life.is.beautiful.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Finally back home in Jakarta! (Yes..I got back smoothly and safely okay..doesn't mean that whenever I fly, I'd miss my flight lor!). Came back with my mum and the flight back was rather bumpy. Wanted to read a bit during the flight, but ended up talking to my mum.

So how do I feel being back here? First word that comes to mind: Weird. I don't know..it just feels strange being back here for some reason. Need time to get used to life here again. Quite different from Singapore you know.

I have a sucky Internet connection here. Okay..it's dial-up. Very slow, and expensive. My mum complains whenever she sees me online. Haha. What to do?

I realize that I don't like packing at all. As in, I'd always somehow find other things to do to put off packing. Packing for jakarta shouldn't take long, but it dragged to hours last night. I think it has something to do with my reluctance to leave a place. Oh well.

Looking forward to driving and eating delicious indonesian food. And I should sleep now. Early night after a few late nights. Time now reads 11.12pm (1 hour behind singapore)..now thats pretty early for me right? Haha.

posted by vivien at 12:07 PM
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Sunday, July 30, 2006

It eventually turns out that I've been going out again every single day this week. Haha. Seems that I'm always running out of time here.

Yesterday, met with Huiling to watch The Lakehouse. Had a delicious lunch (some cheese spaghetti thing) at this place opposite Pastamania. The movie itself was nice I guess, though I find the story a bit confusing. I haven't watched a romantic movie in a while and was kind of looking forward to watching the movie cos of Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. Something I got out from the movie was that true love is able to withstand the test of time, and that it is perhaps worth waiting for your soulmate. And I'm addicted to the songs in the movie, kindda oldies. Check out Paul McCartney's This Never Happened Before.

After that, we decided to go to HMV to listen to a few CDs. Suddenly felt like buying another CD again haha. Was debating between Dashboard Confessional and Electrico. In the end, went for Dashboard. I still want to get Electrico's CD though.

In the evening, went to Jessica's place for Summer Contact II. It was a pretty good turnout I think, but the seniors totally outnumbered the incoming freshies. Nice to meet the incoming freshies, and there's no one from HC! How impossible! Haha. Found out that there's someone who wants to do comp finance and econs too! Sounds like what I'll be doing, except that I've changed my mind to do business (most likely). So that makes it 2 incoming freshies interested in doing comp finance. Seems that more and more people are interested in doing that. Not easy though.

Met Shuping today. Had a nice time catching up and discussing travel plans. The next time I see her will be in New York! Heh can't wait for that and it'll be super exciting. And yeah..can't believe I'll be watching US Open with my dear teammate (and no I don't think I'm as soft-hearted as last time..I don't think I'm even that soft-hearted in the first place la!), even though it's not the same as watching Wimbledon, which is what we promised to do (but I'm sure it'll happen someday haha). Have a safe trip to US and have fun traveling! Gotta let me know how it goes yeah.

Went for church this morning and I thought the sermon was really interesting. It's about how to spend our money and manage our wealth. Serves as a timely reminder that the Lord is the source of our wealth and our happiness.

I know I've been really blessed and I should be thankful for all the blessings that He has given me. But you know, sometimes, I just can't help asking for more, even though I know I should be happy and grateful with what I have. Ah well.

Asked Huiling yesterday about how she found the book Boy Meets Girl so far. And she just told me that one important thing she got from the book is to mix relationships with wisdom (or in her words, use your brains when it comes to relationships, think through it and don't rush into one). Also talked about whether it's important to have a Christian as someone to spend the rest of your life with, or whether it's okay to have a non-Christian. And something she said about that struck me, cos I guess I've never realized it. Something about how Christian values and worldly values are conflicting. I guess basically, if you have two people who don't have the same fundamental beliefs, it's really hard for them to get along and they wouldn't be very compatible. More food for thought..

A jumble of thoughts running through my mind lately, one after another. Going back to Indo tomorrow. Perhaps a change of environment will do me good. Will not be as busy as in Singapore, and I hope I'll have the time to finish reading a few books. Quite looking forward to going back actually, but it feels that I've still some stuff left here to do (and maybe a few people I've yet to meet).

Gonna play tennis tomorrow morning. Better sleep now and do my quiet time before mum nags again. Sigh.

posted by vivien at 12:23 PM
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Friday, July 28, 2006

Went to allison's house this morning. It was great to catch up with ally and deborah again, two of my sec 4 classmates whom i haven't seen in a really really long time. Talked quite a bit of our mg days..seems like an eternity ago. It was also quite refreshing to have someone who also has had the same experience of studying abroad (ally is studying in canada) haha.

It is so easy to lose in touch with people if you don't make the effort to keep in contact with them. I don't want to lose the close friends I have now. Must really make sure that I update my friends frequently and also keep in touch with them, despite being busy and all.

On another note, I've a sudden thirst for traveling now. An eagerness to explore new places, take in unfamiliar sights and sounds, experience a different life. Perhaps talking to my brother last week and discussing about travel plans has something to do with it. Europe is definitely the place I want to go to. But applying for visa is just so troublesome. That, or perhaps a road trip across the States. Or even going to California again. Whatever it is, I hope I'll be able to travel more this year.

