Anyway, life has been tough, in general I guess. I'm barely hanging on mentally, and I find myself not getting enough sleep nowadays too, so it has just been a very tiring past couple of weeks. I'm really looking forward to spring break (and not really looking forward to next week, but what to do?). I've been really busy with schoolwork. I'm totally lost in my math finance course (stochastic integration? Ito's formula? quadratic variation?) and I'm going to have the midterm next week. I'm also barely keeping up with the readings for my econs class and the midterm next week is going to be based on the readings only. So far, 1 out of 7 readings done. I can go on about my other courses, but I won't (actually, the rest are pretty okay haha).
Being a TA has been a rather testing experience too. I guess I still have confidence issues and sometimes, the things the students say aren't very nice. I remember one time I almost cried during office hours out of sheer frustration and the things that were said were pretty hurtful. But I take it all as a learning experience and hopefully, it will get better.
Valentine's Day last week and the one memory that sticks out from anything related to Valentine's Day is me appearing in the opinion section of the school's student newspaper, The Tartan. Haha. Oh my..I can't believe I was actually approached and I can't believe what I said! Haha. And I received lots of chocolates too. Ooh... Somehow, V-day also reminded me of my JC days, when everyone of us would give everyone else in class a little something. I remember Zherui giving all the girls a small cauliflower each cos he didn't manage to get a flower for each of us. Haha. That seemed like such a distant memory.
Then there was Chinese New Year. The second straight year I'm spending CNY away from home, and it made me feel a little homesick. We had SSA CNY dinner and I guess it's kind of appropriate to spend CNY here with your friends, considering that your friends are like your family here, when you are far away from home.
Weatherwise, it has been quite crazy. The temperature went down to -25 degrees two weeks ago (no kidding!) and there was a snowstorm last week. It was really hard to walk in all that snow, but on the flip side, we had a snowfight and traying session. It was fun, but oh so tiring, and I was hit so many times (pretty painful at first) and someone poured snow on me too...
Deborah asked me to lead bible study for cell group yesterday and I was thankful for the opportunity to serve in cell group. My first time leading a bible study, but luckily, I was not that nervous. However, I got distracted halfway through, which is very bad. I realize I do miss serving in church and I hope I will be able to serve in cell group or ACF.
I think the accumulation of everything has really gotten to me these past few days. Was pretty stressed out, but I don't think it was because of schoolwork alone. It is just that everything that is going on seems so overwhelming. I kept on thinking about summer plans too and it made me very worried. Kindda ironic huh..getting miserable thinking about summer. But I really hope it will be resolved soon cos it is really driving me crazy. I don't like all this uncertainty and knowing what I'm going to do in summer will hopefully clear up a few things. Like helping me to decide whether I should do 3 or 4 years here. Ah well. I guess my faith has been really tested and I know I shouldn't think about it too much, but I can't help thinking about it.