The bus ride to Strip District yesterday basically calmed me down and helped me get out of my state of downward spiral. It was such a different experience to be going to Strip by myself (normally, would go there with a few friends). The bus ride was quiet and peaceful at the same time, and I had the time needed to reflect on what have been an insane past few days.
I could have gone on and on complaining about having to make the extra trip down yesterday, but what use would it be? I realized that complaining about things just makes everything worse and makes me feel even worse. I should learn to appreciate the little things in life and enjoy the beauty that life has to offer because something positive, no matter how small or insignificant it is, can go a long way to improve my mood. Like what a friend wrote, I should really stop complaining and instead, start appreciating things.
I also could not help but reflect on my lousy time management skills. If I had managed my time better, it wouldn't have been such a crazy last few days, because I wouldn't have had to do my work so last-minute. It wouldn't have been such a mad rush and I wouldn't have had to sleep late and feel so lethargic (and so "dead"). All those thinking about dropping a course when I'm actually doing all right in all of them would have been unnecessary. I know I can handle 6 courses, no matter how insane it seems, cos well, after all, I managed to do it last sem. I'm just gonna do my best and fight it through and not slack.
Thinking about all this time management thing reminded me of what a friend said when he tried to teach me about how to manage my time. Something about dividing and prioritizing the things you have to do into 4 categories: important & urgent, important but not urgent, urgent but not important, and not important not urgent. Of course, I haven't really applied them yet. To me, what matters most is that things get done, no matter how late they are done. But obviously, that is not the best approach.
Oh well. To that friend of mine..you know, I really admire the way you manage your time. It's like you have everything in control and you have time to do so many things, to take a break and of course, get enough of your beauty sleep. Haha.
It hit me yesterday that not sleeping enough really makes you age. I think the past week has been the most tired/lethargic I have felt this semester, even though last week was not the first time I have been sleeping late. But during probability lesson, I suddenly realized that sleeping late seems to give me the impression that I don't get much rest, that so many things have happened in one day that makes it seem as if they have happened over a much longer period of time, hence the reason why I feel so much older. It seems as though you have lived through a much longer period of time.
I saw a glimpse of the Pittsburgh skyline and the tall buildings yesterday when I was at Strip District. And now, I feel like going to Station Square and going up the incline again! To see the view from above, the beautiful night skyline and glittering lights, and to enjoy the peace that I get looking and enjoying the breathtaking scenery. I hope to be able to witness the sunset from Mount Washington one day or to watch fireworks lighting up the night sky again. Or perhaps, share the beautiful moment high up with someone that I love. (Okay..why am I thinking about all this romantic stuff now? Haha). Anyhow, anyone up for a ride up the incline sometime soon?
Ah well. I shall stop musing about things now. Next week is, fortunately, not as busy for me. Then again, that was what I thought this week would be too and look what happened in the end. It may seem deceptively less busy, but if I get down to slacking over the weekend and doing things last minute, then it certainly will be another mad rush towards the end of next week. Let's see how next week goes.
Food fest today and I sure hope things will go very smoothly. Enough things have happened these past few days to piss me off (and knowing myself, I think it's very rare that I get really really pissed off). I feel some people have let me down and they are not even willing to apologize or admit to their mistakes, instead preferring to just pretend that they have done nothing wrong and shifted the responsibility/blame to me. Can you just for once be responsible for what you have done instead of having others clean up the mess you have created? Bah.
Okay I know I'm in such a foul mood right now. I hope this is only a temporary phase. Because if this continues to go on, I really don't know how much longer I can stand all this. THIS SUCKS.
God, please help me.
I think I'm just getting quite stressed out by all the stuff that is going on. Perhaps I should just learn to let go a little and not attempt to do everything. I feel like I'm just existing, going through everything that comes my way, but not really living life the way I want to.
Argh! What is wrong with me? I cannot let myself get overwhelmed and stressed out like this. Please give me the strength to go through this.
