Not only that, I have been feeling rather cold inside too. If you get what I mean. I think it's because there is a certain nervousness inside, a feeling of uncertainty and feeling very unsure of yourself. Interview tomorrow and yes, I am feeling very nervous about it. Maybe I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself to do well for the interview. And it's not only the interview. I was very nervous about teaching the problem session about matrix too. I guess I have always been a self-conscious person, so I was thinking about how the students would view me as a TA if I don't really know how to do a question or I don't explain well. I mean I know the feeling of having a lousy TA and I don't want to be a lousy TA. Oh well.
Other than that, I think school has so far been pretty okay for me. No doubt there are lots of things to do, especially since I have to teach and grade homework now, but I am slowly learning to be more disciplined and to manage my time better. All my homeworks, except for readings, are due on Friday and yes, so far, Thursday nights have been pretty insane with all the rush to clear the work. Hopefully that will slowly change. But I think I have taken things pretty easy, either that or I just can't be bothered, because even when I still have a lot of work to do, I don't really get that stressed compared to last time. I even started a homework on Friday itself last week but luckily, I managed to finish it.
The good news is, I have been getting enough sleep over the past week. 7 hours at least from Sunday to Wednesday nights. I have been falling asleep rather early too, like around 11, I'll be nodding off already, so I usually sleep by 1. Well, I guess the sleeping schedule so far is good cos I have long days in school, so I don't really feel that tired.
Classes are pretty okay too. I kind of enjoy all my classes this semester. The hardest/craziest has to be my finance class, cos I am learning VERY math stuff and it is all new/very complicated to me, things like stochastic calculus, Brownian motion and what not. But David (who is also a comp finance major) and I agreed that nothing can be as crazy as the probability course we took last sem. My favorite classes (okay I have 2) are International Money & Finance (or conveniently shortened as IMF haha) and Personality. The professor for IMF used to work in Federal Reserves and he knows Alan Greenspan very well and the stuff we are doing now is just very interesting. Personality is very slack, but again, I find the stuff interesting too. Stats is okay too..the stuff is pretty boring, but we have a good prof. My least favorite class is perhaps OR (Operations Research), just because I have no idea what is going on in the class. Maybe I should read up haha. And the prof is very boring too and speaks in a monotonous way. But he let us off 30min earlier today because the classroom was too cold! Haha.
Jakarta has been flooding for a few days now and a friend asked me yesterday whether my family is all right. I stupidly realized then that I have no idea at all because I have not spoken to my dad in a while, and I felt so guilty. My mum just left for Singapore (and Shanghai with my brother), so I just assumed that everything back home is all right. Just goes to show that my dad and I are not very close. I really felt bad about it, so I decided to call him just now, and thankfully, everything is all right, even though I think the phone lines are affected cos I kept getting cut off just now.
Lost my right contact lens over the weekend while washing it and it just went down the sink. Was quite irritated with myself because I did such a stupid thing. But oh well, what to do? I guess I'll just have to make do with specs for the time being. Can't believe that I've gotten rather vain because I just cannot imagine myself not wearing contacts at all!
Hmm thought blogging will make me feel better, but evidently it hasn't. Still feeling rather shaky inside. I really should stop feeling nervous and calm down. Sigh. I guess it's just everything that I'm going through right now. Somehow I think that I'm starting to lose control of my feelings.
Maybe you are right. Maybe I do need that to make me feel less down/discouraged. Ah well, we'll see what happens. Right now though, I just wish that the weather would get warmer soon.