I've been thinking a lot about my future and what to do with my life lately. It's kindda scary that I've to start thinking about such things now, things that you didn't really have to think about before. When I was in MG, it was mostly about which JC I'd want to go to and the subject combi to take. Then, when I was in HC, it was about which uni to go to and my major. Now, what's on my mind is mostly doing 3 or 4 years, what to do after graduation (MBA straight or work first), where to settle down, etc. I hate making decisions; I'm scared of making them actually, scared that I'd be making the wrong decisions and regret them later on. I guess when it comes to such things, I just have to have faith in myself and believe that I'm making the best decision possible. I always believe that money is not everything - it certainly doesn't bring you happiness - and I don't really want to be too caught up in material wealth and all. But despite that, I guess deep down, I still do care about material wealth to a certain extent. I've to admit that money does make things a lot easier and gives you an advantage. I realize that I'm a pretty materialistic person - minimum income to achieve, dream car, etc. There as a point in time I just wanted to marry a rich guy and be a tai tai the rest of my life, enjoying my life without having to work a single cent. Haha. I'd probably be happy for a while, but not for long, and that is certainly not a fulfilling life. I know a few friends who plan to be involved in humanitarian work because I guess that's what they probably find meaningful, but I'm not that sort of person. I think I see myself more as a career woman, climbing the corporate ladder and earning a decent income (see..money again). But would I get sick of all the rat race, backstabbing and office politics? I don't know..(I think I sound very confused now haha). I know I'd also like to settle down and have a family. Maybe that'd make my life more meaningful, bringing up your children, teaching them the right values, maybe saving up for their education, and just ensuring that they grow up the right way. I would like to have a happy and fulfilling life, but I think it's really hard to strike a balance between the two. Or is it not? Ah well.

I've started reading My Life as a Quant. Only the first chapter though. But I've been fascinated by what I read so far. The book is about the life of Emanuel Derman, a famous quant (someone who does financial engineering or quantitative finance). He used to be a physicist before he decided to switch to Wall Street and become a quant. It is really interesting to read about how finance has resembled physics now, in a certain way, as financial models (like those used to determine options pricing) become more relevant. And yes..I did come across familiar terms, like call options, derivative security and Black-Scholes model (though I didn't actually learn it..will probably learn it next sem). Guess I'll find out more as I read along.

I realize that I now have 3 good Christian books to read - The Case For Christ, Big Girls Don't Whine and Traveling Light. I still have other books to read too - Fever Pitch and Tuesdays With Morrie. And there're also other books that I hope I'll be able to read, like the Christian books I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl, Nicholas Sparks' True Believer and (if I do have the mood to read the other book my advisor recommended) When Genius Failed. So many books to read, so little time! It's kindda strange really cos when I'm at home and don't really have anything to do, I don't feel like reading even though I know I should read. I just feel like slacking around and doing nothing, which really gets me bored. Then I'd feel that I should go out and not be bored at home. But after going out too much, I'd just be tired and feel that I should stay at home to rest. And then I'd get bored again. Haha. Oh well.

Summer holidays have really passed by quickly. I've spent about 3.5 weeks back home now, and it's slightly less than 4 weeks before I go back. Overall, I think I've had a fantastic summer. Summer school was pretty okay and fun and slack in a way. Of course, being back has been great. It's just nice to see everyone again, and to be in a familiar environment (even though it feels rather unfamiliar at times too). I guess this summer has been a time of learning (literally..all that philo stuff haha), but more importantly, I've learned a lot about myself. I mean this summer hasn't exactly been that rosy. The last week of summer school and just before coming back here was really terrible. All that homesickness and I actually broke down. There were also other things which had happened that made me question why they had happened or why me. Through it all, I've always held on to the belief that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps only later on will everything becomes clear and I'll understand the reasons why. I definitely believe that I've become stronger as a person, and perhaps more independent, as a result of such experiences. At times, I've in fact been surprised at the way I handle things, the ability to bounce back, to move on with life and not look back. Or rather..how quickly I move on with life. Something I didn't know that I had in me.

It's sort of amazing how much a person, or maybe the environment you are used to, can change in such a short period of time. Some changes are more obvious, some are less noticeable. Somehow, I always believe that it's the little changes, those not-so-obvious ones, those that you can't really pinpoint but know they're there, that probably affect my life more.

Oh well. Been thinking quite a bit these days. Gotta rush off for dinner now.

posted by vivien at 5:40 AM
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Thursday, July 27, 2006

EVER THE SAME (Rob Thomas)

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

I'm addicted to this song right now! I've no idea why, but yeah..everything about the song is just nice. This is another song I koped from the desktop and I'll be koping more in time to come. Haha.

Anyway, met kelvin for lunch today and had a quite thought-provoking conversation. He was telling me that one day while he was walking home, he saw a cat in a pet shop looking out from the window. That got him to question whether it's better to be a stray cat, having the freedom to roam around but forced to fend for itself, or that cat in the pet shop, being well-fed and generally taken care of but having no freedom. I would say that being a stray cat is better because it has freedom and I do value freedom. But having said that, I think my life has probably not been that way. I mean, I go to college to get a degree, so that I'll be able to get a better job and have a more secure future ahead of me. But am I really pursuing my interest? I must admit that my interest does lie in the area of finance, but the main reason why I'd like to do an MBA is because it's the most practical degree to have. I could've done math, stats or even psych, but I didn't think I could do much with those degrees. Oh well. But I guess I still don't mind doing finance cos after all, it has math and business/econs, the two areas which I'm most interested in.

