I am not sure how to put this into words, but I have come to the realization that I have been wanting to do so many things (not just now, but in future as well) and I think I just have to learn to sacrifice and make decisions based on what is most important to me, my priorities and values, and be contented with what I have chosen and with what I have.
I just realized that there are only about 3 weeks or so to spring break, and it is half a semester left to graduation! Even though I have complained so much about this place, the weather and how boring it is, I am really going to miss living here. As much as I am looking forward to finally being able to live at/close to home, I am really going to miss the slower pace of life here, the quietness of the place, the much more friendly people, chatting away while sipping hot drinks at the corner-of-Craig-Street Starbucks, eating delicious hot crepes, marveling at the whiteness of snow and maybe even trudging through the snow or slipping on ice (real ice of course and not the kind you find in skating rinks!). I am definitely going to look back fondly on my time here. And I guess I have never really said this openly before, but the one thing I dread most about leaving is that I am afraid to lose the friendships I have formed here. Oh well. Graduation and leaving is such a bittersweet occasion.
I think CDO's are the coolest thing I have ever learned in school. And we are going to do a project on it! Just hope it's not too difficult though. I think about some of the stuff I get to learn here and I'm really thankful that I had the opportunity to come here for my university education and be part of the computational finance program.
Anyway, wishing everyone a Happy Valentine's Day! =)
Went ice-skating at Schenley yesterday with my cell group and one of the guys' cell group. My first time ice-skating and it was a very interesting experience. I was initially reluctant to go because I was really really scared of falling on ice, and yesterday's experience was really a test of my faith and a chance for me to overcome my fear of ice-skating. In the end, I realized that the more I thought about falling, the more likely I were to lose my balance and fall, and I really had to block out all my fears of falling and just believe in myself and take that small step forward. Kindda reminded me of Peter walking on water haha. Luckily, the guys were very nice enough to guide us and hold our hands and I think I started to get hold of it towards the end. I fell down once, but I'm glad I went 2 rounds around the rink without falling, with Ray and Adrian holding my hands though! Pity I still didn't dare to skate by myself without holding on to the railings or to the guys. I was really that scared. Maybe next time...
As we watch the planes take off
We both know we have no clear answer
To where my dreams may lead
She's watched me as I crawled and stumbled
As a child, she was my world
And now to let me go, I know she bleeds
And yet she says to me
You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
Autumn leaves fell into spring time
And silver-painted hair
Daddy called one evening saying
"We need you. Please come back"
When I saw her laying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cried
You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and it has left me feeling so uncertain, so insecure about myself and so confused. Really need to sort my thoughts out badly and find the time to do so.