the stuff that you missed like just before the midterm.

Anyway, for my psych freshie sem..
Good news: No more classes until final presentations! That means for now, I've no class at all on Tuesday and only 1 class on Thursday (1030 DE recitation..I'm tempted to skip it too haha)!
Bad news: My final presentation will be on May 4 and my (15-page) final paper is due on May 12. Which means I've only about 4 weeks to do my research and stuff. Considering that I still have homework/midterms for other courses, and also booth coming up, that doesn't seem like a lot of time. Ugh.

Off to do my comp finance application (writing an essay and resume..more ugh) , and then to study for DE midterm tomorrow.

You are my shield, my strength, my portion, deliverer
My shelter, strong tower, my very present help in time of need

posted by vivien at 3:45 PM
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Monday, March 20, 2006

I'm stressed, pissed, agitated, irritated, etc etc. You know what I mean. What a way to start school again! Sigh.

I know I should take things easy. But right now it just doesn't look good. It seems so difficult to hang on and survive the sem.

posted by vivien at 10:14 PM
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Friday, March 17, 2006







































Was quite bored doing work just now, and I happened to see the sunset from the window, and it's just so beautiful! Decided that I must really take a picture of it haha.

This is another sunset, taken on Valentine's Day:
















Really really gonna miss the view from my room when I move out at the end of sem.

posted by vivien at 10:28 PM
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And before I know it, it's already Friday and spring break is almost over. Only 3 days left before school starts again. Argh so fast so fast! I want more holidays! More days like these when I don't have to go to school (but sadly, still have to do work sigh). It wasn't much of a break really - just slacking for a few days before starting work again. I think I feel somewhat rested though (at least there're no classes), but I just know that it's the calm before the storm, before the endless work and tests start again, before the cycle repeats itself, before I find myself under immense stress and pressure (partly cos of my own fault), and it'll be 8 weeks of finding that inner strength and perseverance within myself, encouraging myself and telling myself to hold on, in the hope that I'll be able to survive the rest of the sem. Hardly an encouraging thought huh. But really, I guess that's what this sem has all been about. Catching up, keeping up and persevering, holding on against the trials that life seems to bring almost every day. As it is, I've hardly done what I'm supposed to have done over the break. Well, how can I bring myself to do much work during the break, when really, all I need is a really really long break, to get away from everything, and not just a few days of respite? But no matter how sucky and difficult life can get, I must not forget Him, who's always there for me no matter what. And it really pains me that I've been more of a sinner, backsliding more, turning my back away from Him more, and yet He's always there. "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

Anyway, I just realize that my freshman year is almost over. Only half a sem more to go! Where has all this year gone to? It's really so fast huh. Unbelievably fast. Which sometimes made me wish time would just stop, cos it's just passing by too quickly (and I don't like it).

Have played tennis twice this week. I really miss playing tennis and it just felt so good to play again. At least it's a more enjoyable form of exercise haha. And Jessica and I are addicted to the msn solitaire. Which is very very bad, cos it's really addictive and we must really consciously tell ourselves to stop playing, or else we'll never stop playing haha. And we played ping pong again yesterday too, both of us. Which really reminded me of the 4 hours we spent playing ping pong on Sunday haha. And somehow, I just remembered the 2 of us playing against xinghao and mingwei (and obviously we were getting thrashed). And the 2 guys were nice to let us win 19 points. In fact, they were like preventing each other from hitting the ball so that we could win the points (like xinghao pushing mingwei away and mingwei turning around when it was his turn haha). It was really really funny and 2 of us couldn't stop laughing. And I must say we're both touched by what they did.

Just talked to Huiling online, and she just came back from Jason Mraz concert! And she also went for Oasis concert some time ago. Unfair unfair! I also want to go to concerts too haha. The irony is that I'm here, the place where most of the music acts are from, and, maybe it's just me, but I don't seem to know of anyone coming over to have a concert. Haha. But then again, I'm so out of touch with the entertainment scene. Basically, no time. That basically sums up what my life here has been about haha. Oh well.

And I received a little email from my brother too. Well it was actually very short, but what he wrote was just so so funny, it made me laugh and nearly cry too. I don't know if you'll read this, but yeah, I miss you a lot haha.