Played tennis just now with mingwei, aaron and jessica and had dinner after that at NYDC. I feel so guilty today having had ice-cream after lunch and shared tiramisu mudpie during dinner. Haha. Wanted to play tennis tomorrow morning, but decided to cancel it cos after 2 days of playing tennis, I feel slightly tired. Going to allison's house early tomorrow morning, so yeah, I guess I should sleep now.

posted by vivien at 10:57 AM
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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

"There is within every soul a thirst for happiness and meaning"
-Thomas Aquinas

Just had a crazy lunch with Huiling at Lao Pa Sat. That girl is still as full of nonsense as ever! Haha. I finally had my first hokkien mee ever since I've been back! After we had our hokkien mee, Huiling decided that she was still hungry and wanted to buy a muffin from Opi Deli. What happened after that was that we both realized the name of the muffin shop sounds like something from Da Vinci Code, so Huiling went to see from the book I'd just returned her, and the name of the organization inside the book was Opi Dei. Haha so crappy! Huiling's going to Bangkok next week, so she wanted to exchange money. So I asked her which bank she was going to, and she immediately replied, "Bangkok!" Oh man!! Haha. O ya as we were walking around after lunch, we came across this firm called "Vivien@Robinson.practitioner" or something like that. Pity I didn't have my camera haha.

Anyway, thought I'd upload a few photos, so here are a few photos taken ever since I've been back:

random shot of my brother/my brother and I at the airport

me and sinhui at kbox/erm..trying to act cute?/again?/proper pose/another proper pose/trying to take an artistic shot of us looking elsewhere, but each time, we ended up looking at different spots haha

with zaneta, saby and anna at the clementi mrt station

(clockwise from me): jane, yuan jin, huiling, jessie

posted by vivien at 3:25 AM
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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I'm feeling really full now. Didn't really have much for dinner. Still quite full from the buffet lunch and the fried calamari after that. I think I get full very easily nowadays. I still cannot manage to finish the rice/noodles when I eat out, even though the portion here is smaller than that in US. Though I think my definition of what's a lot and what's not has probably changed. Like the other day, when I had lunch at Carl's Jr, I thought the burger was pretty normal when Huiling thought it's quite big (and it's supposed to be quite big). Haha.

Anyway, had lunch today to celebrate Aaron's birthday with jessica, mingwei, jiaqi, xinghao and ruijie, and gave Aaron a birthday treat. Happy birthday Aaron! We ate at this Japanese restaurant in Suntec (forgot the name already). Food was nice. The soft-shell crab was good, but after eating like 2, I was quite full already. I think I didn't really eat that much even though it was a buffet. Didn't manage to eat the dessert too. Haha.

Today is also MG Founder's Day! I realize that I haven't been back to mg ever since I came back in j1. It's been 3 years and MG has definitely changed a lot. For one, the school building has been renovated and apparently, it's all grey now, not pink/blue like it used to be. So gloomy! And I heard there's no track now. Like for 2.4km run, the girls have to run 8 rounds of 300m! Oh well.. should probably go back to MG soon. Hwa Chong too..see the teachers all over again.

I've booked the hotel and flights to New York. Quite excited about going to NY for the first time, and also watchign US Open! Actually, I'd want to watch all 4 grand slams live haha. And watch MU playing at Old Trafford too! Gonna be costly though. And I think I should start thinking about where I'd wanna go for Thanksgiving. I'm thinking of going to Milan to visit Huiling, but I think that's a bit crazy haha.

Speaking of traveling, my brother, andrew, told me that he would want to spend his income and travel to US and Europe. He's working now and earning like 17 bucks an hour! And I think that's after tax. So yeah..my brother may be going to US in jan and visit me. And my dad may also want to visit me this october cos there's like a 2 week holiday back home (hari raya puasa). It's still not confirmed yet though.

I still haven't decided whether I should finish in 3 or 4 years. Was just thinking about it again last night again, and it's really impossible for me to do an additional major and finish in 3 years. I've talked to my mum and cousin about it, and they both said it's better for me to do add major. Personally, I'd rather do that too, but the tuition fees are just so expensive! I don't really want to make my parents pay so much when I can finish in 3 years. And I also haven't decided whether I should go to grad school straight after graduation or work first. My mum told me that she'd want me to work to pay half of the fees for grad school. But everything is just so complicated.

I just hate how my life is so uncertain.

Today has been a real emotional roller coaster for me. Just a whole mixture of feelings and thoughts running through my mind. Oh well. That was just now I guess. Somehow, I'm feeling at peace now :)

Tmr: Lunch with Huiling and to return her book also. Then, tennis and dinner with ai lian and sin hui (finally!). Thurs: Lunch with kelvin, then bowling and perhaps tennis. Haha..I think I'm really playing a lot of tennis these days, but I guess I'm just making the most out of the fantastic weather here.

Off to finish reading Huiling's book now.

posted by vivien at 9:44 AM
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Monday, July 24, 2006

Today has been a pretty uneventful day. Played tennis in the morning..think I didn't play too badly! My serve is improving too, which is good. Met jessica for lunch at clementi and ate at McDonald's! I thought I saw jean, who was in my cell, at macs but i didn't dare say hi to the girl haha. Went to buy my accounting and econs textbooks after that. Hope I didn't buy the wrong books, cos the international and US editions may be different. The books are so thick!! After that, went down to queensway to change my shoe size. They didn't have 8.5 (apparently all the 8.5 boxes only have size 8 shoes inside), so I changed my shoes to size 8. Bleah..was pretty sure I tried on size 8.5 last friday. Oh well. Had dinner at home for a change, and my mum brought carrot cake home! Yummy heh. I quite like home-cooked food actually (i'm not really that fussy about food..).

Anyway, I haven't booked my ticket back home to indo yet! My mum didn't wanna book cos she thought that I may want to go back this week. But looking at my schedule, I don't think that's possible. Haha. So most likely will be going back with her on 31 july (next Monday). But even then, she still hasn't her own ticket yet! (And mine too..now that it's more or less confirmed). But I'll definitely be coming back to Singapore on 15 aug. Found out that my dad will be coming to Singapore from 19-21 aug (Saturday evening to Monday evening), and that my cousins Nicole and Nathan will be in Singapore too. I still want to meet people another time before I leave, but I probably won't be able to go out much with friends this time cos my relatives will be here. Will be flying off on 23 aug morning (wed morning 7.20am flight!!), which leaves me with about 7 days only. Which means..no time!! Ugh.

