Classes have been pretty okay, I hope. The one that I think will be the most difficult is Probability, which is partly why I'm thinking of switching to an easier Stats course. I have to decide soon, but I just hate making decisions (doesn't help that I'm also a very indecisive person). I seem to be afraid of dropping the class..I have no idea why. The professor is actually quite good, but the course is just too theoretical for my liking and I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle it. But well, they prefer Comp Finance majors to take the harder course. Still thinking about it.
My favorite course so far: Child Psych. It is just downright fun and interesting. And watching the videos of children doing silly/cute things during lectures just make me like the course more. Not to mention that the professor is also very entertaining and funny.
Speaking of professors, each of my professor speaks a different accent (I think). Accounting professor has a Japanese accent (according to Jessica, but I'm still not sure). Probability prof has an undetermined (as of now) accent, but whenever he says "omega" (referring to set of all possible outcomes), I keep on thinking he says "oh my god!". Haha. Really. So each time, I'd be like, why is he saying "oh my god?" then I'd realize that he said "omega". Economics theory prof has a slight indian accent and he speaks really softly. Macroecons prof has a french accent(!) but speaks in a monotonous tone which unfortunately makes him very boring. Child psych prof has a british accent. And finally, finance prof speaks in a normal American accent. Well, I don't really care about accents and such, but it's something that I find quite interesting.
I don't know what's bothering me, but I seem to get more easily pissed and irritated these days. I wonder why.
Had accounting at 8.30. Jessica and Moss taking the class too. Had a Chinese (or is it Japanese) professor, who talked very slowly in a very boring way. Not good for such an early class. Me and jess decided that the professor looked like the Japanese commander in Pearl Harbor haha. Oops. He got better towards the end of the lesson.
Probability at 9.30. I think I have a Russian professor for the class. Well, I can't decide what kind of accent he has. There are only 4 girls in the class! I was like the first girl that walked into the classroom and my first thought was, "Oh dear! All guys!" Haha. Luckily, I saw David, who is also majoring in comp finance, so I talked to him. And then Natasha walked in too. I think the bunch of us doing comp finance are taking quite a few classes together!
And then economic theory at 10.30. All the way at Tepper. Indian professor this time. Could barely hear him, but whatever. More familiar faces, and Natasha is also taking the course.
So yeah..3 classes went by pretty quickly. Next class at 2.30pm..and it's also at Tepper! Same classroom too. Quite stupid for me to go home, but what can I do in school for 3 hours? I'd rather go home to watch US Open! Saw Kristan and Aaron on the way home. Haha..Aaron just reached Pittsburgh at 9am! He's so amusing la.
Anyway, I had a terrible nightmare last night. Something about plane crashes. Yes..I dreamt about more than 1 plane crash, and the thing that scares me is that the picture of the plane crash is so vivid, so fresh in my mind. I remember feeling very frightened and shaken in my dream..maybe that's why I couldn't sleep peacefully. Well, I have a fear of flying, but I don't understand why I'm dreaming about such things now, after I've arrived safely here. Hope everything will be all right.
I was made weak to humbly obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things;
I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy;
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life;
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for - but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am among all men most richly blessed.
The past few days have been relatively slack. Went out on Thursday and Friday to do grocery shopping, and went to Waterfront to do a bit of shopping (but did not buy anything in the end). I was still pretty jet-lagged, not being able to sleep at night and waking up very early in the morning, but I think I have now pretty much recovered from it. Played tennis everyday for the past few days too, in the evening or at night. Haha. Still not sick of playing tennis..well, won't be able to play when the weather gets cold. Finished unpacking/sorting my stuff yesterday and cleaned the house today. Well, I guess it's good having a down time before school starts.
Went to a different church this morning, Bellefield Presbyterian Church. It's quite a university church, lots of university students go there, though they are mostly from UPitt. It's a different church from the ones that I have been too here, but I quite liked it there. Will see how it goes. I hope I'll be able to find a church that I can feel settled in as soon as possible. I'm probably used to Barker already, so I tend to compare church here with Barker, which is not a good idea. Will keep praying about this.