Sigh. I feel lazy to study for my child psych exam tomorrow. I do not like to memorize stuff! I was looking through my planner and I found out that I will have midterms/exams/paper due every week till the Thanksgiving break!! What a disheartening thought! Arghh. Oh well. No use complaining about it (anyway, I'm trying hard to cut down on my complaining now, cos I think complaining is really a sign of ungratefulness..).
I just found out that one of the finance courses I want to take next sem is only offered in fall! Which means I can only take it in fall '07 (I can't take it this sem cos I don't have the pre-reqs). But I need that finance course for the higher level finance electives I have to take. Arghh!! Let's just say..no matter how thorough or how hard I plan my course sequence and everything, it can just go wrong when you find out the courses you have to take are not offered or the times clash. (And I think the course catalogue I have is outdated). Ah well..shall not think about that now.
Anyway, I have a new song stuck in my head: Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. And Jonathan's performance of this song is just fantastic.
We'll do it all, everything, on our own
We don't need anything or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world
I don't quite know how to say how I feel
Those three words are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace to remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
I just know that these things
Will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world
Anyway, went to job fairs on Tuesday (TOC) and yesterday (BOC). My first time going to a job fair, so I didn't really quite know what to expect. But now I know that looking for a job/internship isn't that easy. Talked to recruiters from a few companies, but I also didn't really know what to say. Oh well. Something positive I will take is that it was a learning experience.
I think this week has so far been surprisingly okay for me. It has been a pretty busy week, but I'm still managing, which is good I guess. And I think I've been slightly more disciplined, both in doing my quiet time, doing my work and sleeping early. I'm really trying to avoid doing last-minute work now, and so far, so good. Well, I did do my econs homework rather last-minute yesterday, and that feeling sucks. So yeah haha.
Went for paintball on Sunday and it was quite an experience. But didn't expect it to be so army-like. If you know what I mean. I basically just camped and didn't run around like the guys did. Lasted quite a while, except for the last round, when I was the second one out. And I actually survived 1 round! But yeah..it's painful! I was expecting it to be very painful, so maybe that's why it didn't really feel that painful to me. I have a bruise though on my arm. Luckily, it's small..
My stand-in teacher for my finance course has a rather wry sense of humor. We were discussing lookback options the other day. He said he regretted not teaching us some stuff that would be useful for lookback options, then he said, "But we must always look forward and not look back". Like duh!
Looking forward and not looking back. I guess one has to strike a balance somewhere. I mean it's okay to look back at the past, whether it be reminiscing of the good old days or regretting what one has done in the past, but you know, I don't like to get sucked in too much into past memories. After all, no matter how much you want to relive the good old times, they are already in the past, and will, sadly, always remain as mere memories. Maybe I'm just being cynical here. But I'm sure that the present and the future will always have their share of good times to come too (and the bad times as well). I do cherish the past, but I know that it is not realistic to keep living in the past. Ah well.
Meanwhile, I shall get back to doing probability. SIGH!! (But it's almost the end of the week, so there!)
Jesus you are my best friend
And you will always be
Nothing will ever change that
I went for cell today. The first cell group meeting of the year. I have promised myself that I will go for cell regularly and I really want to keep that promise. I guess I'm someone who lacks the self-discipline or motivation to achieve what I have promised myself to do. Well, at least for some things.
Had dinner just now with Jessica and her mum at Lulu, and this was the first time I actually had to pack the leftover food myself! Says a lot about the service huh. But I still prefer the food at Lulu to the one at OE. Food at OE is too oily for me. Anyway, we were talking about health issues and also cancer before our food came. I was reminded again that I should never ever take my health for granted. I'm kind of sick of being reminded of that all over again, even though I know that I'm taking my health for granted to a certain extent (such as by sleeping late). But what struck me was us talking about cancer. I know someone very dear to me who has had cancer and I think that has resulted in a different perspective altogether. I had a sudden thought: what if that person is suddenly taken away from me because of cancer? That basically just scares me.