I'm in the midst of reading Huiling's book, The Da Vinci Code: A Quest For Answers. It's quite interesting to see how the book counters every "fact" presented in the novel. But I'm reading the book on-off-ly and didn't really read the original novel, so I got lost quite often haha. Next up for me will be My Life As A Quant, a book which my comp finance advisor recommended me to read cos he thought I didn't really have any idea about comp finance. Mingwei gave up reading the book..that is such an encouraging sign! Haha.

posted by vivien at 10:56 AM
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Sunday, July 23, 2006

How my week went:

Tuesday: Pirates of Caribbean with anna, zaneta and saby. Movie was long, but I thought it was quite funny. Johnny Depp is a good actor and Keira Knightley is very pretty! Didn't stay to see what's after the credits, but heard that it was not worth staying for.

Wednesday: Went shopping with mum at parkway parade. Tennis in the evening with mingwei, aaron and jessica. Then dinner with family at din tai fung.

Thursday: Koped quite a few songs from my brother's computer. He even downloaded the power rangers song! Haha. But I still koped that song anyway and it's now in my laptop. I'm listening to the songs I copied and I realize they're pretty much rock/punk rock songs. Haha. Guess I still like rock songs after all. Had dinner to celebrate huiling's birthday at this nice jap restaurant at marina square with jessie, wendy, jane, michelle, yuan jin, dawn and of course huiling (my sec2 classmates!). Nice desserts too..though the dessert portions were quite big. After dinner, saw jolin tsai performed for a while. The place was packed and I couldn't really see her face. Mostly saw her arms haha. Went to ktv at kbox and we got the biggest ktv room I've ever been in. The room even had a stage where people could perform haha. Sang a number of chinese songs, mostly JJ Lin, Jay Chou, FIR. Realized that after a year in CMU, I've heard most of the songs before. Then we sang english songs and it was madness! Haha. Mostly sang songs during our mg days. BSB songs are GREAT for ktv-ing! Had a really funny time singing most of their songs haha. Reminded me of the 5 of us ktv-ing on sunday, when each of us was a Backstreet Boy or a Spice Girl. Haha.

Friday: Woke up early to play tennis with mingwei at safra. It was super hot!! I think I got quite burned, though I think now I'm not as easily sunburned as last time. After that, watched the bowling national team trained for a while. And I met Saby, who was training with the national team. Wanted to have lunch at ikea, but the line was so long! Ridiculously long. It's quite amusing to know that most of the people went to ikea for lunch and not to buy furniture. Jessica joined us for lunch and in the end, we ended up eating at KFC's. Went to queensway to buy tennis shoes after that. Ended up buying the latest model..still feel a little guilty cos the shoes were quite ex, but I couldn't resist the color! My grandparents came to Singapore and we had dinner together with my aunt. Had salmon, sea cucumber and my favorite Boon Tong Kee chicken rice! Really ate a lot. Talked quite a bit to my aunt about NY (just remembered that my cousin is working in manhattan) and recipes. Hopefully, I'll be able to try out some of the recipes (successfully). My youngest brother, albert, bought me a belated birthday present. Aww..thanks a lot!

Yesterday: Woke up at 6.30am to send my other brother, andrew, off (he was going back to perth). I had only seen him for like 10 days (barely) and I'm not going to see him again until december. I asked him how he felt about going back and he just told me that leaving is bittersweet. That probably sums up my feelings as well, though I suspect that I'd probably be more sad to leave than him. I guess my brother and I have sort of grown further apart ever since he left for aussie and I left for US, but I'm still glad that we can still talk non-stop like we used to. Oh well. After that, met with Sin Hui, my ktv buddy from JC, for yes..another ktv session! Haha. Great to catch up with her..pity ai lian couldn't make it. Sang our trademark songs, like "All My Life", "Fixing A Broken Heart", "Where Is The Love" and of course, Eminem songs (though I'm hopeless with rap). Then we took silly photos again. Hahaha. I could not stop laughing cos well..the photos were really silly and funny haha. Thanks for the lovely postcard from rome and coaster from paris! Had dinner with my mum, aunt, cousin and grandparents at east coast. Black pepper crab and chilly crab! Oh my gosh..ate a lot again. Came home to do e2k6 stuff.

Today: Experiences 2006! Was there from like 9am-5pm! Very boring, though there were quite a few people who came by. I noticed that quite a number of the people who came asked about business, and practically no one asked about comp science. I think I'm not the person to ask about school and stuff cos I'm quite a bad talker..could not really talk a lot and I basically just clammed up I think. Bleah. Had popiah for lunch though and family dinner at Mushroom Pot. Steamboat consisting of mostly mushrooms, fish, meat, vegetables, wanton, fish cake, fishballs etc. The mushrooms were quite exotic..so many different types of mushrooms! It was very nice though.

Overall, I guess it's been another tiring week. Didn't help that I barely slept 7 hours each day. The holidays are passing by so quickly; now about 1 month more before I go back. There are still plenty of things left undone. Like reading. I barely read much this week and I definitely want to read 3 or 4 books before I go back! And I still haven't met up with quite a few people yet. I guess it's all a matter of time management and prioritizing. I've probably wasted a lot of time on unnecessary things, which perhaps explains why I always seem to be running out of time.