I have told myself to be more positive these past few days, but it is definitely not easy. These past few days, more often than not, I have thought a lot about home, and whenever I thought about home, I would feel a bout of homesickness and get upset and quite disillusioned, wishing I was home again. And I would let it go on for a while until it really affected my mood. I know I cannot go on this way. The more I do that, the more homesick I will become and the worse it will get. But of course, it is not easy to stop thinking about home. But I'm trying my best. There is nothing wrong about thinking of home, but I shouldn't feel so sad about not being at home or let my homesickness affect me too much. I will still keep in touch with family and friends, and before I know it, it will be time for me to go back again. Be more positive!
My mum has been/is traveling a lot these days. She went back to Jakarta from Singapore on Friday, went to Malang in East Java on Saturday morning for my grandmother's birthday celebration, went back to Jakarta on Sunday night, is on the way to the airport to go to Singapore now and will be going to Perth on Monday night (or morning US time). Visiting my brother in Perth cos if I'm not wrong, he will be having exams soon. Just hope she will have a safe flight. And I also hope the three of us are not giving mum and dad too much headache!
Anyway, US Open is starting tomorrow and I am really excited about it! Will get to watch it on tv too. I'm really into tennis now, so yes. Haha. I'm hoping we will get to see good matches on Sunday night. Who knows...Agassi vs Roddick. That would be sweet.
"Bcos pitt and cmu suck so much that they make you miss ur loved ones and ur home a lot more than you realize"
"Cos you know how shitty it is here now. There was hope before, not anymore"
Haha. Well, I don't exactly hate being here, but of course being home beats being here. Still, not everything is bad, there are a few good things about cmu and pittsburgh, so I guess you just gotta give and take.
My friends have asked me how it is like over here and when I told them that it is boring, they were very surprised. I guess most people in Singapore expect studying in the US to be a very exciting experience, a chance to try out something new, but I have discovered that it is just the opposite. The initial excitement of being in a new environment gradually wears off as you get used to the lifestyle here and everything somewhat becomes more like a routine, the academics is not as easy as people have made it out to be because the homework is just endless (well, maybe this applies for CMU people only haha) and performing well demands consistency so it is also stressful, and somehow, after experiencing and getting exposed to all these new and different things, I have realized that I feel most comfortable being home and you actually do miss home, even though perhaps when you were home all along before, you thought that home is a really boring place. Anyway, my point is I should stop complaining and whining because let's face it, I'm already here. I should just be more positive and move on with life.
With that said, I barely slept the past few days and I'm still jetlagging badly, so I'm gonna sleep now.
I finished reading Tuesdays With Morrie on the plane. It is a very readable, inspirational book, which touches on various issues in life that we often have to deal with. I guess once your days are numbered, you will start to see life from a different perspective, know your priorities better, realize that close relationships and spirituality are more important than material riches which are impermanent, and basically, you will live your life differently. Morrie's mantra is that the most important thing in this world is love - in his words, "Love each other or perish". (The Bible, by the way, also emphasizes the importance of love in this world). To love one another and be loved in return. It is perhaps idealistic to say that the world will be a much better place if we all love another, but I do think it will indeed be.
Why does it seem that it doesn't feel right that I'm back in Pittsburgh? It still feels as if I'm not supposed to be here yet. I thought leaving for a faraway place the first time would be the hardest, but I never imagined that it would be so much more difficult and painful this time. I could not bear to walk away from the glass wall before the immigration counter and the tears really did come this time. Too many emotions bottled up within me over the past week and I guess with Tuesday's events and the whole prospect of leaving, I just could not keep my emotions in check. The flight from Singapore to Tokyo was terrible; I was such an emotional wreck.
Sigh. What is wrong with me??
So there are only a few days left to the summer holidays before school starts again on Monday. I suppose it has been a fantastic and wonderful summer, if not a very eventful and emotional one. What is left of it are just mere memories and photos aplenty to remind me of the good times back home. I am just willing myself to block all thoughts about home to prevent myself from getting very homesick, something which is unnatural (and not very desirable) to do, something which I was so against to last year but am doing this year. Ah well. I just know that everyone back home will tell me that 4 months will pass by very quickly and soon, I will be home again.
To my dear little brother (well, I guess you are not that little anymore haha): I was really touched by what you said to me the other night and also by the fact that you actually wanted to wake up so early to send me off even though that day you had your bio prelim prac. All the best for your prelims coming up soon!