Someone's msn message: doing (did) a vivien. I'm highly amused by what it means. As it turns out, to "do a vivien" means to burn food or to get cut during cooking. Ahh..I guess people sometimes do remember you by the infamous stuff you have done (or said).
Okay..time to get back to work, and hopefully, an early night for me. Sore throat is coming back again! Ugh..so soon after I've just recovered!
Life's like a road that you travel on
When there's one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
I feel pretty
Oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and bright
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me today
I feel charming
Oh so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real
See the pretty girl in that mirror there?
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face
Such a pretty dress
Such a pretty smile
Such a pretty me!
I feel pretty
Oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and bright
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me today
It is just stuck in my head right now! And everyone around me is singing it! (And a few people are putting part of the lyrics in their nicks..)
Speaking of the NY trip, I had a fantastic time there. Surprisingly, I love love love the city. I had the impression that NY is a very big city, where one tends to get lost rather easily, and that New Yorkers are cold and unfriendly. Well, NY is definitely a bustling city, but to me, it is over-glamorized. Like my impression of New York from the movies and magazines was proven wrong. I did not really have that much difficulty navigating around the city, reading maps and taking the subways. And New Yorkers can be quite friendly too. Well, at least those that I asked help from were very helpful to me.
This trip was also the first time that I had stayed in a city all by myself. I was supposed to have gone there with Jessica over the Labor Day weekend, but she found out on Sunday morning that she had to go back to Pittsburgh. So well, I was basically by myself for like 1.5 days. I was quite scared initially, but after a while, the fear just went away and I actually enjoyed the time I had to myself. It was kind of weird though to walk around and sight-see all by yourself, and to take self-shots (erm), but I also asked a few people to help me take pictures. (I promise to upload the photos soon..).
I met my cousin too last Saturday for dinner. He's working in Manhattan and he actually stays opposite from the hotel I stayed in (well..more like a hostel). We had dinner at a nearby Korean restaurant in Korean Town..the Korean food was so delicious! I think the Korean food there is slightly different, and I heard the Japanese food there is pretty unique too. Anyway, after dinner, my cousin brought us to his office and showed us around. His office is so cool! His company is supposedly quite small and occupies one floor of the building. But well, all this just makes me want to get an internship in New York even more! Perhaps at Wall Street eh??
I managed to visit quite a few places too. Wanted to walk down fifth avenue on Saturday, but it was rainy and cold, so didn't really manage to go around much. Luckily, the weather was much better after that. Went to Statue of Liberty with Jessica (we took a ferry that went past it, not onto the island) and the Empire State Building is nearby our hotel. Empire State Building at night is gorgeous..it has colorful lights. I think that night, it was a mixture of red/white/blue lights and the colors of the lights are supposed to change every night. Pity couldn't take a picture of it cos it was raining! We also went to the Financial District, and we walked past New York Stock Exchange without realizing it haha. Couldn't find Nasdaq though. After Jessica went back, I managed to visit the Brooklyn Bridge (but was too lazy to walk across it), Chinatown (so crowded!! only went to look around at accessories), Little Italy (bought a gelato), Rockerfeller Center, Times Square, Empire State Building (only went to the front of the building) and Fifth Avenue (walked down along 5th Avenue and shopped! Labor Day sales!). I wanted to go to SoHo and visit Trump Tower, but did not get a chance to. I definitely want to go back there to visit the places that I didn't get to visit and do stuff I didn't do this time, like going to Liberty Island itself, going up the Empire State Building and watching Broadway.