I've been eating a lot over the past few days. So much for trying to lose weight. And I conclude that my nose is very sensitive to hot food (whether it's hot in temperature or hot in taste).

I think I should also sit down one day and think through the past year properly. I find it disturbing that whenever people asked me how the past year at CMU has been, I'd say "like that loh" or struggle to come up with something nice to say, which usually amounts to "fun". But really. I guess too many things have happened over the past year and it definitely wasn't that rosy. I'm now back to where I was last year..about to leave for US, but I've changed, and everything is so different now.

Getting kindda incoherent and sleepy. Ah well. I should probably sleep now also. Tennis tomorrow morning!

posted by vivien at 11:12 AM
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Friday, July 21, 2006

One Set of Footprints

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along a beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashes scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand - one belonged to him; the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life, there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why in times I needed you most, you would leave me."

The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and sufferings. When you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.."

posted by vivien at 6:08 AM
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Sunday, July 16, 2006

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I've been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I'll overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes
Like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal
To the grace by which I stand

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone will I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
And only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor than just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

posted by vivien at 12:21 PM
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I've been going out every single day this week and I'm just very very tired now! Let's see..
Thursday: Jessica treated us to a lunch at din tai fung, and then we went for ktv at partyworld after that. I think I sang the most oops.. and we even sang silly songs like "Old McDonald had a farm" haha. Very fun and hilarious though, especially when Aaron started singing all the high notes. Haha could not stop laughing.

Friday: Out shopping with mum. Had a very late lunch at 4.30 before playing tennis with mingwei, aaron and jessica from 5-7pm. Backhand was quite good, but forehand was terrible. Serve was equally horrendous. But had a fantastic view of the sunset..very beautiful!!

Yesterday: Met Jessica for lunch at Jurong East before going for SSA Alliance meeting at JTC. Met quite a few new people there. After that, went to Jiaqi's house for steamboat dinner to celebrate his birthday (happy birthday!). There were about 9 people there. Had a good time there. Played a bit of mahjong after dinner. Did not win a single game; in fact, I think I threw the winning tile like 3 or 4 times. Bleah.

Today: Went for 8.30 main service. Malcolm Tan gave a very meaningful sermon on the promise of the Father (Holy Spirit) and how His promise challenges 4 aspects of our lives. After that, went for Shineforth service with Huiling and Jane . Saw Zaneta in church and talked a bit with her after the service. Then lunch at Waffletown..argh ate a very sinful waffle with chocolate ice-cream and (very sweet) strawberry topping! Then ktv at partyworld again! Haha. With huiling, jessie, jane and yuan jin. This is the third time I'm going for ktv in 1 week, and I haven't gotten sick of it yet. Thank you for the surprise birthday song! =) Haha. Then dinner at herbal roast duck (not sure of the name..but i think that's the name) at marina square..very delicious!! After that, off to Esplanade for bay beats and we watched Electrico perform. There were so many people there and it was so hot! Plus there was a lot of smoke..couldn't really breathe. Was really scared that my toes will get stamped on (well..jane did step on my toe once..). The crowd was quite wild, especially people in front of the stage. Electrico performed songs from their second album, so I didn't know all of the songs, but I think the songs are quite nice! Atmosphere, in general, was pretty good I guess. My ears were ringing after their performance and it took me a while to just cool down from everything haha.

Yeah..so I guess that sums up my week. Next week will still be pretty busy. Plans so far: Pirates of the Caribbean, more tennis, Huiling's birthday celebration and possibly going to Queensway. I still have to do E2K6 stuff and book flights+accommodation for NY trip (really going there to watch US Open!!). I just realize that I also have lots of books to read now haha, but no time to read them! And I also haven't had the time to cook. Will probably be going back at the end of the month, so that leaves me with about 2 more weeks here before I fly off to indo.

posted by vivien at 11:46 AM
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Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Okay so I decided to watch Singapore Idol just now. Haha. Jonathan Leong is really quite good and he sang one of my favorite songs, Wherever You Will Go (The Calling).

Anyway, just as I was hooked to Bad Day by Daniel Powter, I'm now getting slowly (and quickly) hooked to Good Day by The Click Five. Haha. It's really quite catchy!

GOOD DAY (The Click Five)

I woke up early in my hotel room
Wait for my alarm to go
I think about the things I've gotta do
Damn, my mind is gonna blow

I'm freakin out about what's ahead
Maybe I'll just stay in bed
Cause it's no fun to be the one going out of my head
So I tell it to myself again

You're looking for something you can't find
If you give it up you'll lose your mind
There's always something in your way
What can you say?
You're gonna have a good day

I quit my job about a week ago
Told them that I need some time
Now I'm going strong on Lexapro
Doctor says I'm doing fine

I'm freakin out about what's ahead
Maybe I'll just stay in bed
Cause it's no fun to be the one going out of my head
So I tell it to myself again

You're looking for something you can't find
If you give it up you'll lose your mind
There's always something in your way
What can you say?
You're gonna have a good day

Just when I thought, I couldn't lose
I realized it's the only thing I knew

I'm freakin out about what's ahead
Maybe I'll just stay in bed
Cause it's no fun to be the one going out of my head
So I tell it to myself
Tell it to myself
Tell it to myself again

You're looking for something you can't find
If you give it up you'll lose your mind
There's always something in my way

[Repeat 2x]
You're looking for something you can't find
If you give it up you'll lose your mind
There's always something in your way
What can you say?