Today has been one of those days. I tried to brush aside the fact that this is gonna be my last day in Singapore before I fly off tomorrow morning, but the realization that I'm going back tomorrow just kept coming back. It has been an awfully stressful day, with sort-of last-minute packing and the SIF grant application to attend to. But that phone call just now, which came while I was packing, just did it. I hope everything will go smoothly tomorrow, because right now, I know I'm already almost reaching my breaking point, trying to hold it all together. Sigh. Why does this always have to happen the day before I have to leave?
On the bright side, my cough and flu seem to be getting a lot better. Went to the doctor this morning and he gave me a few medicine for me to take.
Also met up with the CMU bunch for lunch. It was probably not a good idea to hear Ning Sung's experience (she was on board the SQ flight which had to turn around) and also hear that Zhengheng is stranded in NY because his connecting UA flight was cancelled (I think) due to engine problems (sounds familiar eh). Considering that I have to fly tomorrow. You know, I guess once you have experienced such stuff, you will probably know how to handle it the next time you are faced with it. But in reality, once you are faced with such a situation, it is so hard to just stay calm and relaxed. Well, shall not dwell on this further, but I just gotta have more faith.
My mum told me this morning, "I can't believe that you're leaving tomorrow!" It was probably then that I realized my mum would really miss me. I'm feeling slightly guilty cos I guess I've basically snapped at her over the last few days, even though I know deep down that she meant well. I would definitely miss my mum, my family and friends. I really cannot believe that the 7 weeks or so at home have passed by so quickly, but I guess it is time to move on. And you know what? I think I am finally feeling a little excited about going back.
Yesterday, as I was walking out of the sanctuary after the main service, I saw Michelle Lim. Haven't seen her since last year! She's in Cambridge now..don't think she has changed much over the past year. After that, I went to Popular at the Barker canteen and I met Dawn there. Actually, I didn't see her, but she poked me. As I was walking out from Popular, I saw Zaneta and Hannah at the canteen. Went over to talk to Zaneta for a while and she told me about how impressed she was with my brother and how she thought my brother was very mature for his age. Well, maybe quite mature, I guess, to other people, but at home?? Oh man..haha. (I really hope my brother doesn't read my blog). Anyway, saw Jiaqi and his friends when I was having dinner with my family (we ate at the same place). Actually, I saw one of his friends first and thought he look rather familiar, before I saw Jiaqi. Haha. Finally, met Chris, my HC junior, at the bus-stop on the way home. I saw him the other time too on the bus, but didn't get to talk to him yesterday cos he was talking to someone else.
Today, went to NUS to meet a few friends. I haven't been to NUS since last year's open house, and I really think being at NUS feels really different from being in CMU. As in, very different environments. Obviously, NUS is much bigger than CMU, both in the physical sense and in terms of student population. I think I still prefer CMU cos NUS just feels too big, and perhaps too distant, for my liking.
Anyway, saw lots of familiar faces at NUS. People that I "know", but don't really know personally. Met Ai Lian for an early lunch and had a good talk with her. Was supposed to meet Deborah after that, so while I was waiting for her, I saw Jessie and Wendy walking to the LT!! Haha they were quite surprised to see me..talked to them for a while. Was supposed to meet Allison too with Deborah, but Ally was late, so Deborah did her work while waiting for Ally. Medicine is really tough! So many readings and the notes are so so thick! You know, I really cannot imagine getting down to work next week. I'm still in holiday mood and I think it will take a while to get out of it. Sigh. Anyway, after Allison finally came, we went over to the NUH canteen and had mango dessert. And I met Amelia, my tennis teammate, there! Haha. Talked to her for a while too. It was good to meet up with Deborah and Allison again before I go back. Jessica came over in the evening and talked to her for quite a bit too. I haven't seen her in like 3 weeks and it feels kind of weird cos I've been seeing her like almost every minute for the past year! Haha.
My cousin Nicole came over to my place last Thursday and Friday. She is so tall!!! She's already 1.61m even though she's only 12! She commented that she does not like shopping in Bangkok and prefers shopping in Singapore. Most of my Singaporean friends prefer shopping in Bangkok cos the things there are much cheaper. Kind of interesting to see the different perspectives on shopping from people who live in different countries.