And then, there was the US Open. It was the highlight of my entire trip. Just being there, soaking up the atmosphere live, feeling the excitement first hand, seeing things that you've seen on TV for real..the feeling is just undescribable. Went to watch with Shuping and her friends, Huilin and Vivienne (but they sat at a different section of the court). We had tickets for the Sunday evening matches at Arthur Ashe. The matches that we got to see were Sharapova vs a Russian player whose name I've completely forgotten, and James Blake vs Carlos Moya. Because of the rain on Saturday that washed out play, they pushed the matches back on Sunday and it was a very long day of play on Sunday. The night matches started late because the afternoon matches ended late. Federer's match was also going on at the same time on Sunday evening at Louis Armstrong and the line for that match was just so long! We wanted to watch a bit of the match (our tickets allowed us to watch matches in other courts), but we decided not to in the end because of the long line. Did a bit of shopping before watching the match. Bought a few stuff from the Nike shop there. The Polo jacket looked so tempting and it was gorgeous, but the price..bleah. Shuping and I sat further in front cos we found lots of empty seats in front and we had a pretty good view. Sharapova looked so pretty in her cocktail dress get-up and yeah..she really screamed very loudly. Could hear her very clearly all the way from the back. And the crowd just loved her..especially the guys..chants of "I love you Maria" could be heard everywhere. During the changeovers, they actually had this lucky fan giveaway a few times..if your face was shown on the gigantic screen there, you could win an upgrade to better seats. Sharapova won pretty easily and hit 3 tennis balls into the crowd after her win. But she didn't hit it hard enough to where we were. Haha. Shuping and I moved further front after her match and we had an even better view of the next match. Of course, the crowd was in favor of Blake, especially since he's a New Yorker. Pretty exciting match. During the changeovers this time, the camera would show random faces of a few people, and there were a few people who also played it up for the camera and actually danced! Match ended at 12.30am and by the time I got back, it was 2am! Exciting day for me. The feeling of just being there was just incredible. Up next: Wimbledon! Heh. But French Open may be the next one for me. And I want to watch US Open again next year!
So last week, I was telling everyone that I still didn't feel like school has begun. It was mostly because I didn't really have work that had to be handed in, whereas all my friends seemed to have lots of homework. And I was still in my holiday mood. But not anymore. The work has really started to come in. Assignments to be handed in, and I'm trying my best not do my work last-minute now. Plus observations to be done for child psych and preparing for job fairs. I really need to settle down and get pretty serious about school soon!
Have you ever been in situations in which your head tells you one thing, but your heart tells you another? I've found myself being in such a situation a number of times. (Like the Roddick vs Federer final. I wanted Roddick to win, but I knew in my mind that Federer would win). So which one comes out on top in the end? Your head or your heart?
I should go to sleep now. I'm beginning to ramble on and on, and I certainly do not want to oversleep for my 8.30 class! And ahh..the "I Feel Pretty" song from Maria Sharapova's Nike commmercial is stuck in my head!
I have come to realize that insensitive things said behind your back hurt more than when they are actually said right to your face. I wish people will just say such things directly to me instead of saying them when I'm not around. Let's just say I feel very let down and disappointed at what had happened. Ah well. I guess everywhere you go, people are bound to talk behind your back.
The weather has become colder..no more Singapore-like weather of the past week. It's very much air-con weather now, or perhaps even colder. Ah...why has summer gone by and why has fall come so quickly? I still want to soak up the sun!
Anyway, I've kind of forgotten about the time difference between here and Asia. When my brother came online in the morning yesterday (or last night in Singapore), I was wondering why he was online in the morning when he was supposed to have been in school, before realizing that it was night over there. And then as I was talking to my cousin online before dinner, she suddenly told me she had to go because of school. It took me a moment before realizing that it was already morning in Bangkok. Guess I still have to get used to the time difference huh.
The huge time difference (whether it's 11 or 12 hours) is just another clear reminder that I'm really very far away from my family and everyone else back home. Even though my watch may read the same time, but it's actually not the same time at all. When it is day here, it is night over there. And when it is day over there, it is night here. Which just goes to show that here and there are really 2 different places, and that I am leading a completely different, if not opposite, life from the people there.
Well, I just want to wish my brother an early Happy Birthday (over here, even though over there, it is already his birthday). All the best for your exams coming up!
And finally, as the weekend nears, New York beckons! The initial excitement, which I had felt when I realized that I was actually going to New York and watching the US Open, has sort of died down a bit. But I'm sure I will get pumped up and excited all over again. Only Jessica and I will be traveling there this time, so I really hope we don't get lost or anything. Haha.