That aside, I'm left with tons of homework to do. Did programming the entire day yesterday and managed to finish the assignment (8 hrs of programming!!). Basically, I'm left with a lot of catch-up to do and many many readings (sianz). Especially for history. Bleah. Shall not complain. I know that if I'm serious about doing work, I can really really sit down and concentrate haha. So, for this week, I hope I'll be able to manage my time well and clear up as much work as possible. And also sleep more. I've been sleeping for 4 hours only last week, so I'm feeling more tired now if I sleep more haha.
Anyway, there've just been so many emotions and so many thoughts that ran through my head these past few days. Can't really describe what I'm feeling also cos well, I don't really know. Maybe I'm feeling jaded and all, but don't really know why either. I guess maybe I'm really stressed, bogged down by a lot of stuff and all. But I don't think it's just that. There's something else, which I really really can't describe. Maybe I've become more pensive and thought deeper on a lot of stuff? Maybe I'm starting to feel that bout of homesickness again? I don't know.
It feels weird to spend cny being away from my family. Well, this year, my parents decided that they (along with my brothers) should go to my grandparents' house for cny. We live in Jakarta, and my relatives are mostly in Surabaya (for my dad's side) and Malang (for my mum's side), so cny reunions are usually spent with my parents and brothers alone. But this year, they spent it with other relatives and all, and I missed out on it. I don't usually see my relatives that often cos well..they're just in different places, but being so far away from home made me realize that I'm going to see them even less. Hearing my friends' stories about having reunion with all their relatives just made me more sad. Cos well.. I can't really recall having a cny reunion with my relatives. I guess you can say that it's not the timing that's important, but what's more important is that you can still gather together as one big family. Well I mean I still have family reunions and all, just maybe not during cny, but still, being here means that I'll probably miss a few family gatherings. I know that I'm already going to miss my cousin's wedding in June.
Just now during lunch, I saw a few kids having lunch with their dad. And just looking at them laughing and enjoying themselves somehow brought tears to my eyes. I know it's kind of weird, but looking at them somehow made me want to be a child all over again. I guess I really miss childhood, the innocence and carefree-ness of it all. It's funny how when I was a child, I used to want to grow up really fast, to get out of school (cos I didn't really like studying haha) so that I can work and don't have to study anymore. Looking back, all that seems rather silly now. It was as if I had nothing much to worry about, except for school probably. But now that I'm all grown up, it feels different. Not that I don't like to be grown-up, but it's just so difficult to be a grown-up. So many responsibilities, so many things to think about and to do, so many tricky situations to handle, etc etc. And I guess I've realized the world is not what I used to make it out to be. And I guess I'm scared of the big world out there. And of growing up and being an adult. It's just too fast. I don't want it. But it's inevitable.