Nicole also speaks with an American accent and when I brought her along to meet a few friends, it was obvious that she was speaking differently in a very American way. Her accent just stood out from the way the rest were speaking. I guess, in a way, that sort of reminded me about the way I speak over there. About how the way I speak (in a very Singaporean way) also stands out if I speak with a group of Americans. Actually, I missed hearing the Singapore accent and all the Singlish words when I was over there. I also found it rather disturbing that I had to speak to Nicole differently, in a slightly Americanized way, so that she would understand better, and I spoke to the rest in my normal way. You know, I realize that I speak Chinese in a very English way, I speak Indonesian in a very Singaporean way and at this rate, I won't be surprised if I find myself speaking English in a very "rojak" way, a mix of Singaporean/American accent. Haha.
I haven't played tennis, or exercised, over the past week. All because I'm still sick and have not fully recovered yet. I really miss miss playing tennis and I can't wait to play again. Still on tennis, was watching Roddick in his semifinal match yesterday and he is really on form. His serve and his forehand! Heh..I don't mind getting to watch him play during US Open.
I'm really really very very irritated with my cough/flu. I have almost recovered, but not fully recovered yet, so I still have to take medicine, avoid eating fried/spicy food and drinking cold drinks. I'm rather worried I won't be fully recovered by the time I fly off on Wednesday, but I'll see how I feel tomorrow. Being sick really sucks partly cos I can't eat all the food I want to eat. But my mum was nice enough to cook for me my favorite Indonesian foods for dinner tonight, even though some of them are fried. Haha. Soto, fried chicken, fried mpek mpek, tempe. Whee! The only food I must try before going back is terang bulan. But with the chocolate and cheese, I don't think I can eat much of it. Blah.
EPL has started! And MU won big..5-1! Came home late from dinner and only started watching the match from like 25th minute onwards. Thought that I wouldn't miss much of the match, but I was so wrong. They were like 4-0 up within the first 20 minutes la. But got to see all the goals in the end. My mum still disapproves of me watching soccer, but I told her that that was the only match I would get to watch before I go back and I won't get to watch much soccer over there. Haha. Oh well.
I can't believe that I only have one more full day here. Okay, Wednesday is not really counted cos I'll be leaving early in the morning. I really really don't want to leave. Been really enjoying life at home, just slacking and relaxing. I don't even feel a tinge of excitement about going back and starting a new sem. I hope I will be able to settle down quickly enough and get myself mentally prepared for the new sem.
2 CMU friends have replied to my MSN nick: "Goodbye". Like what the heck! Haha. My msn nick, by the way, is "There is no easy way to say goodbye", taken from song lyrics. Whatever.
I know I should resume packing, but I don't have the mood to. Okay I just need to stuff all my things into the bags, but I am just so lazy! Always very last-minute huh. Also probably cos I really don't want to leave. Ah well.
I LIVE MY LIFE FOR YOU (Firehouse)
You know you're everything to me and I could never see
The two of us apart
And you know I give myself to you and no matter what you do
I promise you my heart
I've built my world around you and I want you to know
I need you like I've never needed anyone before
I live my life for you
I wanna be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you
I dedicate my life to you, you know that I would die for you
But our love would last forever
And I will always be with you and there is nothing we can't do
As long as we're together
I just can't live without you and I want you to know
I need you like I've never needed anyone before
I live my life for you
I wanna be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you
I've built my world around you and I want you to know
I need you like I've never needed anyone before
I live my life for you
I wanna be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you
I live my life for you
I live my life for you
I realize that people can be very fickle indeed. I was reading the match report for England vs Greece and the one thing that stood out in my mind was that the fans were very fickle and changed their minds easily. The fans were initially not supportive of Steve McClaren becoming the England coach, yet when he came out for the second half with England 4-0 up, he was cheered. Even more telling was the reaction to Owen Hargreaves. His every touch during England's warm-up game before the World Cup at Old Trafford was booed, but after an impressive World Cup in which he was voted England's player of the tournament, his every touch during the friendly with Greece at the same venue was cheered loudly. Ah..how quickly the fans' perceptions have changed.