You're gonna have a good day
You're gonna have a good day
You're gonna have a good day

Anyway, I just realized that my brother's room has a sign thingy that says something like "Pig sty. Please keep out!" on one side, and "Please tidy up room" on the other side. Haha. My brother is just so comical. Last week, he wanted to take a one-hour nap at night until 10pm, but he ended up taking a 3-hour nap till midnight! I was trying to wake him up for 2 hours before I finally succeeded. And I don't know why, my brother thought it was already in the morning and time for school! So he went to shower and put on his school uniform, before realizing it's only midnight! Hahaha.

posted by vivien at 10:30 AM
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The other night, when I was doing qt, this verse suddenly came to mind:
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1)
Faith..something that I know I lack of. Sort of reminded me of cell last Friday, when Dawn talked about faithfulness and being faithful. I guess it was just a reminder that God will never forsake me and that I should remain faithful in Him.

Anyway, it turns out that Jessica and I go to the same dentist here! Haha. And my eyesight, surprisingly, hasn't deteriorated at all ever since I went to US to study! It's remained the same! Apparently it's cos I'm wearing hard lenses, which are supposed to maintain your degree. Bought Air Supply greatest hits CD on impulse yesterday. I didn't know they're an Australian band! Hmm. Jessica came to my house too and I think she likes my place. Heh..

I realize I've been keeping up with my blogging ever since I came back. Haha. Oh well. Mum and brother coming back tonight!

posted by vivien at 3:46 AM
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Monday, July 10, 2006

I'm feeling very sleepy now. Watched the Wimbledon and World Cup finals! Both were exciting matches. Federer displayed his awesome skills on grass and defeated Nadal, who had defeated him in all 4 matches they have played this year. Think the Federer-Nadal rivalry is pretty interesting. And then, of course, the World Cup final, which Italy won on penalties. I got so nervous watching the penalties, even though I didn't really mind either team winning. But yeah..I guess the Italians were deserved winners. Though I don't know how the match would have turned out had Zidane not been sent off. It is such a disgrace that Zidane got sent off. A tainted ending to a glittering career. And he wasn't allowed back into the field to receive his medal also. So I guess the last memory we'll have of Zidane as a football player is of him headbutting Materazzi and getting red-carded. I find it an injustice that such a great career has to end like that. Ah well.

I can't believe that the World Cup is over! It's been more than 1 month of soccer and the World Cup, like all other things in life I guess, came and went just like that. In the blink of an eye. Watching the final, it seems to me that watching the matches back in pittsburgh in the morning or afternoon was like eons ago. I must admit I really miss watching matches with xinghao and jessica, and all the silly imitations and everything. Haha. On the same note, summer school also seems like a distant memory. Time..such an intriguing, yet an extremely important part of our lives. What is time really?

People have been asking me how US is like and each time, I've answered rather indifferently, "like that loh". I can't really find a perfect word to describe it..I don't think words alone can describe the past year that I've been through. One thing for sure is that I've changed a lot as a person, for the better I hope, and matured quite a bit. One change I've noticed is that I realize I've become less quiet (and shy??) now, less afraid to speak my mind and I've become much more talkative and confident. I think it has to do with the culture and lifestyle there. Americans are generally very open and friendly, and I've also been forced to speak up quite a bit during class discussions (won't really speak up normally). Or maybe it's just talking crap with the people there that has caused me to become much more talkative. Haha. Whatever it is, I hope it's a good change. If you know what I mean.

I must really decide soon when I'm going to go back to Indo. It's such a dilemma really. I want to go for SC2, but the timing is pretty bad, cos if I go back after SC2, that means I'll only have about 2 weeks in indo. I prefer to spend about 3 weeks back there. I'll be coming back here on 15 aug you see. We'll see how I guess.

Anyway, I think I'll take a short nap now. Met Huiling for lunch just now and had stingray! Yummy! Gonna meet her again later to watch Superman.

posted by vivien at 4:10 AM
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Saturday, July 08, 2006

Okay so I'm really bored now. I'm supposed to sleep, but I don't evel feel sleepy! Argh..I can't believe I need such a long time to recover from jet-lag! Not sure if I'm gonna watch the entire germany-portugal match later. Watched the wimbledon women's singles final just now. Justine Henin-Hardenne lost! =( Preferred her to win. I kindda admire her actually cos I think she's quite plucky and she's one of the better tacticians (smaller build compared to other players). Ah well. Tomorrow night will be a sports night. Federer vs Nadal final! Should be exciting. Federer is practically unbeatable on grass, but Nadal has a winning record against him. And then France vs Italy final! No idea who'll win.

Went ktv-ing with jessica just now. Yes..english songs all the way, save for a few chinese songs that we decided to sing. Ah...my english-ified "an jing" again!! I'll probably never ever attempt to sing that song if I go ktv-ing with cmu people haha. We also sang "Take Me Home Country Road" (country song for ktv!!). For some reason, that song and "Fixing A Broken Heart" are my favorite songs right now. We should go for another round of ktv, at least. Haha.

Went for a run too in the evening. Pretty tired now, but not sleepy. And air-con has finally worked! Shall attempt to sleep again now.

posted by vivien at 2:24 PM
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You scored as Accounting/Finance/Econ. Related majors that match your highest scored category: Accounting, Business Management, Computer/Management Information Systems (CIS or MIS), Economics, Entrepreneurship, Finance, Hospitality, Human Resource Management, International Business, Leadership, Marketing, Mathematics, Operations Management, Industrial/Organizational Psychology, Public Administration, Real Estate, Risk Management, Sports Management, Statistics.

Consider all majors in your OTHER high scoring categories. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.

