It is so easy to lose in touch with people if you don't make the effort to keep in contact with them. I don't want to lose the close friends I have now. Must really make sure that I update my friends frequently and also keep in touch with them, despite being busy and all.
On another note, I've a sudden thirst for traveling now. An eagerness to explore new places, take in unfamiliar sights and sounds, experience a different life. Perhaps talking to my brother last week and discussing about travel plans has something to do with it. Europe is definitely the place I want to go to. But applying for visa is just so troublesome. That, or perhaps a road trip across the States. Or even going to California again. Whatever it is, I hope I'll be able to travel more this year.
I've been thinking a lot about my future and what to do with my life lately. It's kindda scary that I've to start thinking about such things now, things that you didn't really have to think about before. When I was in MG, it was mostly about which JC I'd want to go to and the subject combi to take. Then, when I was in HC, it was about which uni to go to and my major. Now, what's on my mind is mostly doing 3 or 4 years, what to do after graduation (MBA straight or work first), where to settle down, etc. I hate making decisions; I'm scared of making them actually, scared that I'd be making the wrong decisions and regret them later on. I guess when it comes to such things, I just have to have faith in myself and believe that I'm making the best decision possible. I always believe that money is not everything - it certainly doesn't bring you happiness - and I don't really want to be too caught up in material wealth and all. But despite that, I guess deep down, I still do care about material wealth to a certain extent. I've to admit that money does make things a lot easier and gives you an advantage. I realize that I'm a pretty materialistic person - minimum income to achieve, dream car, etc. There as a point in time I just wanted to marry a rich guy and be a tai tai the rest of my life, enjoying my life without having to work a single cent. Haha. I'd probably be happy for a while, but not for long, and that is certainly not a fulfilling life. I know a few friends who plan to be involved in humanitarian work because I guess that's what they probably find meaningful, but I'm not that sort of person. I think I see myself more as a career woman, climbing the corporate ladder and earning a decent income (see..money again). But would I get sick of all the rat race, backstabbing and office politics? I don't know..(I think I sound very confused now haha). I know I'd also like to settle down and have a family. Maybe that'd make my life more meaningful, bringing up your children, teaching them the right values, maybe saving up for their education, and just ensuring that they grow up the right way. I would like to have a happy and fulfilling life, but I think it's really hard to strike a balance between the two. Or is it not? Ah well.
I've started reading My Life as a Quant. Only the first chapter though. But I've been fascinated by what I read so far. The book is about the life of Emanuel Derman, a famous quant (someone who does financial engineering or quantitative finance). He used to be a physicist before he decided to switch to Wall Street and become a quant. It is really interesting to read about how finance has resembled physics now, in a certain way, as financial models (like those used to determine options pricing) become more relevant. And yes..I did come across familiar terms, like call options, derivative security and Black-Scholes model (though I didn't actually learn it..will probably learn it next sem). Guess I'll find out more as I read along.
I realize that I now have 3 good Christian books to read - The Case For Christ, Big Girls Don't Whine and Traveling Light. I still have other books to read too - Fever Pitch and Tuesdays With Morrie. And there're also other books that I hope I'll be able to read, like the Christian books I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl, Nicholas Sparks' True Believer and (if I do have the mood to read the other book my advisor recommended) When Genius Failed. So many books to read, so little time! It's kindda strange really cos when I'm at home and don't really have anything to do, I don't feel like reading even though I know I should read. I just feel like slacking around and doing nothing, which really gets me bored. Then I'd feel that I should go out and not be bored at home. But after going out too much, I'd just be tired and feel that I should stay at home to rest. And then I'd get bored again. Haha. Oh well.
Summer holidays have really passed by quickly. I've spent about 3.5 weeks back home now, and it's slightly less than 4 weeks before I go back. Overall, I think I've had a fantastic summer. Summer school was pretty okay and fun and slack in a way. Of course, being back has been great. It's just nice to see everyone again, and to be in a familiar environment (even though it feels rather unfamiliar at times too). I guess this summer has been a time of learning (literally..all that philo stuff haha), but more importantly, I've learned a lot about myself. I mean this summer hasn't exactly been that rosy. The last week of summer school and just before coming back here was really terrible. All that homesickness and I actually broke down. There were also other things which had happened that made me question why they had happened or why me. Through it all, I've always held on to the belief that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps only later on will everything becomes clear and I'll understand the reasons why. I definitely believe that I've become stronger as a person, and perhaps more independent, as a result of such experiences. At times, I've in fact been surprised at the way I handle things, the ability to bounce back, to move on with life and not look back. Or rather..how quickly I move on with life. Something I didn't know that I had in me.
It's sort of amazing how much a person, or maybe the environment you are used to, can change in such a short period of time. Some changes are more obvious, some are less noticeable. Somehow, I always believe that it's the little changes, those not-so-obvious ones, those that you can't really pinpoint but know they're there, that probably affect my life more.
Oh well. Been thinking quite a bit these days. Gotta rush off for dinner now.