I guess, in a way, this also shows in the way we deal with people around us. Something that a person has done can ruin a great friendship or change our impression of the person drastically. Or to put it differently, a relationship/friendship can be formed or repaired because of what someone has done that means a lot to us. Ah well.
I don't like the person I have become lately. Impatient, easily irritated, tend to snap at people easily, getting really listless and restless. I have no idea why I'm feeling like that. Perhaps it is because I am sick. Or perhaps it is the prospect of leaving so soon. Whatever the case, it sucks to be feeling this way and I hope I will get out of it soon.
There are so many things on my mind that I want to say, but I can't find the right words to say what is on my mind. Perhaps some things are better left unsaid.
DANCE WITH MY FATHER (Luther Vandross)
Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
How I'd love love love to dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my momma said
Later that night, when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
Cause I'd love love love to dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I'd pray for her even more than me
I'd pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream
I think this was the first time I've been back here that it's only me alone and my parents. Normally, my brother(s) would also be back too. But it was good to just spend time with my parents alone.
I met up with my primary school friends too - melissa on saturday and the 4 of them on sunday. It's amazing how some people could change a lot, yet others did not change a single bit. But it was a nice feeling to still be able to talk to your close friends after all this time I have been away. It was as if I have never left in the first place.
The single lasting impression of my two weeks here is perhaps, sadly, of my driving accident on Sunday. But I have chosen to look at it in a rather positive light. Let's just say, I don't think I'll ever make the same mistake as I did on Sunday. Highly unlikely.
You know, sometimes I wonder why all these unfortunate events are happening to me. Cancelled/delayed flights and then of course the Sunday's driving incident. I always like to think that after going through such experiences which I doubt many others have gone through, I would become a much stronger person and able to handle the stress that comes with it. But I don't think I have. I still panic and worry about the worst that could have happened. Even after I prayed many times, I still did not feel at ease. It was as if I did not believe in what I was praying about. I should learn to calm down, not worry so much, be more positive and above all, let go of my worries and trust in the Lord.
15 August. Last year, this was the day that I left Singapore for Pittsburgh, embarking on my first year far far away from home, and leaving behind a place and people I would come to miss so dearly. This year, one year on, I would be leaving Jakarta for Singapore, still leaving behind a place and people I would miss very dearly.
I just hate having to leave a place and say goodbyes.
There is no easy way to goodbye.
Went for driving today with my driving instructor last time and I thought it was just like another ordinary driving session. Didn't have a great start cos I forgot that the security guards didn't open the apartment gate fully. Somehow, I was not feeling good driving even from the start, but I just thought that it was cos I was sick (down with sore throat). But that should have signalled to me that my drive today wasn't gonna be very smooth. Well, it just went downhill from there. I made a mistake when parking the car, but that mistake could have had serious repercussions. (Shall not elaborate here, but you can ask me if you want to know more). Basically, out of all the driving mishaps I have had, this was definitely the worst. I was really really scared, shocked, traumatized and at a complete loss of words. I did not even say sorry to the person partly because I was scared, but more so because I was still shocked at what I had done, that it involved someone's life. I was praying and praying, hoping that things would not turn out so badly. Luckily, things did not turn out as badly as we had thought it would, but that was scant consolation for me. Until now, I'm still reeling from the shock. This will take some time to get over. I still have no idea how I could have driven back safely just now after the incident. But I am just grateful that things got sorted out in the end.
Met up for dinner with jevelin, budy, albert and zena (who also happens to be studying in pennsylvania!). Dinner with them is always gonna be crazy and that totally cheered me up. Reminisced a lot about primary school days. I wonder how all of them can have such vivid recollection of our primary school days. I don't remember much and I have forgotten quite a few people. They still make fun of my indo..nothing new here. You know, I just realize that I tend to consider Singapore as home rather than Jakarta. More used to the lifestyle there, even though I've technically spent more years in Jakarta. Zena also used to study in Singapore (albeit for only 4 years), but she still considers Jakarta home. My friends commented that I'm always back for only a short while. Maybe I should be back longer next time, so that I'll be able to meet up with people more frequently and also meet up with more people. But you know, I'm always busy in Singapore, whereas here, I do get bored sometimes cos there is nothing much to do. Hmm..maybe I'll have to change my mindset or something. As in, treat Jakarta as a home more, so in that way, I'll be able to spend more time here and have more things to do here as well. Oh well.