Accounting/Finance/Econ

75%

Religion/Theology

69%

Psychology/Sociology

63%

Mathematics/Statistics

63%

Education/Counseling

44%

PoliticalScience/Philosophy

44%

English/Journalism/Comm

44%

HR/BusinessManagement

44%

History/Anthropology

38%

Biology/Chemistry/Geology

31%

Nursing/AthleticTraining

31%

Physics/Engineering

25%

French/German/Spanish

25%

Visual&PerformingArts

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Tennis. You should play tennis- you have to have a good serve and make good shots. Being able to volley also helps.

Tennis

75%

Swimming

42%

Golf

33%

Soccer

33%

Field hockey

25%

Track

25%

Lacrosse

17%

Volleyball

17%

Football

Basketball

Softball

Ice Hockey

Baseball

What sport are you meant for??
created with QuizFarm.com

posted by vivien at 2:18 PM
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Friday, July 07, 2006

It's been a pretty tiring day today. Tennis in the morning, under the scorching sun. The heat was really unbearable and I was perspiring so much! Different from playing tennis back in pitts. And I think my cheeks are slightly red now. Hmm. After that, it was lunch at sushi tei and walking around at paragon with jessica and mingwei. Took a 20-minute nap before dinner and then cell. My legs are aching now, but I'm still thinking of running tomorrow..

Just now, when Jessica and I were about to go out from the library, suddenly, there was this girl who rushed in and shouted my name. Haha. Shuping..you really gave me a shock!! Haha. But it was nice seeing you again after such a long time and we should meet up soon! =)

Anyway, I'm still slowly trying to get used to life here again after not being here for so long. I've been observing and noticing little things here that are so different from pittsburgh. It's really refreshing to see orchard road lined with many different shopping centres (not found in pitts), blue and yellow taxis which you can just flag down (gotta call cab over there and you don't really get to see a cab too), the sbs and trans island buses, uniform-wearing school students (don't get to see this that often too), the traffic going the other way and so many other little things! To hear the singaporean accent and all the other languages/dialects, to have to tap the ez-link card and remember to tap it again when going down (vs just showing your ID card), not having to worry about what time the bus will come and so on.

And then there is the weather. The heat here is really unbearable and with the humidity, I'm just perspiring so much! Stepping into the shopping centre with the air-con that relieves you from the stifling heat really reminded me of what xinghao said some time ago about the weather here.

Of course, the time difference as well. I think i've probably gotten over jetlag, but with the world cup still going on, I don't think there's much point in getting over jetlag haha. As I was watching wimbledon last night, I thought it was nice that I was able to watch the matches after dinner, relaxing after a long day. If I were still in pittsburgh and doing summer school, I'd have probably missed those matches. It's really interesting how much difference the time difference in various places really makes in our lives. Like watching a world cup game. In pittsburgh, I can watch the 3pm matches after lunch and the timing would just be nice. Here, I'd have to wake up at 3am to watch and then go back to sleep again. If I were in Germany or Europe, the matches would be at night and if I were in Australia, they'll be at 5am in the morning!!

Ah well. Guess that's what makes living in one place different from living in another place. Off to watch Wimbledon and Nadal now!!

posted by vivien at 11:39 AM
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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Can't believe that I'm jetlag-ing so badly! Fell asleep watching the match yesterday from 70+min onwards and only woke up when I heard Italy score the first goal haha. And then slept all the way till 4pm! Only woke up cos my brother woke me up haha. It's probably gonna take me longer than expected to recover from jetlag haha.

I'm terribly bored now! Just had lunch not too long ago, and i'm supposed to have dinner soon?? I feel like playing tennis and going out and all that, but I'm feeling incredibly tired! Ah..

posted by vivien at 6:53 AM
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Tuesday, July 04, 2006

"Dusk, I realized then, is just an illusion, because the sun is either above the horizon or below it. And that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel, I remember wondering, to be always together, yet forever apart?"

"It seems only the old are able to sit next to another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each otehr can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox."

"I was an enyclopedia, an object without feeling, of the whos, whats and wheres in her life, when in reality it is the whys, the things I did not know and could not answer, that make it all worthwhile."

--from The Notebook

posted by vivien at 2:38 PM
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I'm home! I'm home! Yay..finally =) though my baggage is still somewhere in Tokyo haha..couldn't make it in time for the flight to Singapore. But oh well..at least my traumatising experience in going back this time has ended. Yup..another cancelled flight (6am flight got cancelled, but luckily there was another flight later on..), another delayed flight (that flight got delayed), but all in all, it was a pretty smooth journey.

Surprisingly, managed to sleep quite a lot on the plane, so not really feeling sleepy now. That, plus the fact that it's only 2pm in US now. Will probably sleep after watching match later. Just had pizza. I realized that I get hungry quite fast when I travel. And I just read that lack of sleep can make you gain weight??!! Oh dear!!

Also managed to finish reading The Notebook on the plane. I thought it's beautifully written, perhaps even better than the movie itself!

The heat is so suffocating! And air-con in the house broke down too! Still, I'm just glad to be home home home!

posted by vivien at 2:21 PM
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Sunday, July 02, 2006

Traveling can be such a traumatic experience! And today, it was just a nightmare. I'm just relieved I'm okay, for now. It all started when we missed the 1.20 airport bus and had to get on the 1.40 one. And then, the bus broke down halfway (by this time, I was panicking a bit, cos my flight was at 4 and it takes 1 hour to get to the airport), so we had to wait for the next bus. Luckily, the next bus came soon after and we got at the airport at like 3pm (1 hour to spare!). I'd checked in beforehand, so I just needed to check in my baggage, and thankfully, the security check wasn't that long either. Everything took just 15min and I got to the boarding lounge at like 3.15. I thought everything was going to be all right after that, but I was so wrong. My flight got delayed, and delayed, cos of a mechanical problem (flat tyre), and I got quite fed up and irritated. To cut the long story short, I changed my flight to D.C. to tomorrow morning, so yes, I'm going to stay overnight in Pittsburgh, not D.C., now.