It's only about 3.5 months left before I'll be going back. Seems like a long time, but I know that before long, it'll come soon enough. I think I've definitely handled my homesickness much better than last sem. But I definitely still miss home and all its familiary and comforts. And my family and friends too! And I don't know why, maybe we've been eating out everyday and basically eating chinese food almost everyday, but I'm craving for singapore & indo food a lot more now! Kerupuk, terang bulan, sambal goreng tempe, carrot cake, oysters, chicken rice, roti prata, tahu telor, mpek mpek, soto, rawon, nasi uduk (or nasi lemak as they say it in sg), crystal jade's roast duck haha, wanton mee, rojak, gado gado, the food from the nice seafood restaurant nearby my house in jakarta, and many many more! Okay shall stop myself now haha.

Oh well..better get going already. Work work work! So much work left to do. Oh well.

posted by vivien at 12:45 PM
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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

The "Vivien's Dictionary" is growing steadily. Haha. I can't believe my knack for mispronouncing words at such impeccable timing! Oh well.

Only half of spring break left. And haven't done much work. Argh! 3 midterms next week ugh. Programming is seriously driving me nuts. Luckily I didn't do too badly for midterm. Well, considering the amount of questions I did, it was already quite good.

After a high of 25 degrees yesterday, it's back to snowing again today. Seriously, save me from this crazy weather!

posted by vivien at 11:58 PM
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FRIENDS (Michael W. Smith)

Packing up the dreams
God planted
In the fertile soil of you
I can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through

We'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends

With the faith and love that God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you'll live in
Is the strength that now you show

But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends

posted by vivien at 11:54 PM
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Monday, March 13, 2006

Spring break is finally here! Well..not really doing anything special for spring break..just bumming around and slacking for a few days here in Pitts, before starting work again (sigh). Okay..shall not think about work for the moment. Been enjoying myself, sort of, for the past 3 days. I can finally relax and not feel guilty about it! Played bridge and bang (with 8 pple haha) on thursday night till like 5am. Went to Monroeville on Friday..the Kaufmann's there had up to 80% clearance sale! The jeans had 60% discount.. DKNY and Levi's jeans went from like 40+ bucks to 16 bucks! Haha cheap right? Bought myself a pair of jeans. Well everything else was cheap too, but I had to restrain myself and not buy much stuff. Had prefab on Saturday, went to Waterfront and watched Serendipity after that. And today, played ping pong for 4 hours (qt fun haha) and watched Brokeback Mountain. Nothing much really, but it's the company that counts I guess. My body clock is getting a bit messed up though. I've been sleeping so much and waking up so late! And I overslept and missed church again. Argh...feel so guilty! Feel like I'm drifting away.. Need to do something about it hmm, and not just say it but actually do it. Oh well.

Just listened to this song, and I guess the song carries a much deeper meaning now compared to a few years ago when I heard the song for the first time.

I'M NOT A GIRL, NOT YET A WOMAN (Britney Spears)

I used to think
I had the answers to everything
But now I know
That life doesn't always go my way, yeah
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize


I'm not a girl, not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl


There is no need to protect me
It's time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own, oh
I've seen so much more than you know now
So don't tell me to shut my eyes


I'm not a girl, not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl


But if you look at me closely
You will see it in my eyes
This girl will always find her way


(I'm not a girl) I'm not a girl, don't tell me what to believe
(Not yet a woman) I'm just trying to find the woman in me, yeah
(All I need is time) Oh, all I need is time
That's mine, while I'm in between


I'm not a girl, not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between


I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman

I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. I guess that describes the phase I'm in perfectly. Especially since I'm gonna be out of my teens soon :( I don't wanna grow up! I don't wanna face up to the cold realities of the world. I wish I can just stay young, innocent and carefree, being childish without feeling guilty about it, and lead a simple and uncomplicated life. But I guess I'm forced to grow up, to mature, be independent and responsible, to make your own decisions and learn the consequences of your actions/decisions, and to stand up on your own feet. Scary how time passes so quickly huh? Like almost 20 years of your life gone by just like that. The thought of being an adult kindda scares me. Oh well. No use looking back and wish that you were still a child again..you know that's impossible. Might as well look forward and enjoy what's left of my teenage year.