Got down with sore throat this morning. I guess the late nights (well..I sleep at 12+ here, which is 1am+ in Singapore..don't think it's that late huh) and all the spicy/oily/fried (but extremely delicious) Indonesian food have finally caught up with me. KTV plans in Singapore hang in the balance now. Hopefully, I'll be able to recover soon, before all the traveling starts.
I think I've grown to like a few songs more after hearing them played in a film or a TV series. A few songs that come to mind are The Calling's Wherever You Will Go (Kate and Leopold), Aqualung's Strange and Beautiful (an Ashton Kutcher movie I watched last year..forgot the title), Evan and Jaron's The Distance (Serendipity), The Rembrandts' I'll Be There For You (Friends) and most recently, Paul McCartney's This Never Happened Before (The Lakehouse). Perhaps after watching those songs being played, I've grown to appreciate the songs better and found the lyrics much more meaningful.
I have also found that I tend to like songs even more after watching the music videos for the songs. Maybe it has to do with watching the artists "sing" the songs in the music videos, and sometimes even acting very dramatic and all. Haha. But well, music videos have succeeded in leaving me with a deeper impression of the songs.
One of the few exceptions I have found to that is Paris Hilton's latest single. I had no idea that Paris Hilton was going to release a single until I saw her music video here. Well, I haven't heard the song before and I certainly did not like the music video, in which she just basically acted slutty. You know, her usual stuff. Left a bad impression on my mind and I basically didn't wait for the song to finish. So now, whenever I see her music video on TV, I'd just immediately not watch it (flip channels or just do something else). Which has actually led me to conclude that her song is quite similar to her music video, i.e. sucky. But Aaron and Huiling have told me that the song is actually quite nice. Maybe I just need to listen to the song itself without watching the video so that I won't be so biased.
Anyway, I have sometimes found it quite amazing that I can remember many many songs, songs from like 7-8 years back, even though I have also listened to more and more songs. Like if a certain song is played and I have heard it before at one point in time, I'd usually be able to guess the title of the song rightaway, or if not, after the chorus. And I'd be able to sing the songs too, or recognize their tunes. It's really quite amazing that I don't forget such things easily. Not like academic stuff, which I tend to forget easily. I think I have forgotten quite a bit of what I learned last sem, which is really bad (or maybe that's just me). Perhaps we tend to forget such stuff more easily because we're forced to memorize it and remember it in our minds, whereas for song titles, we remember them at our own will. Or perhaps such information is stored in different parts of the brain??
(Speaking of which, the author of the book I'm reading now mentioned that while he was interviewing job applicants, he met so many university graduates who forgot even the most fundamental stuff they had learnt in universities. The author then commented that the university education was such a waste for them. Which got me to think about what I have learned so far in university. I hope my university education would not be a waste, if not it would be a waste of time and certainly, money).
Songs songs songs. Huiling and I commented the other day that songs are perhaps one of the best things that God has ever invented. Haha. Well, this comment coming from two people who are really mad about songs and still follow the latest songs and all. If you know what I mean. But really. What would the world be without songs? In a similar way, that would be asking, what would the world be without music? Since I guess songs are part of music. Certainly, beautiful songs can help to enliven or lighten a mood, but I think the more profound effect that songs have is that they express our exact thoughts and feelings, which we sometimes cannot communicate. In a way, songs are a form of communication.
For me, I don't really listen to songs for their lyrics. But songs which have meaningful lyrics, or lyrics which I can identify with, are more memorable to me. I can also remember songs which carry a sad tune or slow songs (aka ballads) better.
Then, there is of course, classical music, played on piano. I was really amused yesterday when my mum played Fur Elise on piano in an attempt to wake me up. Haha. But I must admit she really played beautifully. I could tell that she played with feelings, which is what made the way she play really beautiful and much more enjoyable to listen to. Unlike the way I play. I tend to focus more on the technicalities and not the emotional stuff (and I tend to play faster too), so even though the way I play is technically better, it has a less powerful effect overall, simply cos it lacks the emotional factor. Listening to my mum play though has made me realize that songs (and music) are indeed one of the best things that God has invented.