I think I was already quite good in the sense that I didn't have to wait long and got my flight sorted out in the end. There was this woman, who had 2 of her flights cancelled/delayed, and she was almost in tears. There was also another guy, who was really pissed with everything (cos apparently he'd been stuck at the airport for 26 hours!!), and basically shouted at the person at the counter, and the person at the counter had to call the cops.

The others' (jessica, mingwei, jiaqi) flight got delayed too cos of ground strike in Newark. Today has really been such an eventful day huh. I really hope I'll have a safe and smooth journey tomorrow.

The whole incident also just reminds me how much I really depend on my friends here. I'm really really lucky to have you guys as friends =) Thanks you for helping me out just now. And for helping me to calm down especially. Haha.

The chorus of this song, Take Me Home Country Roads by John Denver, is just so apt.
Country roads, take me home
To the place i belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads
I guess home to him is West Virginia. It's really kind of ironic cos I'm supposed to have been in D.C. now, which is actually in Virginia.

Anyway, gonna have supper with my brother after I get home. And then will be watching the Germay-Italy match. After that, sleep hopefully. Though if you consider the time difference, it'll only be 5 or 5.30pm in US. Might as well not sleep haha.

And I really should sleep now. Need to wake up at 3.30am for a 6.20am flight!

posted by vivien at 11:08 PM
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Thank you so much for the listening ear! Guess I really needed it. You have made me feel a lot better and cheered me up. I really appreciate it :)

On another note, I'm really sorry for what I said during dinner just now. I must admit it was extremely insensitive on my part. Thank you so much though for having prayed for me. I'm really touched by that and I'm really thankful to have such a wonderful and caring friend like you.

Okay..guess I should resume my packing and go to sleep after that. It's been a long night and I'm just glad that I'm feeling a lot better now.

posted by vivien at 2:03 AM
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Have you ever felt like you're fighting a losing battle? That's how I'm feeling now. How much longer can I stay like this, trying hard to be strong and to keep the tears from flowing?

posted by vivien at 12:16 AM
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Saturday, July 01, 2006

Just watched the England-Portugal match and England lost on penalties again. It's so heartbreaking, especially since penalties are the worst way to lose a match.

I realize that a match can bring out so many emotions. Watching the scenes after the penalty kicks, there were tears amongst the English and joyous celebrations amongst the Portuguese. Seeing a guy cry is really something I must say..I mean it's really rare that you see a guy cry. It must be something really significant that causes him to cry. The England players must have felt extreme disappointment and despair at seeing their dreams and ambitions dashed by the cruel luck that is penalty shootouts, having to wait for another 2 or4 years for another stab at glory, with time running against them as many of their players, I believe, are in their prime now. Worse, they had to see the Portugal team celebrating their win. Such contrasting scenes and emotions. Ah well..that's life I guess. It's really interesting to see how much a soccer match can reflect the ways of life, and how sports can have such a powerful effect on people in general. After this match, one man will probably become a hero and another, a villain. I won't be surprised if Ricardo (and probably Ronaldo) is going to be hailed in Portugal; Rooney, on the other hand, will become the most hated man in England (even though I think his sending-off was harsh). Oh well.

Brazil-France match. That better not be disappointing because the England-Portugal match was mostly boring.

posted by vivien at 1:59 PM
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I'm just feeling really overwhelmed about going back. Somehow, the realization that I'm going to go back soon just hit me. Going back this time feels very different from going back in December. I can't really explain it too. Perhaps I'm more homesick this time, just that I don't really realize that I'm homesick? Or that I've been away from home for a longer period of time that there seems to be a greater sense of anticipation this time? I really can't pinpoint why, but it definitely feels different.

Sometimes, I wonder whether my parents know I feel very homesick being so far from home for such a long period of time. They don't seem to think that I'm that homesick here. They seem to think that I'm enjoying my life here (well I do I guess..) and that I'm strong enough to be away from my family in such a far place for such a long period of time. Perhaps they think that I've gotten used to being away from my family from my days in Singapore. But living in Singapore and in Pittsburgh is totally different. I do get homesick very often and I miss my family a lot. When will they ever understand that?

posted by vivien at 4:11 AM
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Summer school is finally over! I could not have been more relieved at finishing my philo take-home final in the nick of time. Did the 5 questions in 3.5 hours! Haha..last-minute again as usual. Oh well.

So it's going to be a Germany-Italy semifinal. Pity I missed both semifinals cos I had to rush completing my philo final. England-Portugal and Brazil-France later! Should be pretty exciting matches and I'm really looking forward to watching them.

Another kitchen mishap this afternoon. A really silly thing again. Seems to get sillier every time. Sigh.

Cookout at the guys' house just now. Food was pretty good and I ate a lot. Hm..I really should play tennis, but seems that I won't have time to cos I'll be pretty busy packing.

Watched another movie with a sad ending, another Nicholas Sparks movie, A Walk To Remember. Did not feel as sad watching the movie as last week, maybe because I had read the book before, so I pretty much knew the story.

And it's off to DC in 1.5 days' time and to Singapore in 2 days' time! Oh well..I'll have the longest journey out of all the freshies going back. All because of that stayover in DC. Not as scared as a few days ago about staying overnight there, but the fear is still there.

posted by vivien at 4:03 AM
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