It's already almost 4.30am and I really should sleep. Gotta go to travel agent to book my flight back in summer!

posted by vivien at 4:03 AM
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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I think these tough times have, unfortunately, brought out the uglier side of me. I've no doubt become more selfish, interested only in things that will bring benefits to myself. Apologies to those around me if you all feel that I've somewhat become more self-centered.

Outlook for the next 2 days: 2 midterms and 1 homework due tomorrow (studying barely started and homework 3/4 done), and 2 homework and presentation on Thursday (barely started my research for presentation. as for the homework, did half of one and haven't started for the other one). I've resorted to being last-minute again, as usual. When will I ever learn my lesson? Granted, I actually did some work over the weekend, but I could've and should've been more disciplined. Oh well, no use regretting over what's done and past. I'll just do my best and if I do get disappointed, then I'll have only myself to blame.

Can't wait for Thursday..this week seems to pass by so slowly! To everyone else, hang on! Spring break beckons! Meanwhile, I'll get back to doing work again. I know I can survive and I will survive! (err..hopefully).

posted by vivien at 12:31 AM
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Sunday, March 05, 2006

Last week of school before spring break starts! Very looking forward to some much-needed break. It's been a tough sem for me and I'm just amazed that I've so far survived it, albeit very barely. But before that, I've to face a pretty tough ride. 2 midterms on wednesday (programming and history), psych presentation on thurs, matrix hwk due wed, programming and DE hwk due thurs. Tough last 2 days huh. What a way to end the first half of the sem! Pretty much sums up what's been happening so far. So much work, so little time. It feels like i've no life here at all :( Oh well.

Surprisingly, I'm not feeling so stressed now (thanks mum for the praying and encouraging). I know I should be doing work (but maybe I'm just lazy to haha..wait till next week then I'll be stressed all over again). But I'm feeling tired. Physically tired. I can feel my right arm aching from carrying OSBs for booth just now. Wonder if I can even hold a pen tomorrow haha.

Anyway, I had my second experience being locked out of my room. And this time, at 3.30am!! I went to the bathroom and came back finding the door locked, even though I had left it half-open when I left (it was shut closed by the wind bleah). And my roommate was sleeping. So I tried knocking on the door and calling her hp (finding her hp number through facebook no less cos I forget her hp no. haha), but it didn't wake her up (I stupidly forgot to call our room phone). In the end, I went to call campus police haha. Can you imagine the police answering the phone and hearing a girl getting locked out of her room at 3.30am? Haha in the end somoene came and opened the door for me, and I could finally sleep.

'A' level results were out this week. And to me, it just shows more clearly how time flies by so quickly, it kindda scares me. I can still remember me getting back results last year..the sense of anticipation and all that. And then I realized that it's been almost 1.5 years since I took A levels. And that I'm already finishing my education..only uni left. So fast so fast! I can't believe I'm all grown up! And seriously..it's already 3 months into the new year! And I was just telling jessica that this year's christmas is still 9 months away, but it feels like it's coming soon enough. I mean, it seems not too long ago that I was back home spending christmas and new year. But yeah, everyone's birthdays are coming and everyone is slowly turning 20 one by one (and the guys are turning 22). Can't believe I'm so old already!!

I feel I'm getting lazier and lazier by the day. Nowadays, whenever my alarm clock rings, I'll simply just turn it off and go back to sleep again. And I oversleep a lot. Last sem, I couldn't go back to sleep once my alarm clock rang haha. Oh well.

I want spring to come badly! I can't stand the cold anymore. I want sun!! And I think the air-con in our room just broke down. It's just blasting hot air now. So we had to turn the air-con off and open the window instead. Which can be a bad idea cos when the wind blows, it gets cold inside. Oh well. And xinghao's riddle qn is bugging me. So close to the answer, yet so far! Okay, better get back to finishing my history reading. Supposed to finish 4 chaps today, and I'm only at Chap 1/2 haha. And it's already 1am. Well-done vivien!

posted by vivien at 12:42 AM
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