(By the way, I have no idea why Paris Hilton's and Jessica Simpson's music videos are always played back-to-back. It's kind of telling if you consider the similarities between the two singers. I watched the music video of Nick Lachey's latest single recently, and I was struck by how similar the woman in his music video is to Jessica Simpson. There are also TV crew in the music video, shooting Nick Lachey and the woman, which is, of course, a reference to their reality show, Newlyweds. And after that, the music video portrays the woman as being unhappy and wanting to leave him. The music video is perhaps an account of their marriage, and quite possibly, portrayed from his viewpoint. Interesting, isn't it?)
Cos of what happened yesterday in Britain, UA has new regulations now, like not allowing liquid stuff on carry-on bags I think. Which means I can't bring certain stuff on my carry-on bag. Great. Speaking of bags, I hope my bags going back to States won't be too heavy cos I really have LOTS of stuff to bring back. Packing is gonna be such a nightmare.
I'm sort of regretting going back so early now. One more day would make a huge difference for me. Well, who wants to go back anyway, but what to do? At least I'll still be coming back again in December.
The article also points out a few trends, like fewer women pursuing MBA and choosing Wall Street as their preferred industry. Another one I find really interesting is that quite a number of grad schools are recruiting younger women (Wharton's incoming call this fall will have twice as many students with 0 to 4 years of work experience compared to last year!), in a bid to get women into business sooner.
I guess the article has given me a better insight into a career in the financial sector. I knew it would be tough, long working hours and all, but I'm not sure if I'll be prepared to make sacrifices along the way.
I've sort of planned how my next few years will be like, but you know, I realize that I've got to keep things in perspective. No matter how hard/good I plan, ultimately everything is in God's hands. He is the one in control of my life.
Going back to Singapore next Tuesday and I can just foresee a week of madness there before flying back to States. Have plans to go out with friends for more ktv and tennis and maybe bowling, but I'm really sorry I can't confirm any of that right now. My cousin Nicole will be in Singapore till next Sunday and I've no idea whether she'll be staying over at my place or whether I have to bring her around town. My uncle is supposed to come over to my place with Nicole and Nathan next wednesday (I think), but I have no idea at what time. Already made plans for ktv with sin hui though (since she'll be having a break from 10am to 4pm)..don't know if I'll be free for tennis in the morning. I also need to go back to fix my specs (I've no idea how the lens cracked) and also to see my dentist (regarding wisdom teeth). Huiling has asked me if I'll be free for ktv next thursday night and she may also want to come over to my place. I'm also supposed to meet Chris cos I didn't get to meet him before I left that time. My dad will be going over to Singapore next weekend and I'm not sure if another cousin (from my dad's side this time) will be staying overnight the night before I've to leave for US.
More ramblings. But I'm just so frustrated at (as someone had put it so aptly) how I'm always short of time.
Less than 2 weeks left. Blah!
You know, sometimes I find it amazing that I can no longer speak Indonesian fluently. Considering that I've spoken it for the better part of twelve years before I left for Singapore. Just shows how easily you can forget a language if you don't use it very often. Same with Chinese, though I think Chinese is probably much worse for me. I used to learn Chinese when I was in primary school, but I forgot almost all of it after I left cos I didn't really speak much Chinese when I was in Singapore. Well, I don't think I'll forget my Indonesian entirely cos I've used it for a long time. My conclusion from all this? To learn a language well, you must use the language regularly (as in speak the language). There's no point in learning a language, regardless of how many times you've learned it, if you don't try to speak in it cos you'll forget it if you don't use it after a while.
I almost forgot that today is national day in Singapore. Second straight year I've missed national day celebrations in Singapore. I was in Singapore last year, but I forgot that it was national day.. Pity I missed the fireworks too. Instead of seeing Singapore flags, I'm seeing Indonesian flags everywhere. Well, Indonesia's own national day is not too far away..on 17 Aug.
Anyway, off to watch Apprentice 4 finale now.
Okay, I've eaten 4 times today. Had rotiboy for breakfast, soto ayam after swimming, then a light lunch (more Indo food) and I just had a bit of rotiboy (again) and some coconut dessert my mum bought. I'm still going out for dinner later and I'm starting to feel hungry again. Oh man!!
Went swimming today after not swimming in a long long time and then driving for 2 hours after that. Driving today was unexpectedly very smooth, so I'm pretty happy about that. Hehe :)
Just a thought that crossed my mind. If people around you are doing something that is wrong (or against Christian values), would you be brave enough to stand up for your own values and not follow everyone else in doing it, even if it means that you'll be hurt or worse off by not doing it? Or would you, perhaps for the sake of not losing out to others, follow the rest in doing it?
Today, went out with mum to Taman Anggrek, one of the biggest shopping centres here, for lunch and shopping. Had a good talk with her during lunch and bought lots of stuff again. I've really been spending a lot this hols and I feel so bad, but I can't help buying stuff. Haha. Well, I guess it was nice spending time with her. My parents took me out for dinner at my favorite seafood restaurant here. Place was packed as usual, but food was yummy yummy yummy! Hehe.
So far, I've really enjoyed myself here. I've been doing nothing much really, except for tennis, driving and just spending time with my parents. Next week will probably be busier cos I'll be meeting up with friends and going out more. But for now, I'm just content with the considerably slower pace of life here. You know, finding things to do to kill time instead of finding time to do the things you need/want to do. Must really enjoy my time here as much as I can cos once I get back to singapore and pittsburgh, it'll be a mad rush all over again.
I actually pity my parents' chauffeur, who has to accompany me if I want to go about and practise driving. To put it bluntly, I think my driving sucks. Or maybe I just need more practice. Whatever the case, I think sitting in a car with me driving it (and at the way I'm driving now) is kind of a nightmare and gives him a heart-attack. Haha. Yesterday, I almost crashed into two cars just as I was getting out from the apartment complex. I only didn't crash cos my chauffeur was shouting at me to brake the car. Engine died again cos I stepped on the brake too far without stepping on the clutch. I'm basically having all sorts of problems la. Always brake late or abruptly (doesn't help that the car brake is pretty sharp too), tend to step on the clutch first and then the brake instead of stepping on the brake first then clutch, so the car speeds up instead of slowing down, don't look left/right when I drive or want to overtake/change lane/make a U-turn, drive too slowly (well for yesterday..cos of that bad start of nearly crashing) so sometimes other cars will honk which is really irritating, etc. I haven't done much parking yet or driving on the slope, which is probably my weakest point. Sigh. Maybe I'm just not cut out for driving. Or perhaps I should only drive an auto car. Oh well.
I was reminded that I've only about 18 days left before going back. Why are the holidays passing by so quickly? Sigh. I really don't want to go back.
Quite a few people have asked me whether I prefer Singapore or Pittsburgh. Each time, my answer has been Singapore. Nicer food, nicer weather (at least it's less unpredictable) and most importantly, that's where most of my family and friends are. If you ask me whether I prefer Jakarta or Pittsburgh, I'd say Jakarta too, simply because that's where my family is. But if you ask me whether I prefer Singapore or Jakarta, I really can't answer that question. Just sometime ago, I would have probably answered Singapore. Probably because I'm just more used to the lifestyle there. Even now, I consider myself more of a Singaporean than an Indonesian. I'm feeling like a foreigner, here for a short visit, even though I'm Indonesian, whereas in Singapore, I felt as if I was totally at home. Doesn't help that I can't converse in Indonesian fluently. I talk to my parents in English and I speak broken Indonesian. It's like speaking Indonesian in a very English way..almost as bad as me speaking Chinese in an English manner. It's a shame really..me almost neglecting my Indonesian roots, considering that I was born in Indonesia and spent my childhood there. It really doesn't feel that I belong here. Is it supposed to be like this? Am I supposed to feel this way? I don't know.
I've been sleeping and waking up late recently. My mum isn't happy that I'm doing that. Gotta turn in early tonight though. Church tomorrow is at 7am!
Not much going on huh? I guess it's a nice change though. Just spending time at home and doing things which I did not have much of a chance to do in Singapore. I must say it's been a relaxing time here. Going to sleep now.
I love this quote, taken from my cousin's msn nick: "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."